For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Servers Should Mention Age Only When Discussing Beef
DEAR ABBY: From time to time you ask your readers to air their gripes. I have a few suggestions for restaurant personnel.
Please don't ask if we are senior citizens. Some of us may be -- but we don't want to announce it. Senior citizens who want to take advantage of the discounts will ask for them.
And please do not ask if the young person with them is their grandchild. Especially with people having children later these days, it is very often one's child.
Personally I don't like being called "young lady" when I'm obviously not young. Same goes for "young man." It's just as insulting as "old man" or "old lady," as it calls attention to age.
One last suggestion: When you pick up the customer's cash to pay for the meal, don't ask if he or she wants change. Of course they do: If they want you to keep the change, they will tell you. -- ELLIE IN MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR ELLIE: You have made some valuable suggestions. We all know a few people who could benefit from them.
DEAR ABBY: Since this seems to be a time when smokers are finding it increasingly difficult to find a place where they are allowed to smoke, it may be a good time for them to quit.
My husband made that big decision. However, he feels that if you give something up, you should have some reward to show for it. Without saying a word to anyone, he began putting the cost of each day's cigarettes into a bucket.
One lazy weekend, he surprised us by bringing his bucket of money to us to count. Believe it or not, we had enough for a well-funded family vacation. -- NAN IN WYANDOTTE, MICH.
DEAR NAN: I believe it. If all who smoke would count the cost of their habit for a year, they might find that they too could afford a vacation, or something equally rewarding. This, of course, would be in addition to better health.
Readers, take the challenge and see what your cigarettes are costing you each year. Do you really want that much money to go up in smoke?
DEAR ABBY: I recently submitted a letter to USA Weekend in response to a poll on home-schooling. The editor printed only the last sentence of my letter. It read, "No person learns social skills by staying at home."
Abby, home-schooling was not a good experience for me. I had an isolated, abusive and lonely childhood. A local woman, on reading the sentence the editor published, went into a tizzy. "Home-schooled children are not isolated," she declared to our local newspaper. She insisted that her children were not isolated, and to hear her tell it, they were little wonders due to being educated at home.
Had the editor published my entire letter, she would have realized that I was speaking only about myself. However, she gave me food for thought. It dawned on me that when we hear praise for home-schooling, it always comes from the parents.
Abby, how about giving the children a chance to express their feelings about home-schooling? -- OPAL IN OREGON
DEAR OPAL: You asked for it, you got it. Students of home-schooling, may I hear from you?
BLOOD DONORS ARE ALSO URGED TO JOIN BONE MARROW REGISTRY
DEAR ABBY: Our community is currently rallying support for a 10-year-old who has cancer. We have orchestrated many blood drives in her honor. However, at the City of Hope hospital in Duarte, Calif., and the Red Cross blood donating centers, we've encountered the same situation: Not one person who has donated blood was ever asked if he or she would like to be put on the bone marrow registry. I had to ask the person drawing my blood several times to be placed on this list. It seemed to be a problem for them.
I want your readers to know that if you donate blood, there are no additional needles to get your bone marrow registered. To get on the registry, you must allow them to draw a little more blood -- without any additional needles.
Also, while donating blood, it's important to sign up for the blood platelets donation. People with cancer need platelets desperately.
I think it's inexcusable that people who draw blood from other people don't explain how easy it is to get on the bone marrow registry. It's also inexcusable to me that they don't explain the need for platelets.
There's no better charity than donating blood to hospitals that treat children for cancer. You can even receive a $5 gift certificate, which you can then give to any child currently under the care of the hospital. This allows the child to go to the gift shop and purchase a magazine or cartoon coloring book.
Thank you very much, Abby, for your attention to this matter. Please help spread the word about donating blood and the bone marrow registry. -- JIM MULLIGAN, GLENDALE, CALIF.
