Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
FRIEND'S EYES ARE OPENED BY BLIND WOMAN'S STRUGGLE
DEAR ABBY: The letter about the man with Parkinson's disease and the waiter asking his wife, "And what will he have?" struck a nerve with me.
I have a dear friend who happens to be blind. We had the same experience while shopping for a stove. The clerk asked me, "What kind of stove does she want?" I said, "Why don't you ask her? She will be using the stove."
This lady was married 27 years, and raised four children. Both she and her husband are blind. They are a remarkable couple, to say the least.
She, too, has kept her sense of humor. She says, "I'm blind, but not hard of hearing or stupid!"
We rate restaurants by how many menus they give us. She always has her white cane with her, of course. We make a point of asking for a Braille menu; some restaurants even have them! Then she reads it to me and I check it against my menu to see if it is the same.
Abby, it is amazing how insensitive the general public can be. Having her as a friend has made me much more aware of people's disabilities. -- MARGARET WILDE, KENNEWICK, WASH.
DEAR MARGARET: Being a sidekick to someone with a disability is almost as instructive as walking a mile in her moccasins. I'm sure that others who have seen beyond the disability and found a great friend would confirm your findings. Thanks for writing. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My heart went out to the woman whose husband has Parkinson's disease.
Yes, it is amazing how stupid some people act with handicapped people, but on the other hand, there are many understanding people out there. As a caregiver for more than 18 years, I've seen both.
Whenever we go to a new restaurant, I call ahead and explain that I will be coming in with a person who has disabilities and request that they speak to him or her, not me. People are very kind and cooperative once they understand. I have even called McDonald's, and they were wonderful.
Many times I've been thanked for taking the time to call and explain, and everything went well. I hope this suggestion will help the person who wrote to you. -- POLLY THAMARUS, COALDALE, PA.
DEAR POLLY: I'm certain it will help not only the woman who wrote to me, but many others as well. Bless you for your concern.
DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine borrowed nearly $1,000 from me almost 20 years ago. She has not mentioned it nor offered to pay me. At that time, she would have been 70-something and I was in my 40s, and still working.
I am retired now for medical reasons and could sure use the money. She is 95 and I am 62. She has the money and she's sharp as a tack. I'm sure she must have forgotten the loan. Should I mention it to her? -- RETIRED AND BROKE, KANSAS CITY, MO.
DEAR RETIRED AND BROKE: By all means remind her of the loan. You have nothing to lose and nearly $1,000 to gain.
PHONE CALL FROM A FRIEND FREES HOUSEBOUND PATIENT
DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that if and when an accident or disease transforms an active, involved person into a housebound, sedentary victim of ill fate, that person desperately needs the warmth and caring of friends and neighbors. Even the smallest kind deed can turn moments of sorrow into meaningful moments of joy.
On behalf of the many tens of thousands of individuals in our country who are involuntarily housebound, I would like to plead with those friends and neighbors: COMMUNICATE! By phone, through a brief note, a drop-in visit -- if only for a few minutes.
My beloved wife has been housebound for a little over two years. Because of her illness, she requires oxygen 24 hours a day. For her, a walk to the back yard is an adventure. When she's able to take one, we always take along the portable phone -- in case someone calls. It would be a small tragedy to miss a call.
When that phone rings, and a familiar voice says, "Hi!" her conscious struggle for breath seems to almost miraculously disappear.
I hope I have made my point. Be a friend to a friend or relative in need. Abby, please do not use my name or location, but do share this message with your readers. -- CONCERNED HUSBAND
DEAR CONCERNED HUSBAND: Your message is well worth passing along.
When someone is stricken with a serious illness, it's common for friends and family to experience feelings of guilt or to feel at a loss for words. Unable to cope with the discomfort, they react by distancing themselves at a time when their support is needed most.
In situations like this, act with the same generosity and compassion you would wish from others were the situation reversed. Rather than dwell on the illness, keep uppermost in mind that the sufferer is still your friend -- with the same interests, sense of humor and values. Focusing on that should make communication easier.
