To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
BLOOD DONORS ARE ALSO URGED TO JOIN BONE MARROW REGISTRY
DEAR ABBY: Our community is currently rallying support for a 10-year-old who has cancer. We have orchestrated many blood drives in her honor. However, at the City of Hope hospital in Duarte, Calif., and the Red Cross blood donating centers, we've encountered the same situation: Not one person who has donated blood was ever asked if he or she would like to be put on the bone marrow registry. I had to ask the person drawing my blood several times to be placed on this list. It seemed to be a problem for them.
I want your readers to know that if you donate blood, there are no additional needles to get your bone marrow registered. To get on the registry, you must allow them to draw a little more blood -- without any additional needles.
Also, while donating blood, it's important to sign up for the blood platelets donation. People with cancer need platelets desperately.
I think it's inexcusable that people who draw blood from other people don't explain how easy it is to get on the bone marrow registry. It's also inexcusable to me that they don't explain the need for platelets.
There's no better charity than donating blood to hospitals that treat children for cancer. You can even receive a $5 gift certificate, which you can then give to any child currently under the care of the hospital. This allows the child to go to the gift shop and purchase a magazine or cartoon coloring book.
Thank you very much, Abby, for your attention to this matter. Please help spread the word about donating blood and the bone marrow registry. -- JIM MULLIGAN, GLENDALE, CALIF.
DEAR MR. MULLIGAN: Thank YOU, for an important letter. After reading it, I made inquiries about it with both the Red Cross and City of Hope. A media representative from the Red Cross informed me that "donors wishing to be placed on the bone marrow registry must have their blood tested for Human Leukocyte Antigen (HLA) type, and sign a consent form allowing his or her name to be placed on the bone marrow registry. This HLA-type testing is NOT performed on WHOLE blood donors, which may have been the reason he (Mr. Mulligan) was not made aware of the bone marrow registry at the time. It is performed, however, on apheresis donors.
"Apheresis, available at most Red Cross blood donor centers, is a special kind of blood donation enabling the collection of platelets. Blood donors who want to learn more about apheresis donation should call 1-800-GIVE-LIFE to find their nearest Red Cross Blood Center. Once their blood is HLA-typed, and their consent is given, they will be registered as potential bone marrow donors."
Charles M. Balch, M.D., the president and chief executive officer of the City of Hope, had this to say: "The policy of City of Hope Donor Center is to ask each blood donor if he or she would also like to register with the National Marrow Donor Program (NMDP). This is done when the donor first arrives, and then again during the medical screening. In addition, the donor registration area contains signage with information on registering with the NMDP.
"However, despite efforts to inform blood donors of the NMDP, oversights can happen. If the individual who contacted you was not asked if he wished to join the NMDP registry, it was an oversight on our part. We are currently in the process of taking steps to ensure that our policy is followed without exception. In addition, we're planning to redesign the donor center canteen/waiting area to create a more effective visual presentation of all our donor programs. As a pioneer of one of the world's largest bone marrow transplantation centers, we support the efforts, and understand the importance of the NMDP."
WOMAN WONDERS IF AGE GAP CAN BE BRIDGED WITH LOVE
DEAR ABBY: Five months ago I met a man who changed my life. He is a college student, has his own business and a part-time job. He's very mature and has a good head on his shoulders. His goals in life are realistic, and he knows that it takes work to achieve them.
Two months ago our relationship progressed to another level, and we have been together every night since. Each day is better than the day before. Neither of us uses the word "love" to describe our relationship, nor do we say it to each other.
Abby, we have so much in common, but we can't overlook the fact that I am 32 and he is 21. I fear this fairy-tale relationship will end because of the age difference. Although he tells me I am everything he has ever wanted in a woman, I'm afraid he'll want a younger woman later on.
Is it possible for a relationship like this to last? -- OLDER BUT NOT WISER IN TEXAS
DEAR OLDER: You have known each other only five months, and you say that neither of you has mentioned the word "love." Although he's only 21, he's wise enough to know that if he says, "I love you," it would probably lead to a commitment he is not ready to assume.
You ask if it's possible for this relationship to last. I have no crystal ball, but if you're seeing each other exclusively six months from now and he still hasn't used the word "love," I'd advise you not to plan your future around him.
