To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
KIDS' EYES AS WELL AS SKIN NEED PROTECTION FROM SUN
DEAR ABBY: While strolling on the beach recently, my wife and I noticed a young woman and her son wading. The boy was probably 3 or 4 years old. The mother was wearing sunglasses, but the child had none, and was squinting from the sun's glare.
On another occasion, we observed a mother pushing a stroller as she jogged. The infant in the stroller did not have his eyes protected from the sun and was squinting.
Abby, please urge parents to protect their children's eyesight with good sunglasses that block the UV rays. -- BILL FROM CORRALITOS, CALIF.
DEAR BILL: With pleasure. Almost all parents are aware that exposure to sunlight can damage a child's delicate skin. However, the danger of the sun's rays to the eyes has only recently been established. Studies have shown that permanent damage to the eyes can result from prolonged exposure without adequate protection.
According to Michael H. Marmor, M.D., professor of ophthalmology at Stanford University Medical Center: "Of greater concern than the acute damage caused by a day in the sun is the CUMULATIVE damage of REPEATED exposure that may contribute to chronic eye disease."
Long-term exposure affects not only the surface of the eye -- the cornea and conjunctiva -- but also the internal structures, the lens and the retina, resulting in cataracts and other conditions that may harm the child's vision later in life.
The most dangerous time for sun exposure is between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. (or even longer in areas close to the equator). High altitudes, beaches, snow fields and bodies of water significantly increase ultraviolet (UV) exposure.
Parents should teach children to never look directly at the sun, even when they are wearing sunglasses. Sunglasses cannot protect a child's eyes from potentially serious injury caused by gazing directly at the sun.
The American Academy of Ophthalmology recommends sunglasses that screen out 99 percent to 100 percent of ultraviolet light (both UV-A and UV-B). They should carry one of the following labels: "Blocks 99 percent of ultraviolet rays," "UV absorption up to 40nm," "Special purpose," or "Meets ANSI UV requirements."
A common myth about sunglasses is that they have to be expensive to give adequate protection. Many $10 glasses may provide equal or greater protection than those costing $100.
Even infants' eyes should be protected. If necessary, the sunglasses can be secured with an elastic band.
DEAR ABBY: I always like to tell a joke to every new person I meet or correspond with. A wise man once said that a good laugh does a body as much good as five tablespoons of bran flakes.
I'd like to offer this one:
An old Texas farmer climbed into his pickup truck and went to town to buy groceries. There was a stop sign at the main highway, but he just slowed down, looked both ways, then took off like a shot. Unfortunately for him, one day the sheriff saw him and pulled him over.
"Sir," said the sheriff, "that is a full-stop sign."
"Son," said the farmer, "I've been doing this for 20 years and have yet to have an accident. There's not a bit of difference between 'stop' and 'slow down.'"
"Well, sir," said the sheriff, "I'm going to show you the difference." He hauled out his nightstick and began beating the poor farmer on both shoulders.
"Now, sir," said the sheriff, "do you want me to STOP or SLOW DOWN?"
God loves you, Abby, and so do I. -- LONGTIME READER, JOHN J. TUOHY
DEAR JOHN: I always thought "STOP" meant "slowly tap on pedal." (Just kidding.)
Cozy Arrangement Provides Not Much Comfort for Widow
DEAR ABBY: My gentleman friend and I have been together for two years. We are both widowed and own our own homes, but he lives with me. I am 69 and he is 80. He saves money by living with me. He takes me out for dinner quite often and buys small items for the house, and sometimes gasoline for my car. But I am unable to save much because I pay most of the bills.
Whenever we go anyplace, I drive because he doesn't drive very well. He calls his friends long-distance on my phone, saying he will reimburse me, but so far he never has. (I'm not sure if he's just cheap, or forgetful.)
Before I met him I was so lonely I was climbing the walls. When he came along, he filled a void in my life, but now I'm wondering if I wouldn't be better off without him.
He's not in the best of health and has no one to look after him, and I wonder if my conscience would bother me if I broke up with him.
He says he wants to get married, but will do nothing about having a prenuptial contract drawn up. My attorney says if we get married without a prenuptial contract, he could stand to get half of everything I have, but I could get nothing of his because all his assets are in trust.
I don't really want to get married, but I do feel that if he should get sick and I take care of him, I deserve to get SOMETHING. He has two sons and I have three.
He seems content to go on as things are, living in my home, with me paying most of the bills while he saves his money. I am not happy with the way things are.
