To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PHONE CALL FROM A FRIEND FREES HOUSEBOUND PATIENT
DEAR ABBY: Please remind your readers that if and when an accident or disease transforms an active, involved person into a housebound, sedentary victim of ill fate, that person desperately needs the warmth and caring of friends and neighbors. Even the smallest kind deed can turn moments of sorrow into meaningful moments of joy.
On behalf of the many tens of thousands of individuals in our country who are involuntarily housebound, I would like to plead with those friends and neighbors: COMMUNICATE! By phone, through a brief note, a drop-in visit -- if only for a few minutes.
My beloved wife has been housebound for a little over two years. Because of her illness, she requires oxygen 24 hours a day. For her, a walk to the back yard is an adventure. When she's able to take one, we always take along the portable phone -- in case someone calls. It would be a small tragedy to miss a call.
When that phone rings, and a familiar voice says, "Hi!" her conscious struggle for breath seems to almost miraculously disappear.
I hope I have made my point. Be a friend to a friend or relative in need. Abby, please do not use my name or location, but do share this message with your readers. -- CONCERNED HUSBAND
DEAR CONCERNED HUSBAND: Your message is well worth passing along.
When someone is stricken with a serious illness, it's common for friends and family to experience feelings of guilt or to feel at a loss for words. Unable to cope with the discomfort, they react by distancing themselves at a time when their support is needed most.
In situations like this, act with the same generosity and compassion you would wish from others were the situation reversed. Rather than dwell on the illness, keep uppermost in mind that the sufferer is still your friend -- with the same interests, sense of humor and values. Focusing on that should make communication easier.
The attention is almost always welcome. Coping with chronic illness is difficult enough without having to endure isolation, too. Reach out -- you'll be glad you did.
DEAR ABBY: This letter is to "Beth's grandparents" (the ones who stopped coming to her sports games because she wasn't a star player).
I began playing soccer and basketball when I was 8. I hardly knew the rules and was very clumsy. Even though I wasn't great, I loved to play. It was a real treat for me to see my grandparents at the games. I always wanted to do my very best when they were there, but even if I had blown the winning point, I always could walk away knowing that they loved me. To them, it didn't matter if we lost. They were proud to come and watch, and I was proud to play for them.
Now I am about to start my second season of varsity soccer and have just finished a summer season of varsity basketball (I am going to be a sophomore). If I had given up because I wasn't "good" back as an 8-year-old, my love for the game would be gone and I would not have the joy of playing. No one is at their full potential at that age.
Please tell those grandparents to lighten up and encourage their grandchild to do her best without the pressure to win. They should be proud that she's out there working hard in sports that have not always been available to us girls. Good luck, Beth. Never give up your dreams. -- BLESSED WITH GRANDPARENTS WHO ARE A TREASURE, PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR BLESSED: Your message comes through loud and clear. I wish you continued success.
SAVVY MECHANIC WINS LOYALTY FROM HIS FEMALE CUSTOMERS
DEAR ABBY: I have been a widow for 10 years. I've always kept my car in good repair. While I wait for my car to be serviced, I usually sit in the shop's waiting room. Magazines are provided for waiting customers, but all the magazines are about fishing, hunting, mechanics, racing, etc. In other words, the magazines are meant for male customers. Women who bring in their cars are totally ignored.
I have news for these auto shops: I have spent several hundred dollars with them, and I am only one of thousands of women who take responsibility for auto maintenance.
Recently, however, I had a pleasant surprise when I took my car in for service. The new manager greeted me politely and invited me to have a cup of coffee. When I sat down with my coffee, I was surprised again -- displayed on the table were a number of magazines women love to read.
Abby, that manager recognizes that women matter, and you can bet I'll patronize his shop again because they obviously appreciate the business of women. -- PLEASANTLY SURPRISED IN KNOXVILLE
DEAR PLEASANTLY SURPRISED: The new manager is obviously a smart businessman. Women of the world, clip this letter and present it to your mechanic. If he (or she) is as enterprising and service-oriented as the manager of the business where the reader took her car, you'll soon be taken seriously in auto shops.
DEAR ABBY: I am currently seeing a counselor for depression and anxiety. On top of that, I am in constant pain from arthritis and a condition called fibromyalgia.
My counselor and physician advised that walking would improve both my depression and muscle tone. However, until I made a call to the local humane society, I had no motivation to make myself do it. Now I volunteer to walk dogs almost every day. The results have been great -- both for me and the dogs. I get my exercise and several dogs get the individual attention, petting and loving they need, as well as a chance to get out of the kennels. My depression is lifting, too.
Abby, there must be other animal lovers who cannot have a pet in their homes for one reason or another. Walking dogs is a great way to have contact with animals we love.
Words cannot describe the intense satisfaction I feel when these animals say "thank you" with their eyes and wagging tails. All it takes is a stop by the local humane society to volunteer. Sign me ... INCURABLE ANIMAL LOVER IN PENNSYLVANIA
DEAR INCURABLE: Orchids to you. It has long been known that people who interact with pets are much happier and healthier. I can't think of a better way for people to help themselves -- and needy animals.
Readers, this two-way street is a route to better health and happiness for yourselves -- and a welcome respite for furry creatures who are incarcerated through no fault of their own.
DEAR ABBY: I quit smoking 11 years ago, and put my cigarette money into a savings bond for my 1-year-old grandson. A year later when another baby was added to our family, I put a similar amount into a savings bond for him. I repeated this for No. 3.
As of July this year, there is a total of $10,000 in the savings pot for my grandchildren, and the added bonus of a healthier body for me.
It's wonderful what cigarette money can do rather than go up in smoke. -- MARILYN J. OSTRONIC, COUNCIL BLUFFS, IOWA
DEAR MARILYN: What a terrific idea. It's a pleasure to know that something so positive can come from cigarette money.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Program Smooths Physical Scars of Domestic Violence
DEAR ABBY: Recent letters from "Sick and Tired," and "In the Trenches in Philadelphia" have spotlighted the very serious problem of domestic violence. One aspect of this problem often overlooked, however, is that while many of these victimized individuals have fled their abusive spouses and sought treatment and counseling, they are still left with the physical scars. The emotional healing may have begun, but the smashed cheekbone, the twisted nose or the cigarette burn on the face serves as a constant reminder of a painful past. Unfortunately, the majority of victims scarred by acts of domestic violence are not financially able to correct the damage caused by their abuser's rage.
We would like your readers to know that there is help available. The American Academy of Facial Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery (AAFPRS) sponsors a program called Face to Face: The National Domestic Violence Project, which matches victims of domestic violence with facial plastic surgeons for consultation and reconstructive surgery at no charge.
AAFPRS and the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence (NCADV) are proud to offer this service to an often overlooked segment of society. With just a phone call, these individuals can begin to gain the confidence to look in the mirror and smile again. Thank you, Abby, for helping us to spread the word, so that we can help them. -- PETER A. ADAMSON, M.D., PRESIDENT, AAFPRS, AND RITA SMITH, NATIONAL COORDINATOR, NCADV
DEAR DR. ADAMSON AND MS. SMITH: I'm delighted to inform my readers about this effort. What a generous gift!
My congratulations to you and your organizations for conceiving such a compassionate and life-changing program. I wish you much success.
Readers, the Face to Face program can be accessed by calling 1-800-842-4546, the toll-free number operated by the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence.
DEAR ABBY: I have been engaged since late last year. My fiance and I are planning our wedding for next summer. We decided to have a long engagement because we want to save and pay for the wedding ourselves.
The problem: My sister wants to have a family portrait taken with her husband and children, my mother and me. Our father is deceased. I politely asked if my fiance could be included in the picture, but my sister argues that he is not part of the family until he says "I do."
Our mother loves my fiance and considers him a son because of all the help he offers around the house, but she refuses to get in the middle of our discussion. My fiance and I do not live together; we are going to remain with our parents until we get married. I know that legally he is not part of the family, but emotionally he is. What do you think? -- PICTURE PERFECT
DEAR PICTURE PERFECT: Your sister has a point. A family portrait should include family members only. Although your fiance is accepted by your mother, many things can happen between now and the wedding date. Your sister may not want to risk being stuck with a "photographic memory" all of you would rather forget.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)