What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CO-ED ROOMS ON THE ROAD ARE NIXED BY BUSINESSMAN'S WIFE
DEAR ABBY: Please settle a dispute between my husband and me. On a recent business trip he took with five male co-workers and one female co-worker, my husband spent the night in the same room (two double beds in one room) as the woman. When I found out, I hit the ceiling. I don't think it is proper for a married man to share a room with a single woman with whom he works, no matter how innocent or harmless he claims the situation was. I think it also shows a lack of respect for the spouse sitting at home.
The company did not book enough rooms so the woman could have a room of her own, nor did they check to see if a rollaway bed was available so my husband could room with two other men.
My husband doesn't think there was anything wrong with this arrangement and neither did anyone else on the trip. If I hadn't let him know how upset I was, he would have spent all three nights in the same room with her. Now he is upset with me because he had to pay to move to a different hotel. I'm thinking he may have to change jobs if this is the way this company runs its business trips. Please give me your opinion. -- UPSET IN EUGENE, ORE.
DEAR UPSET: It was inappropriate for your husband's company to have booked him in a room with a woman, regardless of either's marital status. Your husband took proper action by moving to another hotel, and the company should reimburse him for his expenses.
DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 27 years. My in-laws live in another time zone, one hour ahead. When they come here to visit, they stay on their normal schedule. They expect to eat, go to bed, get up, etc., just as they do when they are at home. They literally take over, and my family is expected to do everything on THEIR time.
Abby, I was taught that when you're a houseguest, you're supposed to fit into the lifestyle of your host.
My father-in-law takes us out to eat when he comes here. Does that give him the right to take over our house, boss us, and force us to adapt to his schedule? Please let me know what to do. I'm at my wit's end about this. Should I keep my mouth shut or demand that when they visit they be more considerate?
Please don't reveal my name or location. My husband sides with his parents in this and has threatened to divorce me if I say anything to them about the way I feel. I think it's very rude behavior on the part of the in-laws. They should know better, as they're in their late 60s and early 70s. -- FURIOUS
DEAR FURIOUS: After 27 years, I think it's far too late to change the rules. Your husband's parents are too old to change at this point. As people grow older, their schedules become more difficult to alter. Continue being the accommodating hostess you have always been, and keep the visits -- and the conflict -- to a minimum.
Man's Surprising Generosity Makes His Neighbors Uneasy
DEAR ABBY: Recently a neighbor, and friend of 12 years, purchased a new riding mower after the engine on his mower burned out. He asked if my husband would have any interest in the old mower, and said that if he didn't, it would be put out on the curb with a sign reading "free for the taking." Knowing the mower was in good shape, and that he could rebuild the engine or replace it, my husband accepted the offer. We felt this was a generous gift and we needed to replace our mower anyway.
A few days later, we came home to find our neighbor's new mower in our driveway. We thought he had brought it over for us to borrow while the one he gave us was in the repair shop. When we asked, he said it was the new one he had bought recently and he wanted us to have it. He had gotten another one for himself.
We tried to refuse such an expensive gift, but he became insistent and said he wanted us to have it. It made him happy to give it to us.
Abby, these neighbors are not wealthy. In fact, they are both in poor health and his wife is terminally ill. It seems too generous a gift to accept. Even if you feel we should accept it, it seems a waste of money that could be spent in a more practical way. -- GRATEFUL BUT UNCOMFORTABLE IN MAINE
DEAR GRATEFUL: Accept the gift graciously. It made your neighbor happy to give the mower to you. It would be wonderful if you repaid his generosity by being there for him and his ailing wife during this difficult time. Or perhaps you could be a Good Samaritan by doing an unexpected favor for someone else down the road. Good deeds have been known to generate other good deeds.
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "Dreading It in the Carolinas," who suggested that people check out the comfort level of their guest room -- or lack thereof.
Abby, we're on the verge of needing a booking agent to manage the comings and goings of all our houseguests. Often there are only a few hours between guests in which to change the sheets and clean the bathroom.
I always put fresh flowers in the guest room, offer turn-down service in the evenings and serve meals planned well in advance. Yet, I overhear comments that the bed is too soft, the bed is too hard, the house is too hot or too cold, the bird is too noisy, the dog is too friendly, ad infinitum. And yes, I have experienced the veiled insult of sheets, towels, silverware, etc., received as hostess gifts.
Abby, our guests are welcome to share whatever worldly possessions we have, but if what we have doesn't meet their standards, perhaps the hotel down the street would be more to their liking. People who hitchhike shouldn't complain that there's no heater in the car! -- LOVE ME, NOT MY HOUSE, COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO
DEAR LOVE ME: I suspect you may be overreacting to some of the comments you've overheard. The volume of guests you're entertaining attests to the quality of your hospitality. I'm sure you are an excellent hostess. However, to regard hostess gifts you have received from former houseguests as "veiled insults" only generates ill-feeling where no offense may have been intended, so please try to be less defensive.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SERVICEMEN AND WOMEN ARE COUNTING ON READERS TO WRITE
DEAR ABBY: My husband is in the military. I recently found a couple of cassette tapes he recorded to me while he was in the Gulf War. I had forgotten much of what was on them. As I listened to them again, all the emotions and memories came flooding back.
I listened to air-raid sirens going off as my husband was donning his chemical gear. I heard him describe cold showers, fly-infested food, the vastness of the desert and foul-smelling camels. I heard the constant "boom-boom" of artillery as they fought the Republican Guard, and felt the adrenaline race through my husband's blood as he described the "highway of death" and the destruction he saw.
The only time his voice ever shook with emotion was when he described the cards and letters that came from people all over the United States during Operation Dear Abby. He couldn't believe so many people cared about his well-being, regardless of their personal feelings about the war.
When the war finally ended and he flew home, he described the reception he received at Bangor, Maine. Hundreds of people (including many Vietnam veterans) cheered the troops' arrival. I'm amazed at the generosity of those people, including the Vietnam vets who put aside their own bitter memories to give the next generation of soldiers a hero's welcome.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart to everyone who contributed in one way or another to making my husband's days a little brighter. The letters you write each year during Operation Dear Abby really do make a difference. -- A THANKFUL AIR FORCE WIFE
DEAR AIR FORCE WIFE AND READERS: I'm always delighted to read about servicemen and women who have been personally touched by Operation Dear Abby. This annual letter-writing campaign for our troops is designed to let them know that even though they're far from home during the holidays, they're close to our hearts.
IMPORTANT: I have been informed by the Department of Defense that this year, because of world terrorism, mail has been restricted to cards and first-class letters under 11 ounces. NO PACKAGES WILL BE ACCEPTED. But please remember that every letter from home conveys our concern and support for Americans serving in other countries.
I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for Operation Dear Abby XIV. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1998, to Jan. 15, 1999:
For Europe and Southwest Asia:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV
APO AE 09135
For the Mediterranean Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV
FPO AE 09646
For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV
APO AA 34085
For the Far East:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV
APO AP 96285
For the Pacific Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY XIV
FPO AP 96385
For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine land forces in Bosnia:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT FORGE
APO AE 09397-0001
For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT FORGE
FPO AE 09398-0001
Readers, if you have difficulty with these addresses at your local post office, ask the clerk to check recent postal bulletins. OPERATION DEAR ABBY addresses are not always entered into postal computers and clerks may not be aware that they are valid.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)