To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Wartime Correspondence Is Treasure Trove of History
DEAR READERS: In honor of Veterans Day, I want to tell you about a young man on a mission to remember our nation's veterans in a unique and meaningful way -- by preserving their old letters!
Andy Carroll is the founder of The Legacy Project, an all-volunteer, national effort that promotes a greater appreciation for letters and the art of letter-writing. All of Andy's letters were destroyed when his house burned down years ago, and he knows firsthand how important it is to save old letters before they're lost or damaged. He is also the editor of a book titled "Letters of a Nation: A Collection of Extraordinary American Letters" (Kodansha America), which was recently published.
Andy is now working with the Veterans Administration, museums and archives around the country to encourage Americans to search through their homes for historically significant war letters. These may include eyewitness accounts of battles or acts of heroism, encounters with famous military leaders, love letters, or any other irreplaceable messages or little-known stories that will offer historians and future generations a better understanding of those who served and sacrificed for our country.
The letters can be some you've personally written or received, or letters written by a relative from any war in which Americans were involved. (Remember Grandpa's old war letters in the attic? They may offer profound insight into the life of a soldier.)
The Legacy Project will direct all potentially significant letters to respected museums and archives, which -- with your permission -- will then preserve them for posterity. If you prefer to keep your letters, The Legacy Project will send you information on safeguarding them.
The Legacy Project is not looking for money. It is funded by proceeds from Andy's book.
If you believe you have a historically significant letter you would like to share, please send a COPY (no originals, please!) to Andy at: Operation Mail Call, c/o The Legacy Project, P.O. Box 21812, Washington, D.C. 20009-1812.
DEAR ABBY: Although I have read your column for years, I have never felt so strongly about something that I needed to write to you. However, I recently saw the movie "Saving Private Ryan."
Abby, I have never been so affected by a film in all my life. I'm a 29-year-old woman who has, thank God, never lived through a war -- except the Gulf War, which was short-lived. I was aware of most of the aspects of World War II because of what I had learned in school. However, it never before hit me with the impact it did when I saw it on the big screen. It was so realistic, I felt I was there.
I'm writing to thank all the men and women who have served our country, not only in times of war -- but also in peacetime. I have never felt as much respect and gratitude as I do now. And thank you, too, Steven Spielberg, for bringing this movie to the screen for all to see. -- THANKFUL AMERICAN IN NEW YORK
DEAR THANKFUL: Thank you for your timely sentiments, which I am sharing with all veterans today. Freedom-loving Americans owe a great debt to our servicemen and women who daily put themselves at risk to serve this nation. They deserve our unqualified support, and at least a moment of respect for their many sacrifices.
Commuting Winery Worker Is Too Eager to Sample Wares
DEAR ABBY: My friend and I commute daily to work. She works in the tasting room of a well-known winery. I work in the administration office. Our drive is about half an hour round-trip over a twisty mountain road where accidents frequently occur.
My friend has a drinking problem, only she doesn't think so. Working behind the wine bar every day, the wine is very accessible. She drinks two to three glasses of wine for lunch and about the same amount after closing time.
Her husband and her supervisor have discussed her drinking with her, but she shrugs it off. I feel that I need to bring it up because I am a passenger in her car two weeks out of every month. There have been times when I have offered to drive her home, but she says, "Oh, I've driven home with more of a buzz than this before."
Abby, I don't want to be in an accident, but I know that she will have one sooner or later. My husband has told me to call him anytime I feel she has had too much to drink and he will drive me home, which he has done.
Could you please advise me? Should I talk to her? Should I talk to her husband first? I'm very concerned. -- WINE WORKER IN THE NAPA VALLEY
DEAR WINE WORKER: Your co-worker is an occupational accident waiting to happen. Stop commuting with her, unless you are driving, and tell her why. There is no reason to talk to her husband first; he knows she has a problem. She needs to be jarred into the reality that she shouldn't drink and drive. Your lives and her job depend upon it.
DEAR ABBY: A customer's manager recently requested a conference at my office. After the conference was over, he leaned toward me and asked if I minded if he asked me a personal question. I replied, "No," and he whispered, "Why do you have such an ugly secretary?" Shocked, I asked him who he was referring to. He said, "The woman just outside your office."
