DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the mother of the 17-year-old who was dating a guy Mom felt was bad news. Your answer, that the daughter may have to learn for herself, was exactly right, Abby.
When I was 16, I started dating a guy my parents felt was bad for me. They told me one time how they felt about him, then let me make my own decisions and come to my own conclusions. It took me four years to realize what my parents had known from the start, but it was a learning experience I wouldn't trade for anything.
I know it was difficult for my parents to keep their comments about him to themselves and not interfere, but I thank them for doing so. That relationship made me who I am today. It made me understand my strengths and weaknesses, what I wanted in life and what I didn't.
I am now 25 years old and married to a man who is everything I ever wanted and everything my bad-news boyfriend wasn't. -- HAPPILY EVER AFTER
DEAR HAPPILY EVER AFTER: It is never easy to watch a child stumble or make mistakes, but the lessons learned from personal experience are the ones most clearly remembered, as your letter attests.
Author E.M. Forster said it well: "Spoon-feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon."