Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Best Way to Catch a Man Is to Lure With Rod and Reel
DEAR READERS: I recently printed a letter from "Wilting Wallflower in Arizona," a woman who asked me to put out the word to men that the way to attract women is to dance with them.
To my delight, I received this clever rebuttal:
DEAR ABBY: All my life I have loved fishing, as do most other men I know. It is exciting, fun and great exercise. Couples fishing together are so romantic. When I see a woman who can fish with a man, I'm instantly fascinated by her -- and so are my friends.
Why, then, are women who can fish so hard to come by? Women are supposed to be charming, romantic and good companions. Fishing is all of that. Yet most women are "dancers" who say, "I don't fish."
I thought women liked attracting men. I know some people say women are dense. But this fact cannot escape anyone's attention: A woman can attract men by going fishing.
Will you please put out the word for us and tell women how sexy and attractive they are when they're fishing? -- WAITING WITH BAITED HOOK IN NEVADA
DEAR WAITING: I receive letters every day from women who complain about how hard it is to meet men. Women, now you have heard it from the source! Get off the dance floor and onto the lake, river or ocean. You won't even have to take lessons. My experts tell me that fishermen love to tie knots. With the right bait, there's no telling what you might reel in! Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: I am sending you a poem I wrote in 1962 when our twins were born. I thought that since you are a twin, you would appreciate it. -- AL WILLIS, ARLINGTON, TEXAS
DEAR AL: You thought right. I'm printing your poem to be enjoyed by those readers who were also blessed with "double trouble." (Please forgive me, but I can't help but brag that my wonderful son, Edward Jay, and his lovely wife, Leslye, blessed our family with "double trouble" in 1994, a boy and a girl -- the twins are named J.J. and Hutton.)
TWINS ARE DOUBLE TROUBLE
by Al Willis
Twins are double trouble.
They cry, they smash, they tear.
They break and spill and bite and scratch
And pull each other's hair.
They practice art upon the walls
And yank electric plugs.
And cookies, milk and something else
Get ground into the rugs.
They drive their mother crazy,
Their father is berserk,
He's glad when Monday comes around,
So he can go to work.
The diaper pails are filled again;
The laundry tub's piled high.
The doctor bills (and others, too)
Are mounting to the sky.
So if you have a single child
As placid as a dove,
Contain your envy, if you can;
We have a double love.
VICTIMS OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE HAVE THE LAW ON THEIR SIDE
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a woman who signed herself "Living a Nightmare," who had been a victim of domestic violence dating back to her honeymoon. You provided her with some solid advice; however, some information was missing from your reply that would benefit all women involved in violent relationships.
Victims of domestic violence need to be made aware that their abusive spouses are breaking the law. Domestic violence is a crime, and it should be reported to the proper authorities. "Living a Nightmare's" husband has already broken her nose, her wrist, her shoulder, and caused a miscarriage by kicking her when she was four months pregnant. In her case, calling the police is long overdue.
In addition to ordering the booklet you recommended, women should know that help is a phone call away. Confidential assistance is available 24 hours a day through domestic violence hotlines throughout the country. I suggest getting started by calling 1-800-799-SAFE, a nationwide toll-free hotline that can provide immediate help and connect women with the resources nearest them.
Those in violent relationships also need to understand that an entire generation of children are at risk, because domestic violence is a learned behavior that's passed along to the next generation. Research shows that in homes where a father is physically abusing his spouse, the children are more likely to grow up to participate in violent relationships themselves. This should be of great interest to "Living a Nightmare," as she already recognizes that the home lives of her children are "terrible." If she understands that her children are likely to repeat the pattern themselves, I'm sure she'll want to call for help at once.
Abby, please print this to make "Living a Nightmare," and everyone in a similar situation, aware of these facts. Last year I was fortunate enough to become involved in a public awareness campaign to generate awareness of, and put an end to, domestic violence. If it helps just one woman, we will have accomplished a great deal. -- SCOTT A. LYNCH, HALES CORNERS, WIS.