DEAR ABBY: We enjoy taking vacations with our married son and his family; it gives us quality time with them, especially the grandchildren.
However, I don't know if I can continue because their idea of a vacation is to do absolutely nothing. I do all the cooking, cleaning, washing and baby sitting. By the end of the week, I am worn out. The same thing happens when they come to our home. I would prefer to spend my time with the grandchildren. What would you suggest I do? -- TIRED MOM IN GEORGIA
DEAR TIRED MOM: Your predicament may be of your own making, because you pitch right in and get things organized without asking for help. Confer with the other adults in your family and lay down ground rules for your vacations. Parcel out duties, even to the children. Trade off on the cooking and cleaning chores, and baby-sit when it is convenient for YOU. At the start of the vacation, post a list of chores in the kitchen, and rotate the duties every few days so no one is overburdened.
You might enjoy this poem for vacationers:
OUR PLACE AT THE LAKE
by Sylvia L.K. Bundy
June is past, so is July,
August is ended -- likewise I.
The pattering feet of summer and sun
Are over, complete, exhausted, done!
I've fed the young as well as the old,
I've cooled the warm, I've warmed the cold.
The wounded and weeping I have consoled,
The tender and touchy I have cajoled.
I have steeled the scared, I have scared the bold,
I have bit my tongue till it was controlled.
I've broiled the steak, I have casseroled,
And the grocer thinks I am made of gold.
(The other bills I have pigeon-holed.)
And frankly, friends, I am ready to fold!
Next time I live I'll make the most
Of being the guest, not the host.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Open Wallet at Cash Register May Give Too Much Away
DEAR ABBY: I own a very busy neighborhood retail newsstand/convenience store. We serve a few hundred customers a day -- more men than women, for some reason. While our male customers generally dig into their pockets for bills or coins when paying, women usually bring out their wallets and open them to get cash. This is a dangerous practice.
When women open their wallets and reveal credit cards and the driver's license in the window pocket, I get a good look at personal information -- as do customers standing beside or behind them. It may take only a few seconds to get money out of the wallet, but it takes me less time to read their names and addresses.
It may seem like a reasonable place to keep your license in order to find it quickly should an officer ask for it, but most officers ask that the license be removed from the wallet anyway. I have made my family and friends aware of the danger, and have moved my wife's license to a safer location in her wallet.
I am reluctant to point out this danger to my customers because they may feel "funny" about my noticing. However, I worry that someone who is unstable or dangerous may obtain names and addresses -- and then who knows what will happen?
I propose that women put a favorite photo in the display window of their wallets -- or better yet, a photo of a very large male. That sends a safer message. -- RICH FROM LUCKY STOP, NORTH BABYLON, N.Y.
DEAR RICH: Great idea. And if the woman has no husband, boyfriend, son, uncle or male friend, a picture of a German shepherd with teeth exposed should suffice. Or perhaps women should carry a small coin purse with a few dollars in it and leave the wallets safely out of sight in their purses.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from Marva Boehm Mason concerning adopted children. I agree with her 100 percent. When you're adopted, you know you were wanted. I often hear people refer to children as "adopted." It's an unnecessary label.
Some birth children wish they had the love and attention that some adopted children get. Mrs. Mason's parents were kind and loving, and let her know that she was special.
Some natural-born children find out that they were "accidents" -- that their parents weren't ready for them. They are constantly reminded that they are an intrusion into their parents' lives.
Television and print media are guilty of using the term "adopted," referring to a certain actor's children as "so-and-so's ADOPTED children." They are his or her children, period! It is cruel for society to create distinctions between children. It is because of labels like these that adoptees go in search of their "real" parents, instead of realizing that the people who loved them, fed them, nurtured them and made them productive members of society are their "real" parents.
The individuals who gave them up are the ones who lose. For whatever reason, they were denied the pleasure of seeing a delightful child grow into a fine adult.
May God bless all those who open their hearts to adopt babies and give them a loving home. -- MARILYN BOZEMAN, CHICAGO
DEAR MARILYN: And God bless those mothers who placed their babies for adoption in order to give them a better home than they (the birth mothers) could provide.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)