For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Worries About Future With Man Who's Hiv Positive
DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago I began dating a man I care for very much. We discussed a future together and things seemed to fall into place. We thought it was wise to have HIV testing before we got too intimate -- which means we were very cautious -- but we did become intimate.
His test came back positive. He wasn't too shocked, nor was I. I care deeply for this man. He's 38 and I'm 31. We both have been married several times, and now I feel like I should never be with anyone else. I know the risk involved with staying with him. However, I can't imagine not being there when he needs me.
His lifestyle has changed in the last few months, and if he continues living a healthy lifestyle, he could live a fairly normal life, which I'd very much like to be part of.
I don't worry about his giving me AIDS, but I do worry about how I will take care of him if and when he gets sick. I have two wonderful kids ages 9 and 5. I want to see them grow up and have families of their own.
I've believed in God all my life, and never thought he would put me in a situation like this. I can't seem to understand what God wants from me, although I pray a lot lately. I'm afraid to consult our pastor with this private problem.
Can you help me sort this out? -- FAITHFUL MISSOURI READER
DEAR FAITHFUL READER: The recent breakthroughs in AIDS therapy have given new hope to many people. With luck, your boyfriend will be one of them.
According to Mervyn Silverman, M.D., past president of the American Foundation for AIDS Research (AmFAR), with proper protection, you can significantly reduce your risk and maintain your negative HIV status. Obviously this means NEVER letting your guard down, and always using protection with penetrative sex. For information on the best preventive methods, contact your local or state AIDS office.
Your boyfriend seems to be doing well, and with the new drug therapies, he could continue to do well for many years. However, should his condition worsen, there are home-care agencies to help you with his care. And in many communities there are support groups for caregivers of people with HIV. You should both look for the resources available to you. A call to the Centers for Disease Control AIDS hotline (1-800-342-2437) can help you in your search.
I wish you both the very best of luck.
DEAR ABBY: Our dad, age 60, divorced our mom five years ago, after 26 years of marriage. There are six children. Dad is soon to be married to a divorced woman with three grown children and grandchildren.
Shortly after our parents' divorce, Dad inherited a substantial amount of money because of the death of his mother and his aunt. Both his mother (our grandmother) and his aunt had intended that the six of us would be remembered through our father.
Would it be appropriate for us to ask Dad to make a prenuptial agreement to ensure our grandmother's and aunt's wishes are honored? -- THE WONDERING SIX
DEAR WONDERING SIX: I have said many times that a prenuptial agreement is a good idea for couples with property and children from previous marriages. However, the person to discuss that subject with your father should be his attorney, because although it shouldn't be, the issue is often emotionally charged.
Call your dad's attorney and suggest he (or she) talk to your father about prenuptial agreements.
DEAR ABBY: I'm sending you an article that was published by the SPCA of Texas. It brought me to tears when I read it, knowing how many owners abuse and neglect their pets. It also reminded me how much my little dog loves and depends on me.
Please, please put this in your column with the hope that it might make even one abusive pet owner stop abusing his or her pet, or just as a reminder to other pet owners about how sensitive and loving their pets are. If it saves even one helpless pet from further abuse or neglect, it will be worth space in your column. -- LISA D. FOURNIER, ALLEN, TEXAS
DEAR LISA: I think it's excellent, and well worth sharing with my readers. I hope those who need the message will take it to heart. Read on:
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A RESPONSIBLE PET OWNER
1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be very painful.
2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.
3. Place your trust in me -- it is crucial for my well-being.
4. Don't be angry with me for long, and don't lock me up as punishment. You have your work, your friends, your entertainment. I HAVE ONLY YOU!
5. Talk to me. Even if I don't understand your words, I understand your voice when it's speaking to me.
6. Be aware that however you treat me, I'll NEVER forget it.
7. Before you hit me, remember that I have teeth that could easily crush the bones in your hand, but I choose not to bite you.
8. Before you scold me for being lazy or uncooperative, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I'm not getting the right food, I've been out in the sun too long, or my heart may be getting old and weak.
9. Take care of me when I get old. You, too, will grow old.
10. Go with me on difficult journeys. Never say, "I can't bear to watch it" or, "Let it happen in my absence." Everything is easier for ME if you are there. Remember, I love you.
