Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Cancer Survivor Urges Women to Perform Monthly Self Exam
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter in your column from Sens. Barbara Mikulski and K.B. Hutchison. As a 40-year-old woman whose 2.7-centimeter tumor was not detected by a mammogram, I wholeheartedly agree with the Mammography Quality Standards Act. However, when I read about mammography being our most powerful weapon in the war against breast cancer, I get angry.
The senators incorrectly stated that early detection is the key to prevention -- and I worry that some women may rely too heavily on this weapon. Mammography does NOT prevent breast cancer, and only increases a woman's survival rate if the cancer is detected early. I support legislation that ensures quality standards for the only tool we have available, but hope in the future more emphasis will be placed on prevention, and finding a diagnostic tool that really does detect breast cancer early in younger women.
While the various agencies decide who should and should not get mammograms and at what age, I urge all women to do a BSE (breast self-exam) each month. Get to know your breasts, and if you feel something unusual, have it biopsied -- do not depend on mammograms alone. -- A SURVIVOR IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SURVIVOR: Excellent advice that I hope all women will take to heart. Survival is literally in our own hands.
DEAR ABBY: I've had it with early birds who imply there's something wrong with people who don't bound out of bed at the crack of dawn.
I am a night owl and my body clock refuses to allow me to go to bed early. If I try, I lie awake for hours. I naturally fall asleep between 4 and 5 a.m. I was once fired from a job on suspicion of alcoholism because every morning I staggered in late and bleary-eyed. Since my brain didn't start to function until noon, they were sure I had a hangover.
I worked as many hours as everyone else at another job, but I was denied a promotion because, "although your work is excellent, you don't have the drive to get to the office by 7 a.m." Maybe not. But my boss didn't have "the drive" to stay at work until 10 p.m., as I frequently did. If you aren't an early bird just like everyone else, you'll never make big money. If you aren't at the office early, you're "not motivated."
I am motivated to work hard, but I work better after noon. I'd be a lot more productive if I were allowed to work with my natural body rhythms rather than against them.
I'm sure I'm not the only night owl who fights a daily battle against the early birds who run the business world. At this point, I'm looking forward to retirement when I can sleep without being ridiculed because I go to sleep late and wake up naturally in mid-morning. I can't wait to get on my own schedule and enjoy life instead of blundering through in a sleepy stupor. -- SLEEPLESS, BUT NOT IN SEATTLE
DEAR SLEEPLESS: According to Dr. Quentin Regestein, director of psychiatry at the Sleep Clinic at Brigham and Women's Hospital in Boston, your atypical sleep pattern is "delayed sleep phase syndrome." Contrary to what some people might think, it is not insomnia. The timing of your sleep is the problem, and it's possible that your condition can be relieved, even without drugs.
The business world has become slightly more flexible regarding work hours, but companies cannot accommodate each employee individually. Some workers with atypical sleep patterns find jobs that allow them to work at home or at night. Since you are experiencing difficulty in the work place because you are out of sync with everyone else, you would be wise to seek treatment. Look in the yellow pages or call a local hospital to find a sleep disorder clinic in your area.
HOME-SCHOOLING GETS GOOD GRADE FROM PRESENT STUDENTS
DEAR ABBY: I'm 11 and in sixth grade. I'd rather be home-schooled than stuck in a classroom with a bunch of misbehaving kids. When I mention the fact that I'm home-schooled to kids who go to a public school, they tell me how lucky I am.
I read on an adult level and enjoy it very much. Cooking is another thing I enjoy. I have a collection of cookbooks. Recently I became interested in writing stories and poems. I entered one of my poems in a contest for adults and got an honorable mention.
Home-schooling may not be perfect, but as far as I'm concerned, it's more perfect than anything else. These are my own words, Abby. Nothing I have written was even suggested by my parents. -- RAQUEL MUTTON, BLOOMSBURG, PA.
DEAR RAQUEL: Thank you for sharing your opinion. It echoes the vast majority of enthusiastic letters I received from hundreds of home-schoolers and former home-schoolers nationwide. I was impressed with their level of literacy, and regret that space does not permit me to print more. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school junior who has been home-schooled since first grade. I have many friends that I met in the neighborhood, at church and on sports teams.
The success of home-schooling isn't in the location, it's the spirit of the instructor. If my parents were abusive and kept me isolated, I would probably hate home-schooling, too.
Being home-schooled has taught me it's OK to look to my parents and authorities for guidance instead of my peers, who are often just as ignorant as I am. Home-schooling, though, is not a magic pill. I know home-schoolers who are one step from reform school (sometimes they've been expelled from school), and I know plenty of conventional school students who are responsible, intelligent and well-behaved. I'm proud of being home-schooled.
Please don't judge me on what you've heard about home-schooling. Judge me for myself. Thank you, Abby, for the chance to express my opinion. It's something I've wanted to do for a long time. -- REGINA BURGESS, FORT BRAGG, N.C.
