For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Readers Exchange Promising Gift Suggestions for Seniors
DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed my annual column with suggestions for holiday gifts for seniors. Today I'm printing some of the feedback I've received on the subject from readers:
DEAR ABBY: Every year you devote at least one column to holiday gift suggestions for seniors. I would like to tell you what my siblings and I have given my widowed father that seemed to please him.
One year we presented him with a round-trip ticket to visit his sister. Another year we bought tires for his car -- each of us gave him one tire so that he had to visit all our homes to collect his gift. We all enjoyed those visits.
Another gift he appreciated was full payment for one doctor's visit, plus the medication prescribed that day. We have presented him with eyeglasses, dentures and countless items for his kitchen, bath, bedroom or living room -- mostly supplies -- but sometimes "luxury" items.
Each year Dad brags about our gifts at the seniors center where he and his friends socialize, so we know our choices are good ones. -- CHERYL MELENDEZ IN WISCONSIN
DEAR CHERYL: Every year readers ask me what to give to seniors who are living on fixed incomes. Thank you for your practical suggestions. I'm sure they'll inspire others to think creatively. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Last year my nephew asked my sister what he could give her for Christmas. His finances were tight and he couldn't afford an expensive gift. She reminded him how much she loves a clean car and suggested that he "give" her a car wash once a month for a year. Actually, the gift served two purposes. Not only was her car kept clean, she also was guaranteed a visit once a month.
Abby, most of us seniors don't need more jewelry or knickknacks, but we can always use a helping hand -- and a visit from our "kids." -- BARBARA M. BUTLER, BOWIE, MD.
DEAR ABBY: Around the holidays, you always print a list of items that seniors need more than dusting powder and knickknacks. May I suggest a prepaid calling card? With this, they can keep in touch with friends and family without running up their phone bill. -- RICHARD STROMBOM, WHEELING, ILL.
DEAR ABBY: With the holiday shopping season upon us, I'd like to share a gift idea with your readers. "Eco-gifts" save energy or create little or no waste. Some practical eco-gifts include low-flow showerheads, rechargeable flashlights, fire extinguishers, or tickets to a play or movie. Another eco-saving idea is to reduce or eliminate gift wrapping. (Christmas is the biggest garbage collection week of the year!) Readers who are seniors who wonder what to give to the younger generation should also consider "eco-gifts" -- savings bonds, music, dance or other lessons -- or even a new experience such as a train ride. -- PROFESSOR MARIE S. HAMMER, HOUSING/HOME ENVIRONMENT, UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA
DEAR BARBARA, RICHARD AND PROFESSOR HAMMER: Thanks for the excellent suggestions. May I also add a few more? Cold weather dominates the holiday season, so perhaps some jogging outfits would be welcome because they are warm and comfortable. And while I'm on the subject of the winter chill, a check toward some of the heating bills would also be a terrific gift. Ho-ho-ho!
Practical Gifts for Seniors Are Better Than More Stuff
DEAR ABBY: I foolishly tossed out your column on what to give seniors for Christmas, thinking I knew what to give my parents. However, this summer I married a man several years older than myself, and now I could use some suggestions about what I can buy for my elderly in-laws. This is my first Christmas in the family, and I want to be sure to give them something they can use and enjoy. Help! -- MELISSA IN MINGO JUNCTION, OHIO
DEAR MELISSA: I'm pleased to help.
When buying gifts for seniors, keep in mind that most seniors have more than their share of dusting powder and aftershave, and have run out of room for bud vases and bird feeders. Some practical alternatives:
-- Postcards or lined stationery with a generous supply of postage stamps.
-- A gift certificate for their favorite grocery store, deli or pharmacy.
-- An assortment of greeting cards for birthdays and anniversaries, as well as get-well and condolence cards.
-- A "paid in advance" certificate for 10 lawn mowings or snow shovelings by a neighborhood youngster.
-- A "certificate" for a service you can perform that is difficult for them -- a thorough house cleaning, a month's laundry, a handyman visit for home safety inspection and minor repairs.
-- An offer to rewrite their address book in large, more legible print.
-- A month of Sunday drives to church, or to the country, the museum or the park.