I looked out at my secretary. "Barbara" was neat as a pin, but I realized she was very plain-looking, with a large, bulbous nose, thinning hair and deeply pockmarked skin. I turned back to the manager and said, "Barbara is so vivacious I've never regarded her as ugly. She always speaks lovingly of her husband, and talks about her children as though they're angels. She's a terrific worker and comes to work every day with a smile on her face. It's contagious."
Abby, that man's secretary could easily adorn the cover of Playboy, but I'll bet he doesn't enjoy working with her as much as I enjoy working with my secretary. -- HAPPY BOSS
DEAR HAPPY BOSS: Many parents have told their children that "pretty is as pretty does." Your secretary listened. Thank you for sharing the incident with me and my readers. You must be a terrific boss.
DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I are very much in love and we live together. I would like to propose to her; however, she has made it very clear that she does not want an engagement ring.
Abby, I would like to give her something as an engagement gift. Any ideas? -- TIM IN NEW HAMPSHIRE
DEAR TIM: You are asking the wrong person. Ask your girlfriend what she would like to have as an engagement gift, and take her with you to select it.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TARTED-UP GIRLS' CLOTHING BRINGS OUT READERS' WRATH
DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the letter from "Troubled Grandma," who was appalled at her 7-year-old granddaughter's revealing bathing suit. Lest you think Grandma is hopelessly old-fashioned, my daughter is 9 (I am 30), and I think some of the clothes marketed for girls are pretty shocking. Last summer, the style was teeny little tops that exposed the navel and had spaghetti straps, worn with bell-bottom hip-hugger jeans. The skirts this year are minis and the shoes are chunky with platforms.
My daughter plays with another 9-year-old whose mother bought her huge platform shoes for the summer. Every time the girls would run out to play on the swing set, this girl's ankle would turn and she would fall off her shoes! I told my daughter not even to THINK of wearing stuff like that.
I used to work the night shift for a courier service. My "run" took me into Manhattan between the hours of 1 and 3 a.m. (My husband, who was my fiance at the time, was beside himself about my doing it, but I needed the job.) During those hours, prostitutes would openly solicit on street corners -- and guess what they were wearing? Teeny tops with spaghetti straps, tight jeans and platform shoes!
Kids need to be kids for a long time. My daughter still has a "blankie" she sleeps with, and she isn't ashamed of it. In my opinion, girls should be concerned with skipping rope, running in the sunshine, swinging on swings and jumping in leaf piles after their studies. Dressing them like women pushes them to grow up too fast. -- OLD-FASHIONED MOM, TRUMBULL, CONN.
DEAR OLD-FASHIONED MOM: When I printed the letter from "Troubled Grandma," I did not realize what a hot-button issue children's fashions has become. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I would like to validate the feelings of "Troubled Grandma." I'm the mother of a 5-year-old girl and feel strongly about this issue. It's very difficult to find appropriate clothing for little girls, especially swimwear. All the suits are cut high at the leg; many have see-through sides and backs that leave little to the imagination. Wake up, people! Our little girls need a chance to be little girls! This means telling them "NO!" when they choose inappropriate clothing, and refusing to buy from manufacturers who are irresponsible.
I remember when I was young, my mom said "NO!" to outfits that were too sophisticated or revealing. I thank her for teaching me how to dress with style and class. These decisions are taught by responsible parents who have the guts to draw the line with whiny children, media and manufacturers who do not have a clue (and could not care less) about what makes a little girl become a self-confident, independent woman. -- STANDING TALL IN TEXAS
DEAR STANDING TALL: Thank you for speaking out on behalf of many like-minded parents. I hope the manufacturers are listening, because what I'm hearing is there is money to be made if someone can come up with a sensible, as well as appealing, clothing line. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Please tell "Troubled Grandma" that in March, the new bathing suits will arrive in department stores. She should buy her granddaughter the cutest ruffled one-piece swimsuit she can find, send it to her, and ask for a photo of the child wearing it. Perhaps that will "cover" the problem! -- CHRISTINE L. ORMAN, DALLAS
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)