DEAR ABBY: I am a writer of short stories and poetry, but I think I would have to ponder a long time to top the letter I read in your column a few weeks ago.
It concerned a woman who was cremated and her ashes spread over the family plot, to give life to the wildflowers -- only to have a drought set in. Still she produced an abundance of forget-me-nots.
Truly a tale of God's love for those understanding his promise and how he will carry it through. Thank you and the lady for sharing it. -- MEL IN PHOENIX
DEAR MEL: Thank you for the kind words. Her letter touched me, too.
DEAR ABBY: Dr. James Prentice of Austin, Texas, wrote to you about being on the set of "That Hagen Girl" in 1947 and seeing "a young Ronald Reagan and a young actress whose name I don't recall."
I wonder how many people wrote to say that the young actress was probably Shirley Temple in her first "grown-up" role? -- MARGARET BROMBAUER, MILWAUKEE
DEAR MARGARET: A dozen -- but your letter was the first to arrive, so yours is the one I'm printing. Thanks for setting the record straight.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman Stuck With Ticket May Lose Money and Her Friends
DEAR ABBY: My friend "Barbara" and I decided to see a play, so she charged her (nonrefundable) ticket to her credit card. Two days later, Barbara realized she had to cancel, and asked me if I knew anyone who wanted to purchase her ticket.
Another friend (I'll call her Linda) said she'd love to go. We agreed she would pay me the night of the play, so I could give Barbara the money. To simplify matters, I went ahead and paid Barbara when she delivered the ticket.
The day before the play, Linda called and announced that she had to go out of town and couldn't attend the play after all. She said there was plenty of time left for me to sell the ticket, and she didn't think she should pay for it. She said that Barbara should return my money and find her own replacement. Barbara, on the other hand, felt that her obligation was over when she sold me the ticket, and is, therefore, out of the picture.
To make a long story short, it was too late to find a replacement for Linda. Each of us feels put out, but I'm also out the money. What should have happened? -- CAUGHT IN THE MIDDLE
DEAR CAUGHT: Linda canceled very late in the game. She should have made an effort to find someone to purchase her ticket instead of placing the burden on you.
Since you were unable to find someone to replace her, Linda should reimburse you the money you advanced on her behalf.
P.S. Watch out for Linda. Although you may consider her to be one, she hasn't treated you like a friend.
DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from Mary Pryor, describing her stolen purse experience in France, reminded me of the experience an acquaintance of mine had during his visit to Bogota, Colombia.
He chased a thief who had stolen his billfold, yelling -- in his best tour-book Spanish -- what he thought was, "Stop him! I've been robbed!" A policeman finally stopped the culprit, retrieved the billfold and told my American friend that what he actually had been shouting was, "Stop him! I'm a robber! I'm a robber!" -- DON STONE, SIOUX CITY, IOWA
DEAR DON: I suppose your letter illustrates that it's better to speak fractured Spanish than no Spanish at all. You aren't the only reader I heard from after printing Mary Pryor's letter. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter about the woman whose purse was stolen in the Champs de Mars park in Paris, I had to write. You ended your response to her by saying, "Vive la France! And vive les tourists Americain!"
Well, Abby, as long as you throw around French phrases, you might go to the trouble of getting it right:
Vive la France et vive les touristes americains!
We are always first in line to ridicule the fractured English we see or read in foreign countries. Shame on you. -- ERNESTINE BLOOMBERG, TIGARD, ORE.
DEAR ERNESTINE: Excusez mes fautes d'orthographe et de grammaire. I don't speak French, but thank heavens I have friends who do!
Thanks for pointing out the errors.
DEAR ABBY: I thought I'd give you your laugh for the day:
When I read my 73-year-old husband your column about the wife who came home and found her 73-year-old husband watching pornographic movies, my husband asked, "What channel was he watching?" -- AMUSED IN POWDER SPRINGS, GA.
DEAR AMUSED: Your letter reminds me of one I received many years ago. It came from a man who wrote: "Dear Abby: I hear there's a sexual revolution going on. Could you please tell me where it is, and how do I get there?"
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)