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Open Wallet at Cash Register May Give Too Much Away
DEAR ABBY: I own a very busy neighborhood retail newsstand/convenience store. We serve a few hundred customers a day -- more men than women, for some reason. While our male customers generally dig into their pockets for bills or coins when paying, women usually bring out their wallets and open them to get cash. This is a dangerous practice.
When women open their wallets and reveal credit cards and the driver's license in the window pocket, I get a good look at personal information -- as do customers standing beside or behind them. It may take only a few seconds to get money out of the wallet, but it takes me less time to read their names and addresses.
It may seem like a reasonable place to keep your license in order to find it quickly should an officer ask for it, but most officers ask that the license be removed from the wallet anyway. I have made my family and friends aware of the danger, and have moved my wife's license to a safer location in her wallet.
I am reluctant to point out this danger to my customers because they may feel "funny" about my noticing. However, I worry that someone who is unstable or dangerous may obtain names and addresses -- and then who knows what will happen?
I propose that women put a favorite photo in the display window of their wallets -- or better yet, a photo of a very large male. That sends a safer message. -- RICH FROM LUCKY STOP, NORTH BABYLON, N.Y.
DEAR RICH: Great idea. And if the woman has no husband, boyfriend, son, uncle or male friend, a picture of a German shepherd with teeth exposed should suffice. Or perhaps women should carry a small coin purse with a few dollars in it and leave the wallets safely out of sight in their purses.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing about the letter from Marva Boehm Mason concerning adopted children. I agree with her 100 percent. When you're adopted, you know you were wanted. I often hear people refer to children as "adopted." It's an unnecessary label.
Some birth children wish they had the love and attention that some adopted children get. Mrs. Mason's parents were kind and loving, and let her know that she was special.
Some natural-born children find out that they were "accidents" -- that their parents weren't ready for them. They are constantly reminded that they are an intrusion into their parents' lives.
Television and print media are guilty of using the term "adopted," referring to a certain actor's children as "so-and-so's ADOPTED children." They are his or her children, period! It is cruel for society to create distinctions between children. It is because of labels like these that adoptees go in search of their "real" parents, instead of realizing that the people who loved them, fed them, nurtured them and made them productive members of society are their "real" parents.
The individuals who gave them up are the ones who lose. For whatever reason, they were denied the pleasure of seeing a delightful child grow into a fine adult.
May God bless all those who open their hearts to adopt babies and give them a loving home. -- MARILYN BOZEMAN, CHICAGO
DEAR MARILYN: And God bless those mothers who placed their babies for adoption in order to give them a better home than they (the birth mothers) could provide.
Human Touch Helps to Heal Lonely Residents in Home
DEAR ABBY: I just read your answer to the director of a nursing home in Oklahoma who wrote about a woman whose mother had died in a nursing home. Rather than place flowers on her mother's grave, the daughter took them to a nearby nursing home and left them with a friendly note for a resident who had never had a visitor.
That certainly struck home with me. I've seen the same act of kindness many times, and can't tell you how much these small gestures mean to lonely elders who have outlived family and friends. The average age of nursing home residents is 85. It affirms their worthiness and restores an important connection to the larger community.
But I would also like to plead, in this case, that the woman actually meet the resident and give her the flowers in person. She needn't say much -- just a quick hello, a brief introduction, a warm handclasp would do. Human touch is healing. It's encouraging. It's life-affirming.
I don't mean to belittle her anonymous act. That's a wonderful step, and if that's all she's able to do she has done more than most people would. I would just encourage her to take the next step. It would make all the difference in the world to that nursing home resident, who would be forever grateful. She might even make a great new friend -- someone, perhaps, like her mother. -- BRENT H. NETTLE, EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, SAN FRANCISCO MINISTRY TO NURSING HOMES
DEAR MR. NETTLE: Thank you for your sweet letter. I, too, thought the idea of providing flowers to a nursing home resident on Mother's Day was touching and generous. But not all my readers would agree with the wisdom of revealing the residents' identities. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: In response to "Anonymous in Oklahoma," who suggested that readers send flowers or gifts to those at nursing facilities rather than leaving flowers at a grave:
While this gesture would surely be appreciated, I would question the judgment of any nursing facility that would reveal the name of a patient, especially a patient without a family, i.e., heirs. While I believe that the woman who contacted "Anonymous in Oklahoma" was honest, not everyone is. A nursing home should, under no circumstances, disclose the names of its residents.
This reader obviously had her heart in the right place. However, in light of the often dishonest world we live in, where most scams target the elderly, it's much safer to suggest that readers send flowers to the nursing home and ask that they be delivered at the facility's discretion to a resident in need.
I have family members in nursing homes across the country and am unable to visit them as often as I would like, although they are always in my thoughts and prayers. I would be horrified to discover that a nursing home staff member had given the name of one of my relatives to a stranger.
While we should all perpetuate random acts of kindness, it is also important for caregivers and care facilities to respect and protect the privacy of their patients. -- CAREGIVER IN LA CANADA, CALIF.
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Father Digs in His Heels in Battle Over Son's Name
DEAR ABBY: "Jack" and I were recently married and are now expecting our first child. Unfortunately, what should be a joyous time for us has turned into a battle of wills.
The day we found out I was pregnant, Jack told me if our child is a boy, he wants to name the baby after both his grandfathers, only one of whom is still living. I told him then I didn't care for either name and suggested we compromise by using one as a middle name, and then selecting a first name that we both like.
We learned last week that we are, indeed, going to have a boy. Jack refuses to discuss any other names. He said he has decided "not to be flexible on the subject" and doesn't care if it is fair or if I like it.
His attitude is killing all the joyful anticipation I should be feeling over the birth of our son. He has made it clear that "honoring" his grandfather is more important to him than considering the wishes of his wife -- the mother of his child.
I've tried telling him how I feel about naming the baby, and that I won't sign the birth certificate unless our son has a name we both agree on. He says he doesn't care; he'll sign it without me.
Shouldn't I have a say in choosing the name my firstborn will carry for the rest of his life? I can't get my husband to listen to me on the subject. What should I do? -- SAD MOM-TO-BE, WHITTIER, CALIF.
DEAR SAD MOM-TO-BE: It is unfortunate that naming the baby has become a battle of wills. However, there may still be some room for compromise.
Consider agreeing to name the boy after his paternal great-grandfathers, then promptly give the child a nickname. Or, tell your husband that if he names the first child, it's your right to name the second -- and put the agreement in writing.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column daily, and you offer good advice. Keep up the good work.
I'm writing to offer a suggestion to kids who have spare time this summer. I'm 12 years old and volunteer at my mother's job. She works in a nursing home. I walk with patients, talk to them, run errands and help with activities, plus a lot of other things. You can learn a lot, and bring patients joy and a smile to their faces.
Volunteering teaches you responsibility and earns you friends. I'd definitely recommend working at a nursing home or volunteering at other places -- such as animal shelters, businesses, farms, hospitals, or just work at people's homes for free.
It may sound boring to some people, but it's worth the time. I've made many friends and have had lots of fun doing it. -- REBECCA L. MAHAN, KEWASKUM, WIS.
DEAR REBECCA: Giving of one's time is the most precious gift a person can bestow. I know from personal experience how rewarding volunteer work can be. You are a mature and generous young lady who has learned a valuable lesson at a young age. Bless you for spreading the word.
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