Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Planned Parenthood Keeps Its Clients Fully Informed
DEAR ABBY: Until recently, I knew very little about Planned Parenthood. I thought of the organization as mostly performing abortions. I recently learned how wrong I was when a friend shared the experience her family had with Planned Parenthood.
My friend's daughter, "Suzy," was pregnant, and even though she and her husband wanted a family, they were unprepared to start one just then. Suzy was adamant about wanting to end her pregnancy.
Suzy's mother tried her best to convince her to have the baby, but to no avail, so she suggested Suzy make an appointment with a counselor at Planned Parenthood.
Several days passed before Suzy phoned her mother with the good news. The counselor had spoken with Suzy about her decision as well as other options, explaining the ramifications of each. Suzy went home and discussed them with her husband, and they decided together that she should NOT terminate the pregnancy.
I'm not sure whether Suzy will keep the baby or place it for adoption, but I was pleased to learn that the counselor took the time to see that Suzy was fully informed so she could make the right decision for herself and her family.
I hope you will agree that this is important enough to share with your readers. Please don't use my name, since I was told this in confidence. -- PLEASED IN THE SUNSHINE STATE
DEAR PLEASED: I do agree. Among the many low-cost, high-quality health-care services Planned Parenthood provides: screening for sexually transmitted diseases for both men and women; contraceptive counseling and services; sterilization consultation and procedures for men and women; instruction in testicular self-examination; prenatal care, which covers pregnancy and childbirth; and post-partum care, child-rearing and nutrition.
Suzy's experience was not unusual. However, due to hysteria and misinformation, Planned Parenthood's mission -- to promote individual reproductive rights, information, counseling and medical services without regard to age, race, income or marital status -- is sometimes misunderstood.
DEAR ABBY: My niece is pregnant with her first child. She and her husband have three indoor cats, one of which weighs 20 pounds. Our whole family is worried about this because she keeps saying, "Oh, my cats won't even bother with the baby. They don't care what's going on around them."
But, Abby, the cats have been her "babies" for years, and we're all afraid that they will get jealous of the new baby and smother it. Please help us to convince her how wrong she is. -- CONCERNED
DEAR CONCERNED: I consulted my animal expert, Dr. Erwin David. He tells me that in his many years of veterinary practice, he has not once come across a cat smothering a baby. That's a myth which should be put to rest.
However, he also urged that an infant should never be left unattended with ANY pet.
CONFIDENTIAL TO MY ASIAN FRIENDS: It's the Year of the Tiger, and I'd like to take this opportunity to wish you a Happy New Year. In years past, I have said, "Gung Hay Fat Choy," but several individuals wrote to say that is not correct for all Chinese. They suggested that I convey my wishes as follows: "Kung Hsi Fa Tsai," "Kung Ho Hsin Hsi," "Hsin Nien Kuai Le" and "San Ni Fei Lo." This year, to my Vietnamese readers, I'd like to add: "Chuc Mung Nam Moi."
DID HE CHEAT OR DIDN'T HE? THAT IS COUPLE'S QUESTION
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a different opinion about the rules of marital separation.
Early in our marriage, following the birth of a child, my husband became unhappy with our union. Without warning, he announced that he was moving out for a trial separation. During that time he slept with another woman.
He claims that his infidelity was justified because he had moved out. Had I known that the separation was his idea of permission to resume a single lifestyle, I would likely have made very different decisions on my own behalf. If his rules apply, whenever I feel I'm "unhappy" and need to get away, it's OK to take a nice vacation and sleep with whomever I find attractive. However, I doubt he would approve of the shoe being on the other foot, although he thought it was permissible for him to behave that way.
I believe a trial separation serves as a vehicle for couples to work out their differences and in no way nullifies the marriage vows. In my opinion, only when there is intent to dissolve the marriage AND a suit for divorce has been legally filed are the vows waived.
I say he cheated on me and had an affair. He says not. Abby, what do you say? -- FORGIVING BUT UNABLE TO FORGET IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR FORGIVING: I, too, say he cheated on you when he had an affair. However, you were sufficiently committed to each other for the marriage to have withstood his infidelity.
