For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Lends a Helping Hand and Gets Slapped in the Face
DEAR ABBY: One of my best friends (I'll call her Peggy) has betrayed me. There was an opening for a position at my place of employment that paid more than the job she had. Peggy asked if I would help her get the job.
After attempting to put her off, and against my better judgment, I agreed to help Peggy because she had always been responsible at work. I spoke to the supervisor of the department and told her how reliable my friend was, so she agreed to interview her.
Abby, based on my recommendation, Peggy was hired, but after only four days, she decided the job was not for her and she quit.
Should I apologize to my supervisor? I know I'll lose respect from my co-workers because of what Peggy did, and I'd like to regain it. Am I justified in being angry with Peggy, and should I say something to her, too? -- EMBARRASSED AT WORK
DEAR EMBARRASSED: Since you went to bat for your friend, it would be in your best interest to apologize to your supervisor for the lemon you recommended. And you would not be out of line if you told Peggy that her irresponsible behavior damaged your credibility and embarrassed you. Next time, listen to your intuition.
DEAR ABBY: I am the divorced father of a 7-year-old daughter. I'll call her Gloria. I have custody of Gloria every Thursday and every other weekend, but it's not often enough. However, "Lois," her mother, will not agree to give us more time together. Lois, by the way, has newborn twins. I think she's spending so much time with them that Gloria is getting too little of her mother's attention.
Abby, my daughter cries constantly and begs to spend more time with me. We have a great relationship and love each other very much. It breaks my heart to drop her off at her mother's home, and Gloria never wants to leave me. I remarried right after the divorce and my second wife is due to deliver our first child in a few weeks. I think the new baby about to join our family may have upset Gloria. Perhaps that's the reason for her tears. I worry that my beautiful daughter will become a problem child in need of therapy.
A few days ago, before I dropped Gloria off at school, I mentioned that I had a "tummyache." She worried about me all day, terrified that I would die. When Lois picked her up after school, the teacher told her that Gloria was crying because of me, so Lois called and screamed at me for upsetting Gloria. I spoke to my daughter on the phone and calmed her a little bit, but she was still worried.
I suggested again to Lois that Gloria be allowed to spend more time in my home, but Lois screamed, "It's too disruptive!" She's extremely stubborn when it comes to Gloria and will not listen to a word I say.
Abby, I'd give my life to save Gloria's, and now I ask myself why I didn't remain in my marriage, despite my unhappiness, so that I could be a full-time father to my precious daughter. But I didn't, so now what do I do? -- DESPERATE DAD
DEAR DESPERATE DAD: Now you go back to court and make a formal request for more time with your daughter. In the light of what you told me, I hope the judge will be sympathetic.
Policeman Who Won't Call May Be Copping Out of Relationship
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old professional woman dating a 22-year-old police officer. In recent weeks, our level of communication has dropped. He tells me his schedule has been hectic and he has not been able to return my calls. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days.
When we began dating, we spent a lot more time together, but lately our togetherness has dwindled to almost nothing. He blames his work schedule. I want to believe him, but my friends say he's not being truthful with me and I should dump him. They say if he really wanted to call me, he would find a way.
Abby, I think his profession makes their conclusion invalid, but I'm not sure. What do you think? -- UNSURE IN UPLAND
DEAR UNSURE: I suspect your friends are correct. While your boyfriend may not be able to return your calls during duty hours, even police officers have some time off.
Ask him to be honest with you about his feelings so you'll know where you stand. Once you know, you can decide how to proceed.
DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble getting my mind off this problem. My wife passed away four months ago. She dearly loved flowers, and everyone in the family knew it. I was very disappointed that with 35 relatives attending her funeral, only six sent flower arrangements.
I'd like to know the proper procedure for flowers at a funeral. If you attend the funeral, perhaps you don't need to send flowers. I have been to three funerals since my wife's death and sent flowers to each one. Please answer my letter to ease my mind. -- MOURNING IN TEXAS
DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife.
To answer your question, there is no "requirement" that those who attend the funeral must send flowers. It's a matter of personal choice. The trend at funerals in recent years has been away from masses of flowers. Often the family will request that in lieu of flowers, a contribution in memory of the deceased be made to a charity, hoping something positive will result from their loss.
If it's any comfort to you, in my opinion six floral arrangements were appropriate tributes to your wife's fondness for flowers.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on two letters that have appeared in your column: one, from "The Last Nice Guy," whose 18-year-old girlfriend cheated on him while she was on vacation, and the other from "Feels Confined in Pacifica, Calif.," whose 19-year-old girlfriend is jealous when he wants to spend time with his friends.
Abby, they BOTH need to find out that true love is built on trust!
I would like to remind "Nice Guy" that if the woman would cheat on you now, she could also cheat on you in the years to come, after you are married with children. There ARE nice women out there who want to find a nice man. I found one. And I'm sure that you'll eventually find a nice woman to spend your life with.
To "Confined," I'd like to say, this gives you an excellent opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend. Be completely honest and kind, but tell her what you told Abby -- that you care for her, but you occasionally need time by yourself. If she's a woman worth keeping, she'll understand. -- BEEN THERE IN PUEBLO, COLO.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
CHANGE IN NAME WILL CAUSE BABY BOY TO LOSE HIS TITLE
DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant and due in November. I want to name my son John Charles Kwiatkowski III. My father-in-law's name is John Kwiatkowski and my husband's name is John Kwiatkowski Jr. Neither of them has a middle name. My sister-in-law says that altering the name, by adding or changing the middle name, negates the title. Don't the royals in England do this all the time? Who is correct? -- KELLY-JEAN KWIATKOWSKI, WARMINSTER, PA.
DEAR KELLY-JEAN: I can't speak for the British royals, but your sister-in-law is correct. By giving your son a middle name, you make it different from the name of his father and grandfather; therefore, he will not be third in rank.
Perhaps you might enjoy this little poem to include in your son's baby book:
YOUR NAME (Author Unknown)
You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
So it's yours to use and cherish
For as long as you may live.
If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced.
But a black mark on your name, son,
Can never be erased.
It was clean the day you took it
And a worthy name to bear
When he got it from his father,
There was no dishonor there.
So make sure you guard it wisely,
After all is said and done
You'll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding same-sex adults holding hands while walking in public, I was reminded of the orientation we received in the Navy in 1948, prior to going ashore in Istanbul, Turkey.
We were told that it was common for Turkish soldiers to walk in public holding hands, and that unless we wanted to instigate a fight, to simply ignore it. On the other hand, we were warned that men in uniform would be targets of ridicule if they ate an ice-cream cone in public!
Values, values and values -- all depends on where you are. -- RICHARD J. KLEIN, PHOENIX
DEAR RICHARD: You're right. In our ever-shrinking world, it's to everybody's benefit not only to learn about other cultures, but to keep an open mind as well.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received a wedding invitation from a relative in Oregon. I was surprised to see enclosed with the invitation a bank deposit slip and a request to help pay for the mortgage on their "dream house." Is this a common practice with wedding invitations? This request made no mention of money in lieu of traditional gifts. Am I expected to give a monetary gift along with another gift? The wedding is soon, and I'm waiting for your response before I send money or buy a gift. -- STUMPED IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR STUMPED: Send a gift and ignore the request for money ... unless you can send a little toy bird that says "Cheap, cheap!"
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)