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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between my husband and me. On a recent business trip he took with five male co-workers and one female co-worker, my husband spent the night in the same room (two double beds in one room) as the woman. When I found out, I hit the ceiling. I don't think it is proper for a married man to share a room with a single woman with whom he works, no matter how innocent or harmless he claims the situation was. I think it also shows a lack of respect for the spouse sitting at home.

The company did not book enough rooms so the woman could have a room of her own, nor did they check to see if a rollaway bed was available so my husband could room with two other men.

My husband doesn't think there was anything wrong with this arrangement and neither did anyone else on the trip. If I hadn't let him know how upset I was, he would have spent all three nights in the same room with her. Now he is upset with me because he had to pay to move to a different hotel. I'm thinking he may have to change jobs if this is the way this company runs its business trips. Please give me your opinion. -- UPSET IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR UPSET: It was inappropriate for your husband's company to have booked him in a room with a woman, regardless of either's marital status. Your husband took proper action by moving to another hotel, and the company should reimburse him for his expenses.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years. My in-laws live in another time zone, one hour ahead. When they come here to visit, they stay on their normal schedule. They expect to eat, go to bed, get up, etc., just as they do when they are at home. They literally take over, and my family is expected to do everything on THEIR time.

Abby, I was taught that when you're a houseguest, you're supposed to fit into the lifestyle of your host.

My father-in-law takes us out to eat when he comes here. Does that give him the right to take over our house, boss us, and force us to adapt to his schedule? Please let me know what to do. I'm at my wit's end about this. Should I keep my mouth shut or demand that when they visit they be more considerate?

Please don't reveal my name or location. My husband sides with his parents in this and has threatened to divorce me if I say anything to them about the way I feel. I think it's very rude behavior on the part of the in-laws. They should know better, as they're in their late 60s and early 70s. -- FURIOUS

DEAR FURIOUS: After 27 years, I think it's far too late to change the rules. Your husband's parents are too old to change at this point. As people grow older, their schedules become more difficult to alter. Continue being the accommodating hostess you have always been, and keep the visits -- and the conflict -- to a minimum.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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