DEAR MR. MULLIGAN: Thank YOU, for an important letter. After reading it, I made inquiries about it with both the Red Cross and City of Hope. A media representative from the Red Cross informed me that "donors wishing to be placed on the bone marrow registry must have their blood tested for Human Leukocyte Antigen (HLA) type, and sign a consent form allowing his or her name to be placed on the bone marrow registry. This HLA-type testing is NOT performed on WHOLE blood donors, which may have been the reason he (Mr. Mulligan) was not made aware of the bone marrow registry at the time. It is performed, however, on apheresis donors.
"Apheresis, available at most Red Cross blood donor centers, is a special kind of blood donation enabling the collection of platelets. Blood donors who want to learn more about apheresis donation should call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE to find their nearest Red Cross Blood Center. Once their blood is HLA-typed, and their consent is given, they will be registered as potential bone marrow donors."
Charles M. Balch, M.D., the president and chief executive officer of the City of Hope, had this to say: "The policy of City of Hope Donor Center is to ask each blood donor if he or she would also like to register with the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP). This is done when the donor first arrives, and then again during the medical screening. In addition, the donor registration area contains signage with information on registering with the NMDP.
"However, despite efforts to inform blood donors of the NMDP, oversights can happen. If the individual who contacted you was not asked if he wished to join the NMDP registry, it was an oversight on our part. We are currently in the process of taking steps to ensure that our policy is followed without exception. In addition, we're planning to redesign the donor center canteen/waiting area to create a more effective visual presentation of all our donor programs. As a pioneer of one of the world's largest bone marrow transplantation centers, we support the efforts, and understand the importance of the NMDP."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WOMAN WONDERS IF AGE GAP CAN BE BRIDGED WITH LOVE
DEAR ABBY: Five months ago I met a man who changed my life. He is a college student, has his own business and a part-time job. He's very mature and has a good head on his shoulders. His goals in life are realistic, and he knows that it takes work to achieve them.
Two months ago our relationship progressed to another level, and we have been together every night since. Each day is better than the day before. Neither of us uses the word "love" to describe our relationship, nor do we say it to each other.
Abby, we have so much in common, but we can't overlook the fact that I am 32 and he is 21. I fear this fairy-tale relationship will end because of the age difference. Although he tells me I am everything he has ever wanted in a woman, I'm afraid he'll want a younger woman later on.
Is it possible for a relationship like this to last? -- OLDER BUT NOT WISER IN TEXAS
DEAR OLDER: You have known each other only five months, and you say that neither of you has mentioned the word "love." Although he's only 21, he's wise enough to know that if he says, "I love you," it would probably lead to a commitment he is not ready to assume.
You ask if it's possible for this relationship to last. I have no crystal ball, but if you're seeing each other exclusively six months from now and he still hasn't used the word "love," I'd advise you not to plan your future around him.
DEAR ABBY: We enjoy taking vacations with our married son and his family; it gives us quality time with them, especially the grandchildren.
However, I don't know if I can continue because their idea of a vacation is to do absolutely nothing. I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing and baby sitting. By the end of the week, I am worn out. The same thing happens when they come to our home. I would prefer to spend my time with the grandchildren. What would you suggest I do? -- TIRED MOM IN GEORGIA
DEAR TIRED MOM: Your predicament may be of your own making, because you pitch right in and get things organized without asking for help. Confer with the other adults in your family and lay down ground rules for your vacations. Parcel out duties, even to the children. Trade off on the cooking and cleaning chores, and baby-sit when it is convenient for YOU. At the start of the vacation, post a list of chores in the kitchen, and rotate the duties every few days so no one is overburdened.
You might enjoy this poem for vacationers:
OUR PLACE AT THE LAKE
by Sylvia L.K. Bundy
June is past, so is July,
August is ended -- likewise I.
The pattering feet of summer and sun
Are over, complete, exhausted, done!
I've fed the young as well as the old,
I've cooled the warm, I've warmed the cold.
The wounded and weeping I have consoled,
The tender and touchy I have cajoled.
I have steeled the scared, I have scared the bold,
I have bit my tongue till it was controlled.
I've broiled the steak, I have casseroled,
And the grocer thinks I am made of gold.
(The other bills I have pigeon-holed.)
And frankly, friends, I am ready to fold!
Next time I live I'll make the most
Of being the guest, not the host.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)