The attention is almost always welcome. Coping with chronic illness is difficult enough without having to endure isolation, too. Reach out -- you'll be glad you did.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is to "Beth's grandparents" (the ones who stopped coming to her sports games because she wasn't a star player).
I began playing soccer and basketball when I was 8. I hardly knew the rules and was very clumsy. Even though I wasn't great, I loved to play. It was a real treat for me to see my grandparents at the games. I always wanted to do my very best when they were there, but even if I had blown the winning point, I always could walk away knowing that they loved me. To them, it didn't matter if we lost. They were proud to come and watch, and I was proud to play for them.
Now I am about to start my second season of varsity soccer and have just finished a summer season of varsity basketball (I am going to be a sophomore). If I had given up because I wasn't "good" back as an 8-year-old, my love for the game would be gone and I would not have the joy of playing. No one is at their full potential at that age.
Please tell those grandparents to lighten up and encourage their grandchild to do her best without the pressure to win. They should be proud that she's out there working hard in sports that have not always been available to us girls. Good luck, Beth. Never give up your dreams. -- BLESSED WITH GRANDPARENTS WHO ARE A TREASURE, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR BLESSED: Your message comes through loud and clear. I wish you continued success.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SAVVY MECHANIC WINS LOYALTY FROM HIS FEMALE CUSTOMERS
DEAR ABBY: I have been a widow for 10 years. I've always kept my car in good repair. While I wait for my car to be serviced, I usually sit in the shop's waiting room. Magazines are provided for waiting customers, but all the magazines are about fishing, hunting, mechanics, racing, etc. In other words, the magazines are meant for male customers. Women who bring in their cars are totally ignored.
I have news for these auto shops: I have spent several hundred dollars with them, and I am only one of thousands of women who take responsibility for auto maintenance.
Recently, however, I had a pleasant surprise when I took my car in for service. The new manager greeted me politely and invited me to have a cup of coffee. When I sat down with my coffee, I was surprised again -- displayed on the table were a number of magazines women love to read.
Abby, that manager recognizes that women matter, and you can bet I'll patronize his shop again because they obviously appreciate the business of women. -- PLEASANTLY SURPRISED IN KNOXVILLE
DEAR PLEASANTLY SURPRISED: The new manager is obviously a smart businessman. Women of the world, clip this letter and present it to your mechanic. If he (or she) is as enterprising and service-oriented as the manager of the business where the reader took her car, you'll soon be taken seriously in auto shops.
DEAR ABBY: I am currently seeing a counselor for depression and anxiety. On top of that, I am in constant pain from arthritis and a condition called fibromyalgia.
My counselor and physician advised that walking would improve both my depression and muscle tone. However, until I made a call to the local humane society, I had no motivation to make myself do it. Now I volunteer to walk dogs almost every day. The results have been great -- both for me and the dogs. I get my exercise and several dogs get the individual attention, petting and loving they need, as well as a chance to get out of the kennels. My depression is lifting, too.
Abby, there must be other animal lovers who cannot have a pet in their homes for one reason or another. Walking dogs is a great way to have contact with animals we love.
Words cannot describe the intense satisfaction I feel when these animals say "thank you" with their eyes and wagging tails. All it takes is a stop by the local humane society to volunteer. Sign me ... INCURABLE ANIMAL LOVER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR INCURABLE: Orchids to you. It has long been known that people who interact with pets are much happier and healthier. I can't think of a better way for people to help themselves -- and needy animals.
Readers, this two-way street is a route to better health and happiness for yourselves -- and a welcome respite for furry creatures who are incarcerated through no fault of their own.
DEAR ABBY: I quit smoking 11 years ago, and put my cigarette money into a savings bond for my 1-year-old grandson. A year later when another baby was added to our family, I put a similar amount into a savings bond for him. I repeated this for No. 3.
As of July this year, there is a total of $10,000 in the savings pot for my grandchildren, and the added bonus of a healthier body for me.
It's wonderful what cigarette money can do rather than go up in smoke. -- MARILYN J. OSTRONIC, COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA
DEAR MARILYN: What a terrific idea. It's a pleasure to know that something so positive can come from cigarette money.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)