Since this is still a bone of contention, you would be wise to seek professional counseling to discharge your lingering anger. It will undoubtedly strengthen your union.
DEAR ABBY: My wife has allowed our 16-month-old daughter, "Alicia," to sleep in our bed (off and on) for some time. My wife gets tired of waking up in the middle of the night to rock Alicia back to sleep, so she picks her up and brings her back to our bed.
I try to help out by going into Alicia's room and rocking her and eventually laying her back down in her crib. This usually works, but when my wife brings her into our room, she destroys the progress I was making in keeping the baby in her own bed.
I love our daughter very much, but I end up with little feet hitting my chin and I don't sleep well. My wife doesn't seem to mind, but I want our bed back. Alicia has a beautiful crib and I think in time she will learn to love it, but my wife says she can't stand to hear her cry.
Abby, what do pediatricians say? -- CROWDED BED
DEAR CROWDED BED: Pediatricians differ on this issue. While many believe otherwise, most American families keep their babies in separate beds. In some other cultures, it is normal for a baby to share the parents' bed until mid-childhood.
An infant will adjust to the style the parents choose. You and your wife must determine where you want Alicia to sleep, then be consistent in establishing a pattern. It may take several nights of crying, but Alicia can learn to sleep comfortably in her own bed, if that is what you choose to teach her.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SAILORS OVERSEAS ARE THANKFUL FOR HOLIDAY GOODIES AND CARDS
DEAR ABBY: I am an active-duty member of the U.S. Navy stationed aboard the USNS Laramie, a Navy refueling oiler that supports the fleet. I have recently spent my first holiday away from home -- in the Mediterranean Sea, to be exact.
My crew members and I applaud all of the individuals who worked so hard to make Operation Dear Abby a success this year. Abby, many of us have tried to respond to each person individually. Unfortunately, with the hundreds of cards, boxes of cookies and candies, and other items that were sent to "Any Service Member, Operation Dear Abby," I'm not sure every person will get a reply. So, on behalf of my fellow shipmates and other military members stationed away from home, I would like to say, "THANK YOU, AMERICA! We may not have been home for the holidays, but we know that our sacrifice has not been in vain. Your kindness is appreciated!"
I know that I speak for all members of the military when I say we wish everyone all the best during the coming year. -- DONNA A. EVANS, YEOMAN FIRST CLASS, U.S. NAVY
DEAR DONNA: It is with pleasure that I'm transmitting your message to the patriotic Americans who participated in Operation Dear Abby. Although our servicemen and women may be far away, they are in our hearts and never far from our thoughts.
DEAR ABBY: I must respond to the daughter-in-law who was upset about her father-in-law's new relationship. Having recently lost my wonderful husband, friend and companion of 29 years, I, too, found solace in the companionship of a widower friend who was in the same situation. This relationship has not replaced the love for my husband, but it has permitted me to experience life and joy again.
My husband and I discussed these matters, and this was his wish as well as mine. Those who have not experienced such grief and loss should be the last to condemn those who have. -- GRIEVING BUT LIVING IN PITTSBURGH
DEAR GRIEVING: Well put. Those who have not experienced a comparable loss should withhold judgment before condemning the wounded.
DEAR ABBY: I am making a speech to a local professional secretaries group next month. My topic is "beauty."
Is there a specific minimum number of jewelry pieces and accessories that a woman can wear? Also, are white shoes limited to weddings and debutante parties? If you can add some pointers on "beauty," it would be greatly appreciated. -- YOUNG SECRETARY, NORTH FORT MYERS, FLA.
DEAR YOUNG SECRETARY: White shoes are not limited to weddings and debutante parties, and there is no specific rule concerning minimum jewelry and accessories a professional woman should wear.
My rule of thumb is: When in doubt -- leave it off.
'Tis said, "Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder." The plainest woman can light up a room when she wears a smile.
P.S. Good hygiene and neatness are cardinal rules for well-dressed women -- and men.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)