I have no one I can talk to about this, so I am asking you. What would you do if you were in my shoes? -- NO NAME, PLEASE
DEAR NO NAME: Some things are worse than being lonely, and your situation appears to be one of them. If I were in your shoes, I would have a frank conversation with him, explaining your unhappiness, and insist that he pay his share of the bills. And I would not say "I do" until I had a prenuptial agreement in my safe-deposit box.
DEAR ABBY: While visiting Paris recently, my purse was stolen off my shoulder in the Champs de Mars park. I gave chase, yelling at the top of my lungs, "Stop! Help! Call the police! Help! Help!"
Bravo to the three young men from Ohio, and my congratulations to their parents for raising such heroes. They tackled the thief and retrieved my purse. And bravo to Jessica from Connecticut, who went to the police station with me and made a positive ID of the mugger.
Bravo, bravo to the French police officers who took the time to drive me all around the park under the Eiffel Tower and escort me to the Metro to try to locate the mugger.
Thanks to the cafe owner who stayed open late so my daughter and her children would have a safe place to wait for me.
What an experience -- and what a fortunate outcome! Life is good. -- MARY A. PRYOR, SAN FRANCISCO
DEAR MARY: Thanks for sharing your "All's well that ends well" experience. I love happy endings. Vive la France, and vive les tourists Americain!
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Father's Faithful Payments Support Mom Instead of Son
DEAR ABBY: In 1985, I met a woman I grew to care for very much. She and her 9-year-old son from a previous marriage moved into my home. Within weeks, without prior discussion with me, she became pregnant and quit her job. For the next four years I supported her, our child and her older son, even though she was collecting child support from her former husband.
After counseling and considerable agony, it became obvious that this woman was a user and incapable of a healthy relationship. She moved out in 1989, and we worked out a joint-custody arrangement for our 3-year-old son "Josh." I was required to pay her $600 a month in child support.
A year later she disclosed that she had been addicted to drugs the entire time we were together. While I supported her son, she had spent his support check on drugs.
During the last seven years, she started, but never completed, several drug rehabilitation programs, and she has frequently uprooted the children as she moved from relationship to relationship and place to place. All the while, I've been paying child support and giving her thousands of dollars besides.
One recent afternoon, she came by my office to pick up the child-support check and mentioned she'd moved in with another boyfriend and was living rent-free. She was proud that Josh finally had a room of his own, but mentioned that he was sleeping on the floor because he didn't have a bed. I said, "Wait a minute ... you've been collecting child support for seven years, living rent-free for the past several months, and Josh is sleeping on the FLOOR? You haven't bought him something as basic as a bed?"
She replied, "I needed that money to square myself away." Then she added, "And you know what? I can spend that money on anything I want and legally there's nothing you can do about it!"
Josh confirmed this on the way home from school later that day, but defended his mom and said, "It's OK, Dad. I have a (borrowed) sleeping bag." It broke my heart. (Josh now has a bed.)
Abby, while a lot of attention is focused on "deadbeat dads," let's be mindful of the fact that the male gender has no monopoly on "deadbeats." -- SINGLE DAD IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR SINGLE DAD: Your son may need more than money and the bed you have provided for him. His mother is hardly a model of responsible behavior. Rather than blaming your ex-girlfriend, you, as the more responsible parent, should be talking with your lawyer about increasing your visitation or obtaining full custody. The more opportunity your son has to live in a healthy environment, the better his chances are for a successful future.
DEAR ABBY: Last year, my daughter had a boyfriend living with her, using her car, etc. His favorite excuse was, "I have no money." He also was smart enough not to have any credit cards. My daughter paid for everything, or charged it on her credit cards. Dinners, clothes, concert tickets, his car repairs -- it went on eight months. Then he left town with a good job offer.
My daughter itemized all she had spent on him, which came to about $3,000. Then she sent him the list. He wrote back saying he hadn't asked her for a thing!
Did she learn her lesson? No, she's now in an identical relationship. She's one foolish person, thinking she has to buy men so they'll like her.
I have talked myself blue in the face telling her that she can't afford all this generosity. I know she's responsible for her own actions, but in my day, the man paid for everything. Any hope for her? -- FRUSTRATED MOM IN DENVER
DEAR FRUSTRATED MOM: Times have changed a bit since your day. Today, many couples share expenses instead of the man bearing the entire burden.
Your daughter, however, has some serious self-esteem issues. Playing the role of "sugar momma" may foster dependence, but it won't buy love. She's making an investment that has a notoriously low return. The money would be far better spent on counseling.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)