For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Widower Gets Stuck in Middle of Church Ladies' Tug of War
DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed about the widow who was coming on to a married man at church reminded me of something that happened to me. In my case, the minister had to step in and resolve the matter.
Two old gals, each 80 and widowed, wanted to sit with me in church. I'll call them "Mary" and "Alice."
I'm 71 and a widower. I've never been good-looking, nor made much money. I do have my health, however. I love golf, quail hunting and my church, but have no interest in women and romance.
Several months ago I was in church when Mary sat down beside me. I had seen Mary with her daughter, but didn't know her. Every Sunday after that, Mary joined me. I hinted to her daughter to come and get Mary, but somehow she kept slipping away from her daughter.
About a month later, I was joined by Alice, who'd take the spot on my other side. Now I had TWO women with me, both of whom I was trying hard to shed. Alice would sit down with her daughter, make an excuse like going to the rest room, then hasten to my pew.
Then came an incident that still has the congregation laughing. Mary and I were sitting there and the service was about to begin, when along came Alice. Instead of Alice sitting on my right side, she tried to wedge in on my left, between Mary and me.
Curious to see what would happen, I didn't budge an inch. Neither did Mary. So Alice began wiggling her derriere, trying to force a spot between Mary and me. By now, the congregation was giggling, even laughing aloud.
Suddenly, Alice lost her balance and fell right into my lap. The crowd guffawed. Alice's daughter appeared, helped her mother to her feet and led her away. A moment later, Mary's daughter was there leading away her mom. Mary was protesting, "He's MY man. I saw him first!"
I haven't been bothered by either woman since. I'm told the minister met with both families and the daughters agreed to exercise more control of their mothers. I'm enjoying church a lot more these days. -- 71 IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR 71: How fortunate that Alice's fall from grace occurred in church, where the minister could intercede on your behalf.
Many years ago I was told that the most dangerous place a tourist could be while on safari was between a hippopotamus and water. Your experience illustrates that it can be equally dangerous to get between an amorous woman and the object of her affections.
DEAR ABBY: The company I work for is located on an island, and we must commute by ferry. We can either walk on, take a bus, hitch a ride or drive our cars aboard, but the latter is quite expensive.
My problem: One of my co-workers constantly asks for a ride. She walks onto the ferry and wants to ride with me from the dock to work. She never brings her car, so she can't reciprocate by offering rides to those of us who accommodate her.
Abby, this woman talks nonstop, and I don't always feel sociable. I cherish my private time while I am commuting.
Is there a way I can tell this co-worker she's not welcome to ride with me without offending her? -- IRRITATED ON THE FERRY
DEAR IRRITATED: Probably not. People who are insensitive enough to continually mooch a ride usually become very sensitive when the intrusion is called to their attention. However, honesty with diplomacy is the best way to go. Explain to your co-worker that your commute to work is your "think tank time," and you concentrate more effectively when you are alone with no distractions. Then ask her to please understand and to forgive you for not sharing your car.
22 Nd Smokeout Gives Smokers Their Chance to Clear the Air
DEAR ABBY: I just found this letter I wrote to you last January:
"Dear Abby: I work in a bakery with my boyfriend. He took a couple of days off because of an emergency. I now have to do both our jobs by myself. The stress is on. It's 2 a.m., and I want a cigarette so bad I'm climbing the walls. My jaw is sore from chewing gum instead of smoking -- and I hate pain.
"I smoked my last cigarette Jan. 2. About an hour ago, on my break, I decided to read the paper before making a quick trip to the convenience store. Smack in the middle of your column was another one of those "stop-smoking" letters from a woman named Jill Dial. In the middle of her letter, in capital letters, it said, 'DON'T GIVE UP!' It also said that after a month I will feel better. I sure hope so, because right now I want a cigarette as bad as I did last week, and I sure don't feel better. This is the longest I have gone without a cigarette in 26 years."
Abby, please don't stop printing those "irritating" stop-smoking letters. -- FEELING BETTER IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR TIRED: I need little encouragement to keep printing those stop-smoking letters. This one's for you. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: If I've learned nothing else from reading your column, I have learned to thank a person right away and not postpone it.
Abby, thank you so very much for your annual crusade in November against smoking. Thank you for my 10 years of smoke-free living. I'll think of you for many years with a grateful heart.
