What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Policeman Who Won't Call May Be Copping Out of Relationship
DEAR ABBY: I am a 30-year-old professional woman dating a 22-year-old police officer. In recent weeks, our level of communication has dropped. He tells me his schedule has been hectic and he has not been able to return my calls. Sometimes I don't hear from him for days.
When we began dating, we spent a lot more time together, but lately our togetherness has dwindled to almost nothing. He blames his work schedule. I want to believe him, but my friends say he's not being truthful with me and I should dump him. They say if he really wanted to call me, he would find a way.
Abby, I think his profession makes their conclusion invalid, but I'm not sure. What do you think? -- UNSURE IN UPLAND
DEAR UNSURE: I suspect your friends are correct. While your boyfriend may not be able to return your calls during duty hours, even police officers have some time off.
Ask him to be honest with you about his feelings so you'll know where you stand. Once you know, you can decide how to proceed.
DEAR ABBY: I'm having trouble getting my mind off this problem. My wife passed away four months ago. She dearly loved flowers, and everyone in the family knew it. I was very disappointed that with 35 relatives attending her funeral, only six sent flower arrangements.
I'd like to know the proper procedure for flowers at a funeral. If you attend the funeral, perhaps you don't need to send flowers. I have been to three funerals since my wife's death and sent flowers to each one. Please answer my letter to ease my mind. -- MOURNING IN TEXAS
DEAR MOURNING: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your beloved wife.
To answer your question, there is no "requirement" that those who attend the funeral must send flowers. It's a matter of personal choice. The trend at funerals in recent years has been away from masses of flowers. Often the family will request that in lieu of flowers, a contribution in memory of the deceased be made to a charity, hoping something positive will result from their loss.
If it's any comfort to you, in my opinion six floral arrangements were appropriate tributes to your wife's fondness for flowers.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to comment on two letters that have appeared in your column: one, from "The Last Nice Guy," whose 18-year-old girlfriend cheated on him while she was on vacation, and the other from "Feels Confined in Pacifica, Calif.," whose 19-year-old girlfriend is jealous when he wants to spend time with his friends.
Abby, they BOTH need to find out that true love is built on trust!
I would like to remind "Nice Guy" that if the woman would cheat on you now, she could also cheat on you in the years to come, after you are married with children. There ARE nice women out there who want to find a nice man. I found one. And I'm sure that you'll eventually find a nice woman to spend your life with.
To "Confined," I'd like to say, this gives you an excellent opportunity to strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend. Be completely honest and kind, but tell her what you told Abby -- that you care for her, but you occasionally need time by yourself. If she's a woman worth keeping, she'll understand. -- BEEN THERE IN PUEBLO, COLO.
CHANGE IN NAME WILL CAUSE BABY BOY TO LOSE HIS TITLE
DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant and due in November. I want to name my son John Charles Kwiatkowski III. My father-in-law's name is John Kwiatkowski and my husband's name is John Kwiatkowski Jr. Neither of them has a middle name. My sister-in-law says that altering the name, by adding or changing the middle name, negates the title. Don't the royals in England do this all the time? Who is correct? -- KELLY-JEAN KWIATKOWSKI, WARMINSTER, PA.
DEAR KELLY-JEAN: I can't speak for the British royals, but your sister-in-law is correct. By giving your son a middle name, you make it different from the name of his father and grandfather; therefore, he will not be third in rank.
Perhaps you might enjoy this little poem to include in your son's baby book:
YOUR NAME (Author Unknown)
You got it from your father
It was all he had to give
So it's yours to use and cherish
For as long as you may live.
If you lose the watch he gave you
It can always be replaced.
But a black mark on your name, son,
Can never be erased.
It was clean the day you took it
And a worthy name to bear
When he got it from his father,
There was no dishonor there.
So make sure you guard it wisely,
After all is said and done
You'll be glad the name is spotless
When you give it to your son.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding same-sex adults holding hands while walking in public, I was reminded of the orientation we received in the Navy in 1948, prior to going ashore in Istanbul, Turkey.
We were told that it was common for Turkish soldiers to walk in public holding hands, and that unless we wanted to instigate a fight, to simply ignore it. On the other hand, we were warned that men in uniform would be targets of ridicule if they ate an ice-cream cone in public!
Values, values and values -- all depends on where you are. -- RICHARD J. KLEIN, PHOENIX
DEAR RICHARD: You're right. In our ever-shrinking world, it's to everybody's benefit not only to learn about other cultures, but to keep an open mind as well.
DEAR ABBY: I recently received a wedding invitation from a relative in Oregon. I was surprised to see enclosed with the invitation a bank deposit slip and a request to help pay for the mortgage on their "dream house." Is this a common practice with wedding invitations? This request made no mention of money in lieu of traditional gifts. Am I expected to give a monetary gift along with another gift? The wedding is soon, and I'm waiting for your response before I send money or buy a gift. -- STUMPED IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR STUMPED: Send a gift and ignore the request for money ... unless you can send a little toy bird that says "Cheap, cheap!"
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Home Fire Drill Is Important Preparation for the Real Thing
DEAR ABBY: I'll bet the majority of your readers think they'd be able to find their way out of their home quickly and safely if a fire broke out late at night. The sad truth is, only a small percentage of the population is actually prepared to do so. If there were a real fire, that lack of preparation could cost them their lives.
Let me share some frightening numbers with you. The nonprofit National Fire Protection Association asked a similar question in a survey, and our worst fears were confirmed. Although most people feel relatively safe from fire, only 16 percent of those who responded had planned and actually practiced how they'd escape if they had a fire in their home. That means nearly 85 percent of the population will be woefully ill-prepared if fire strikes.
And ill-prepared they are: The fact is, eight out of 10 fire deaths in the United States take place in the home. For that reason, it's critical that all of us practice how we'd escape in the event of a home fire; and then practice an ALTERNATIVE escape route in case the first one is blocked. The only sure way to know is to PHYSICALLY practice escaping before there's a fire. In other words: Hold a home fire drill.
Abby, your readers will have an opportunity during this coming Fire Prevention Week, Oct. 4-10, to join others in their communities in planning and practicing their own home fire drills at 6 p.m. on Wednesday, Oct. 7, during the North America-wide Great Escape Fire Drill. As the official sponsor of Fire Prevention Week for more than 70 years, NFPA has teamed up with fire departments all across the United States and Canada that will sound their alarms to signal the start of this first unified community fire drill. Individual families can then begin their fire drill at home. Information about each community's participation will be publicized locally.
Fire drills are the “Great Escape." I hope none of your readers will have to experience escaping a real fire. But it's something they all need to know they can do, and the Great Escape fire drill is a safe way to find out. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR GEORGE: Thank you for this important reminder. And readers, don't forget to change the batteries in your smoke detectors. They are your first line of defense against home fires, but only if they're in working order.
PONDER THIS: “Be grateful for each new day. A new day that you have never lived before. Twenty-four new, fresh, unexplored hours to use usefully and profitably. We can squander, neglect or use it. Life will be richer or poorer by the way we use today.
“Finish every day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” (Ralph Waldo Emerson)
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)