DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, my sister "Emmy," who has two children, married "Brad," a man with three kids of his own. The children were close in age -- 7 to 10. Now they're almost all teen-agers.
Emmy recently separated from Brad and is considering divorce. The main reason seems to be that Brad's children are disrespectful and disobedient, and are getting into trouble at school. Emmy says she's tired of being "the wicked stepmother" trying to discipline them without any help from him. Brad is very easygoing, and his children do have some behavioral and emotional problems.
I don't want my sister to be unhappy. She should do whatever she thinks is right for herself, her son and daughter. Frankly, if she can't deal with her stepchildren, perhaps they're better off without her as well.
My problem is, I like Brad and I'm fond of his kids. For five years I've considered them part of our family. I feel very uncomfortable suddenly having to treat them like outcasts. Emmy feels that if I continue to see them, I'm taking his side and not supporting her.
Personally, I'm happily married, with a new baby who is very popular with his "step" cousins. I'd appreciate hearing what you think. -- BETWIXT AND BETWEEN
DEAR BETWIXT: The root of your sister's unhappiness is her husband's unwillingness to accept his responsibility as a parent, and it has sabotaged the marriage. Small wonder the children have problems! It's interesting that you are not more sympathetic to the battle she has been through during the last five years, nor more protective of her feelings.
What you decide to do in the long run is up to you. However, until your sister decides whether to continue or end the marriage, in the interest of family loyalty, I think you should back her up.