-- If the person on your list is on a limited income, a check in any amount will be appreciated.
-- A subscription to their favorite magazine or the daily newspaper.
-- A basket of goodies assembled especially for them: cans of ham, tuna, chicken, hearty soups, chili and stew; instant coffee and tea bags; crackers; instant soup mixes.
-- A selection of their treasured, tattered photos retouched and placed into a new album, with captions.
-- A drive to see the Christmas lights and decorations, as well as store windows.
If a senior says, "Please don't give me anything," that usually means, "I have more things than I need." However, a gift of your time will be appreciated and remembered long after the holiday has passed and the material gifts are stored away. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: I have lived in a sexless marriage for almost 25 years. Shortly after our marriage, my husband told me that since we didn't plan to raise a family, there was no need to have sexual relations. He said he didn't like to get hot and sweaty.
A few days ago, I ran across a prescription bottle of -- you guessed it -- Viagra. I know he's not using it for my benefit. Should I confront him about it? I have thought sex was a dead issue for my entire married life, and this really distresses me. -- CAROL IN SMALLTOWN, MO.
DEAR CAROL: You have good reason to be distressed. Although you thought sex was a dead issue for your entire married life, it appears there has been a resurrection. Your husband owes you an explanation.
Everybody has a problem. What's yours? Get it off your chest by writing to Dear Abby, P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, Calif. 90069. For a personal reply, please enclose a stamped, self-addressed envelope.
Woman Who Was Stood Up Won't Take It Sitting Down
DEAR ABBY: I'm very upset with my boyfriend. "Jeff" stood me up on the anniversary of our first date. It was a very important occasion to me. He had promised that we'd have a special date that evening.
I was recuperating from a hysterectomy, and it would have been our first night of lovemaking since the surgery. He had been very supportive up until that time.
Jeff is in the National Guard and volunteers for extra duty to earn extra pay because he's between jobs. However, he could have at least called me to say he couldn't make it. This is the second time in six months that he's stood me up without calling.
I haven't called him and I don't think I should. I did write him an angry letter with a lot of name-calling, but I didn't mail it. (It helped me dispel some anger.)
What do I do now? -- PUT OUT IN ALBUQUERQUE
DEAR PUT OUT: I don't blame you for being upset. Now comes the hard part -- waiting to see how long it takes Jeff to call and apologize for standing you up. If you don't hear from him within two weeks, you can safely assume he has ended the relationship -- and not very nicely, I might add.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to address my remarks to "Dying Inside," who witnessed his girlfriend and his "best friend" in a sex act in the friend's car, and asked your advice.
You, my friend, are not alone. There are loads of men and women who have also died inside, but take it from me -- it will only get worse if you don't quickly distance yourself from these two.
My ex-wife, whom I loved too much and took from near poverty, "rewarded" me by cheating with a man I thought was my friend. I had helped him find employment doing gardening at the mall she managed. Because of my blind love for her, I not only allowed her to embarrass me with my friends and family, I also gave her the opportunity to steal my hard-earned money.
So please, "Dying Inside," for your own sake, do not allow this cheat to inflict any more of the pain that I'm sure will follow the pain you now feel. Don't be the fool that I was. Listen to someone who has been there, and not to your heart. Run fast, my friend, and don't look back. -- BROKENHEARTED, BROKEN FINANCIALLY, BUT FINALLY HAPPY
DEAR FINALLY HAPPY: Your signature speaks volumes. Your lesson makes sense. Betrayal is painful to face, not to mention damaging to one's self-esteem. And as hard as the perpetrator may try to justify the betrayal, it doesn't diminish the enormity of it. I'm pleased to know that you are recovering.
DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter about the "paper shower" invitation. I agree with the writer. I never would have thought twice about it. I would have bought two 24-roll packages of toilet paper, an eight-roll package of paper towels, four boxes of tissues and two packages of paper napkins to take to the shower.
I'm sure I would have been embarrassed at the party when everyone else gave money, but I would have loved seeing the expression on the face of the bride-to-be when she opened my paper gift! -- GRANDMA J.J., WOODBURY, MINN.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)