DEAR SCOTT: I hope it does, because I have been told that the problem has reached epidemic proportions in this country. Domestic violence cuts across all social, economic, educational, religious, ethnic and cultural lines, and there are no stereotypical perpetrators or victims. I have received letters concerning women who physically abuse their boyfriends and husbands, and domestic violence also occurs in same-sex unions.
When people hear about a physically abusive relationship, the first question they usually ask is, "Why doesn't she leave?" Only when people start asking, "Why is he using violence?" will we be able to end the problem.
DEAR ABBY: Our friends moved in down the street from us and have proceeded to copy every original design idea we have used in our yard and house. Not only have they copied our surroundings, they have joined every club and organization we belong to, and we bump into them everywhere we go.
If we say we did something or went somewhere, the next thing we hear is, "We should do that." And they do. My husband thinks we should move, but I love our house and don't want to be uprooted. I don't want to lose their friendship, but I would like to keep our house distinctive. Any ideas? -- CONFUSED NEIGHBOR
DEAR NEIGHBOR: People imitate those whom they admire. They also do it if they are insecure about their own taste and judgment. Be candid and tell them that although you feel flattered, being copied detail for detail makes you very uncomfortable. Then offer to help them make unique selections of their own.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Walker's Anti Litter Crusade Proceeds One Step at a Time
DEAR ABBY: Where I work, I see a lot of people from other states and countries, and I hear the following comment a lot: "For such a beautiful place, I'm surprised to see so much trash along the side of the roads."
Abby, I live in a nice little town in North Carolina and walk two miles in my neighborhood every day. After hearing that comment, I began carrying a trash bag with me to pick up the refuse people throw onto the side of the road. To my surprise, I find I'm picking up two large bags of trash a week -- and I live in a nice neighborhood. What kind of people do this?
My neighbor asked me why I pick up the trash as I walk. I told him that trash made our neighborhood ugly, and if someone didn't do it we'd be knee-high in trash. He was very surprised. Maybe people don't realize what they're doing when they toss their soda cans, candy wrappers, cigarettes and beer bottles out of their cars. I was taught as a child that this was the wrong thing to do. It looks like a lot of people weren't.
Please, parents and teachers: Teach your children that this is wrong, and maybe it will be the start of a cleaner America. I would also like to encourage other walkers to carry a bag and pick up trash as they walk. Also, bending is great for reducing the waistline. -- VICKY HURLEY, HICKORY, N.C.
DEAR VICKY: I'm pleased to promote your anti-litter crusade. Every state has littering laws. People should keep trash bags in their cars in which to dispose of trash, and teach their children that littering is wrong. Unfortunately, many individuals think they are the exception to the rule. There should be no exceptions!
DEAR ABBY: Recently I parked in the handicapped space at a restaurant and went in for lunch. Although I look healthy, I am a senior and have a much-needed handicapped placard on my car.
While I was enjoying my lunch, a customer who was leaving stopped at my table to tell me that the hostess and food servers were commenting that I didn't need the placard or special parking space.
As I paid my check, I asked the hostess, "Do you have arthritis?" "No," she replied. I asked if she had heart trouble. Again I received a negative reply. "Have you had two major abdominal surgeries," I continued, "and four operations?" She replied that she hadn't. Then I said, "Well, I have. And I do not appreciate you and the servers deciding by looking at me that I'm fraudulently parking in a handicapped space. Please don't judge that about which you have no knowledge."
Abby, there are times when I can barely walk or breathe, and when I'm in extreme pain. However, I have my pride, and I try my best not to appear anything other than healthy, but I do need some concessions because of my poor health.
In her last year, my 76-year-old mother dressed immaculately and wore makeup to look healthy, even though she was dying of cancer.
How dare people judge those they don't know, and decide they don't need the handicapped parking space? Some disabilities are not obvious, so people should give us the benefit of the doubt. Please print my letter so that the public will get the drift and be more compassionate. -- WALKING TALL IN THE MIDWEST
DEAR WALKING TALL: I have received many letters from people who are outraged at the obviously able-bodied people who park in parking spaces reserved for the handicapped.
Once again, I caution readers, "Don't judge a man until you've walked a mile in his moccasins."
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)