I smoked for more than 40 years. I started as a preteen. I had tried to stop a few times, but had been unsuccessful. I guess the reasons I finally succeeded were: (1) I truly wanted to stop; and (2) Your crusade gave me a reason to stop for a day. That day turned into more days -- and here we are.
Keep up the good work! I'm sure there are many more converts waiting in the wings. Please keep pounding out the message that smoking is NOT COOL. -- WALTER IN ALLENTOWN, PA.
DEAR WALTER: Your letter made my day. I commend you for overcoming your addiction. Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your 10th anniversary of kicking the smoking habit.
What a fitting way to announce that tomorrow, Nov. 19, marks the 22nd Annual Great American Smokeout. The Smokeout is a one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit smoking for 24 hours -- to prove that they can do it. In 1997, 24 percent of smokers (approximately 11,280,000 people) participated in the Great American Smokeout. Of those participating, 19 percent reported they were smoking less or not at all one to five days later. That's more than 2 million people who are well on their way to healthier, smoke-free lives -- thanks to the American Cancer Society.
I am told that while "cold turkey" is the most difficult, it's also the most effective way to kick the habit. Those who need help or want more information about the effects of tobacco may call the local chapter of the American Cancer Society or 1-800-ACS-2345.
So, Dear Readers, if you're hooked on tobacco and have been saying, "One of these days, I'm going to quit," why not join the Great American Smokeout and quit tomorrow? It won't be easy, but it will be the best Thanksgiving gift you can give yourself and those who love you.
Abby shares her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "Abby's More Favorite Recipes." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 per booklet ($4.50 each in Canada) to: Dear Abby Cookbooklets I and II, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)
SISTER-IN-LAW'S BIG MOUTH IS USED TO BAD-MOUTH FAMILY
DEAR ABBY: My brother "Pete" is married to "June," an opinionated big-mouth who never has a kind word to say to anybody. She frequently berates Pete and other members of our family. This behavior is disturbing to the entire family, especially to our mother.
My other brother, "Seth," was sentenced to prison on drug charges. Our family has suffered a great deal of pain because of Seth, but we have found strength in our unity and have remained supportive of him. June, however, never misses an opportunity to express her hatred for Seth. She's completely insensitive to our feelings. Although she's Pete's wife, I don't consider her a sister-in-law because she does not behave like a member of the family.
I would like to write her off and never have any contact with her again, but I worry that it would upset my mother and Pete, and they don't need any more problems.
Abby, can you please advise me how to deal with June without starting a lifetime family feud? -- HAD IT UP TO HERE
DEAR HAD IT: Yes. Take June aside and tell her that the family needs her support right now, and to knock off her negative remarks about Seth because they are hurtful and not appreciated. If that doesn't put a stop to it -- tune her out or limit your time with her.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Second Love, Pleasant Plains, Ohio," the second wife who described her in-laws displaying pictures on their walls of her husband and his first wife, while relegating pictures of him and her to the albums, struck a chord with me.
My fiancee has a "family pictures wall" with all her family members including her late husband. He was a dashing fellow. She displays his police badges, awards, and his folded casket flag on her mantel. Does this bother me? Not in the least! I am her LIVING companion for the remainder of our lives. That she will be buried with him in the military cemetery is OK by me. I will be buried in the same cemetery, although not beside her. That's also OK by me.
Abby, they met and married in Vietnam when they were both Army nurses. They shared 23 happy years together. With God's blessing, I hope to share as many more with her. She is a jewel without price! -- TED BENDER, SAN ANTONIO
DEAR TED: And you, my friend, are the platinum band to hold such a jewel. Your compassion and understanding are precious indeed.
DEAR ABBY: I am newly married, and I just found out from a friend that my husband's ex-fiancee has a tattoo on her behind with his name. Everyone in this small town knows about it, because he bragged about how "cute" it was.
My friend says the girl has offered to have it removed since he has married someone else, but she can't afford it. My husband paid to have the tattoo put on, and I think he should give her the money to have it removed since he can well afford it.
He reads your column faithfully, so I think he will listen to you better than he would to me. -- NEWLYWED IN DECATUR
DEAR NEWLYWED'S HUSBAND: I agree with your wife. It's time to put the tattoo behind all of you. Since you paid to have it put on your former fiancee's derriere, ante up for the surgery to remove it. That should put an end to it.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)