Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
'MAD DADS' ARE ANGRY ENOUGH TO TAKE BACK THEIR STREETS
DEAR ABBY: The letter in your column from "First Class Parent" -- the father who was raising his children as a single parent -- struck a chord with me. I am president of the national MAD DADS (Men Against Destruction -- Defending Against Drugs and Social Disorder).
So many of our children today grow up in homes with only one parent -- usually the mother. Children need the influence of a father or other positive role model. Many of our male volunteers grew up in households without a father, or are single fathers themselves. They have seen firsthand the consequences of absent fathers, and they are doing something about it.
Our organization started in 1989, after one of the founders' sons was nearly beaten to death by gang members. Here in Omaha, we were tired of the downward spiral of delinquency, drugs, gang involvement and destruction.
Today, MAD DADS has 50 chapters in 14 states. Our volunteers act as mentors, friends and, most important, positive role models to youth. These individuals walk their neighborhoods in pairs to take back their streets from drug dealers and gang members. They implement activities and programs to reach out to youth, serving as surrogate fathers, uncles and big brothers. MAD DADS chapters have been created in some of the poorest and most crime-ridden areas of the country. (South Central Los Angeles, for example, now has a chapter and two subdivisions.)
MAD DADS continues to reach out to recruit positive role models for inner-city youth. If your readers would like further information regarding MAD DADS, including how to become a volunteer or start a chapter in their area, they can contact us at 1-402-451-3500, or write to: MAD DADS National Headquarters, 3030 Sprague St., Omaha, Neb. 68111.
Thank you, Abby, for drawing attention to the important issues of fatherhood in our nation. -- EDDIE STATON, PRESIDENT, OMAHA
DEAR MR. STATON: Thank you for letting my readers and me know about this worthwhile effort to reach and rehabilitate fatherless youth.
Mentoring is not a new idea, but it seems to be enjoying a resurgence in popularity. Mentoring takes time, training and dedication -- but the payoff, turning young lives in productive new directions, is enormously rewarding. The committed men who step forward to donate their time and energy are to be commended. I wish you continued success in this noble effort.
DEAR ABBY: I receive lots of mail from organizations requesting donations for various causes. I'm sure that these requests are for good causes, but there's a limit to one's ability to make donations.
I am especially irritated with organizations that send me address labels with my name on them. I'm sure it must be an enormous expense to print these labels for all the people on their mailing lists. Why don't they use this money for their cause? I have enough labels to last me if I wrote 10 letters a day for the rest of my life! I even receive labels with my husband's name -- and he's been dead for two years.
I know everybody reads "Dear Abby," and I hope someone in these organizations sees this and acts to put an end to this foolish expenditure. -- ENOUGH ALREADY IN FALL RIVER
DEAR ENOUGH: This method of raising money has been used for as long as I can remember. However, people are under no obligation to pay for ANYTHING they did not order -- and that includes stickers with your name and address printed on them. And by the way, you are under no obligation to return them, either.
KIDS' EYES AS WELL AS SKIN NEED PROTECTION FROM SUN
DEAR ABBY: While strolling on the beach recently, my wife and I noticed a young woman and her son wading. The boy was probably 3 or 4 years old. The mother was wearing sunglasses, but the child had none, and was squinting from the sun's glare.
On another occasion, we observed a mother pushing a stroller as she jogged. The infant in the stroller did not have his eyes protected from the sun and was squinting.
Abby, please urge parents to protect their children's eyesight with good sunglasses that block the UV rays. -- BILL FROM CORRALITOS, CALIF.
DEAR BILL: With pleasure. Almost all parents are aware that exposure to sunlight can damage a child's delicate skin. However, the danger of the sun's rays to the eyes has only recently been established. Studies have shown that permanent damage to the eyes can result from prolonged exposure without adequate protection.
According to Michael H. Marmor, M.D., professor of ophthalmology at Stanford University Medical Center: "Of greater concern than the acute damage caused by a day in the sun is the CUMULATIVE damage of REPEATED exposure that may contribute to chronic eye disease."
Long-term exposure affects not only the surface of the eye -- the cornea and conjunctiva -- but also the internal structures, the lens and the retina, resulting in cataracts and other conditions that may harm the child's vision later in life.