DEAR ABBY: I'm in ninth grade. My 3 1/2 years as a home-schooled student have been great. We start at 9:30 a.m. and finish around noon. The decreased time is due to the lack of distraction. At public school, if I finished early, I would have to wait for the rest of the class. Now, whenever I finish, I can just move on.
I'm definitely not isolated. We take more field trips because of the flexible schedule. There are also home-school organizations where I've made friends. Home-schooling has been great for me, but it's not for everybody. I know of families that do isolate their children, and others that don't even "do" school.
I hope my opinion on home-schooling is what the majority of home-schoolers think. -- SCOTT CLEMENT, MESQUITE, TEXAS
DEAR SCOTT: It definitely is!
DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and entering my second year of college at the University of California-San Diego. I attended private schools through fifth grade, and was home-schooled through middle school. Those years stand out in my mind as the most productive, educational and enlightening of my scholastic career. Later, because I felt I was "missing out," I chose to attend a public high school. I was appalled at the attitude of my peers and the faculty. I was treated as an inferior because I had not received a public school education, and it was assumed that I was probably socially inept from being home-schooled.
It has been my experience that in public school settings, students are exposed to verbal abuse, drugs and violence. Home-schooled children can easily learn to relate to peers through extracurricular activities such as sports, music and clubs like Girl Scouts.
I wish I had been home-schooled throughout high school as well. I would have received a better education. I realize that home-schooling is not an option for everyone, but I firmly believe that I am a well-adjusted, better person today because of it. -- KELLY IN ESCONDIDO, CALIF.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Don't Learn the Hard Way That Seat Belts Save Lives
DEAR ABBY: A few weeks ago, you printed a letter from a reader who was disturbed when she saw young children who were obviously not secured in safety seats in automobiles. Her concern is valid. Parents who do not buckle in their children properly and do not fasten their own seat belts risk their lives and the lives of their children.
Two years ago, I was driving from my home to a friend's wedding. Twenty miles from my destination, I glanced at my radio to change stations. When I looked back at the road, I saw I was heading off the highway. I panicked, overcorrected my steering and ended up rolling on the median.
I cannot express what was going through my mind when the accident occurred. I know I screamed as the car skidded and suddenly felt blood trickling down my face. My passenger had to break the windshield to escape. Luckily for me, a good Samaritan stopped and pulled me out of my car. We were taken to a hospital.
My parents were terrified when they received the call informing them of the accident. They later told me that the two-hour drive to the hospital was the longest two hours of their lives.
My passenger and I were fortunate to escape with only cuts and bruises. As we left the hospital, a Texas state trooper who had been dispatched to the scene of the accident, said, "The seat belts saved your lives."
A few weeks ago, one of my neighbors was killed in a car accident similar to mine. His family said he always used his seat belt, but for some reason, he chose not to use it that night. He would have been 19 on his next birthday. -- ROBYN A. SANDERS, ARLINGTON, TEXAS
DEAR ROBYN: It cannot be repeated too often -- seat belts save lives. A day or so after your letter arrived, a mother sent me this tragic letter about two of her five children:
DEAR ABBY: On June 14, I received the phone call that every parent dreads. Three of my five children were returning from a ski race camp in Montana when the driver fell asleep. My two eldest children, both boys (Christopher, 17, and Travis, 15), were fatally injured. Travis died immediately; Chris died three days later.
The teens and the father of one of the boys had been caravaning home from camp when the 16-year-old who was driving our van fell asleep. The van slid for about 300 feet on the grassy shoulder of the road. The tires blew out, and when the rims hit the pavement, the van rolled end over end. Chris was ejected through the sliding door; Travis was thrown out the back hatch and the van rolled over on him.
The driver of our van, one other teen and our 14-year-old daughter Monica survived the accident. We are grateful that Monica suffered only a few scratches as did the other survivors; however, she still suffers from the emotional trauma of seeing her brothers die -- she was especially close to Travis.
No drugs, alcohol or horseplay were involved in the accident. The driver was just tired. We harbor no hard feelings toward him -- we know it was an accident.
Abby, we will never be able to thank all the people who helped these kids -- the doctor who arrived at the scene and helped the survivors; the emergency personnel; and the motorists who went hours out of their way to bring some of the kids and the ski gear home.
I can't describe the pain that we as a family experience every day now. Our talented, handsome sons are gone -- because they didn't buckle up. They were diligent about wearing their seat belts, but that night, for some reason, they didn't. I'll always wonder why.
Abby, if sharing our tragedy prompts even one person to buckle up, writing this letter to you will not have been in vain. -- TERRI W. HARTLAUER, SALT LAKE CITY
DEAR TERRI: Please accept my deepest sympathy on the loss of your sons, Chris and Travis. My heart goes out to you and your family. Losing a child is devastating, but to lose two under such tragic circumstances is almost more than a family can bear.
Readers, this could happen to anyone. Please be sure that your young children are fastened in their safety seats every time, and insist that your older children wear seat belts. Set a good example for them by wearing one yourself.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)