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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: I recently rented a room in a private home, where I have full privileges. I like the people who own the home, but one thing bothers me. Whenever I come home from work or enter a room where they are sitting, they never say hello. They rarely speak to me at all. It's almost as though I don't exist.

These are nice people who go to church on Sunday, but they never acknowledge my presence. I'm not asking to be treated like a member of the family, just acknowledged. Are they being rude, or am I too sensitive? -- IGNORED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR IGNORED: Not all families are as verbal as you may be. Since it bothers you, speak up. Say hello when you enter and make a casual comment that does not require a lengthy response; then go about your business. The living arrangement you have made requires some give-and-take on the part of all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to the letter from "Appalled Cousin," concerning the grandfather who was disinvited from his granddaughter "Lenore's" wedding.

My newest daughter-in-law's wedding took place last June in La Jolla, Calif. Janene had planned for her "Pop-Pop" and grandmother to attend, but her grandmother passed away a couple of months before the event.

The day of the wedding, which was outdoors in a small public park by the beach, Pop-Pop was late in arriving. He's confined to a wheelchair and was running late. Janene simply said, "The wedding doesn't start until Pop-Pop gets here." We all waited, took photos of the wedding party, played with the grandchildren and visited with relatives as the bride waited in the limousine for Pop-Pop to arrive. Because this was a public place, tourists on the sidewalk became curious and stopped to watch the festivities. About an hour later, Pop-Pop arrived. The park was not wheelchair accessible, so he was carried by some strong young men (wheelchair and all) to his place of honor in the front.

Now Janene was ready. As if on cue, the sun broke through the gloomy overcast, the sky turned a vivid blue, the waves turned a brilliant white and the wedding began. When the vows were exchanged, there was cheering and applause even from the sidewalk gallery. Pop-Pop was as radiant as Janene. He is in all of the wedding pictures. Pop-Pop died recently, but he was thrilled to be in the wedding and happy that his granddaughter delayed it just for him.

I'm afraid Lenore just doesn't understand what a perfect wedding is all about.

I'm overjoyed to have such a terrific daughter-in-law come into my family. This girl is a real keeper. Pregnant with her first child, Janene graduated from college summa cum laude this June. The baby (like Pop-Pop) arrived late. Some things are well worth waiting for. -- PAUL ASGEIRSON, PROUD FATHER-IN-LAW, PORTLAND, ORE.

DEAR PAUL: Thank you for an upper of a letter. Your daughter-in-law, Janene, is indeed a prize. Lenore could have learned from her example. May all of you enjoy many more happy, healthy and prosperous years together.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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