The most dangerous time for sun exposure is between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (or even longer in areas close to the equator). High altitudes, beaches, snow fields and bodies of water significantly increase ultraviolet (UV) exposure.
Parents should teach children to never look directly at the sun, even when they are wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses cannot protect a child's eyes from potentially serious injury caused by gazing directly at the sun.
The American Academy of Ophthalmology recommends sunglasses that screen out 99 percent to 100 percent of ultraviolet light (both UV-A and UV-B). They should carry one of the following labels: "Blocks 99 percent of ultraviolet rays," "UV absorption up to 40nm," "Special purpose," or "Meets ANSI UV requirements."
A common myth about sunglasses is that they have to be expensive to give adequate protection. Many $10 glasses may provide equal or greater protection than those costing $100.
Even infants' eyes should be protected. If necessary, the sunglasses can be secured with an elastic band.
DEAR ABBY: I always like to tell a joke to every new person I meet or correspond with. A wise man once said that a good laugh does a body as much good as five tablespoons of bran flakes.
I'd like to offer this one:
An old Texas farmer climbed into his pickup truck and went to town to buy groceries. There was a stop sign at the main highway, but he just slowed down, looked both ways, then took off like a shot. Unfortunately for him, one day the sheriff saw him and pulled him over.
"Sir," said the sheriff, "that is a full-stop sign."
"Son," said the farmer, "I've been doing this for 20 years and have yet to have an accident. There's not a bit of difference between 'stop' and 'slow down.'"
"Well, sir," said the sheriff, "I'm going to show you the difference." He hauled out his nightstick and began beating the poor farmer on both shoulders.
"Now, sir," said the sheriff, "do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?"
God loves you, Abby, and so do I. -- LONGTIME READER, JOHN J. TUOHY
DEAR JOHN: I always thought "STOP" meant "slowly tap on pedal." (Just kidding.)
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Cozy Arrangement Provides Not Much Comfort for Widow
DEAR ABBY: My gentleman friend and I have been together for two years. We are both widowed and own our own homes, but he lives with me. I am 69 and he is 80. He saves money by living with me. He takes me out for dinner quite often and buys small items for the house, and sometimes gasoline for my car. But I am unable to save much because I pay most of the bills.
Whenever we go anyplace, I drive because he doesn't drive very well. He calls his friends long-distance on my phone, saying he will reimburse me, but so far he never has. (I'm not sure if he's just cheap, or forgetful.)
Before I met him I was so lonely I was climbing the walls. When he came along, he filled a void in my life, but now I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better off without him.
He's not in the best of health and has no one to look after him, and I wonder if my conscience would bother me if I broke up with him.
He says he wants to get married, but will do nothing about having a prenuptial contract drawn up. My attorney says if we get married without a prenuptial contract, he could stand to get half of everything I have, but I could get nothing of his because all his assets are in trust.
I don't really want to get married, but I do feel that if he should get sick and I take care of him, I deserve to get SOMETHING. He has two sons and I have three.
He seems content to go on as things are, living in my home, with me paying most of the bills while he saves his money. I am not happy with the way things are.
I have no one I can talk to about this, so I am asking you. What would you do if you were in my shoes? -- NO NAME, PLEASE
DEAR NO NAME: Some things are worse than being lonely, and your situation appears to be one of them. If I were in your shoes, I would have a frank conversation with him, explaining your unhappiness, and insist that he pay his share of the bills. And I would not say "I do" until I had a prenuptial agreement in my safe-deposit box.
DEAR ABBY: While visiting Paris recently, my purse was stolen off my shoulder in the Champs de Mars park. I gave chase, yelling at the top of my lungs, "Stop! Help! Call the police! Help! Help!"
Bravo to the three young men from Ohio, and my congratulations to their parents for raising such heroes. They tackled the thief and retrieved my purse. And bravo to Jessica from Connecticut, who went to the police station with me and made a positive ID of the mugger.
Bravo, bravo to the French police officers who took the time to drive me all around the park under the Eiffel Tower and escort me to the Metro to try to locate the mugger.
Thanks to the cafe owner who stayed open late so my daughter and her children would have a safe place to wait for me.
What an experience -- and what a fortunate outcome! Life is good. -- MARY A. PRYOR, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MARY: Thanks for sharing your "All's well that ends well" experience. I love happy endings. Vive la France, and vive les tourists Americain!
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)