To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
TRANQUILIZER GUNS ARE SAFER FOR CRIMINALS THAN FOR POLICE
DEAR ABBY: Recently here in the Santa Rosa area, a police officer shot and killed a man who was behaving in an irrational manner. He was advancing toward the officer with a wooden bar in his hand.
A few weeks ago, a man was killed at a service station because he attacked a police officer with a screwdriver.
Abby, I think I have a way for the police to protect themselves without killing anybody if they feel threatened.
I have always enjoyed "Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom." When they have shown episodes where they were checking on the health of a potentially dangerous creature such as an elephant, rhino, etc., they shot the creature with a tranquilizer before approaching it!
It seems to me that having a tranquilizer gun in his hand instead of a .357-caliber Magnum would give the police the means to gain control of an incident, and allow everyone to go home to their families without being in a coffin.
Why can't the police use a tranquilizer gun in cases where they feel threatened? -- WAYNE IN SANTA ROSA, CALIF.
DEAR WAYNE: That's an interesting question, and one that I took to James Butts, chief of police in Santa Monica, Calif., who responded, "Tranquilizing agents don't affect everyone uniformly. Therefore you cannot predict whether or not you have a sufficient dose to tranquilize the individual.
"Second, any tranquilizer will take time to enter the bloodstream and sedate the individual. If someone is advancing on you with a deadly weapon or a threatening object, there's no way a tranquilizer would take effect in the two to three seconds it would take someone to seriously injure you."
DEAR ABBY: My brother and his wife moved to Paris, France, for business reasons about 10 months ago. Since then, I've been put in an awkward situation, having been appointed their U.S. domestic secretary on matters ranging from summer camp registration to resolving old traffic tickets, banking and even the filing of income tax extension forms.
In the beginning, I didn't mind being asked. I am organized, efficient and get the job done. I also feel that my children and their cousins have always been close, and that's important to me.
However, I am at my wit's end and want to bow out of any other assignments from abroad. Also, I have yet to receive one thank-you note or phone call of thanks from my brother's wife, who is known to be selfish and very self-centered.
Abby, how can this situation come to an amicable solution without upsetting all involved? I don't want the harmony among the six cousins to be damaged in any way. -- HAD IT IN LEXINGTON, KY.
DEAR HAD IT: Begin filling your communications with your brother and sister-in-law with how busy you are catering to the needs of your husband, your children and your job (if you have one). If you are given another assignment, explain that your schedule does not permit you to do it "right now." Gradually wean them from their dependence on you. As you become less available, they'll either get the message or find a more willing domestic secretary.
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to ask if you know how the story of the birds and bees goes.
I often hear people mention the story, but they never say how it goes. Please put this in your column because I know there are other kids who would like to know. Thank you. -- A KID IN PORT RICHEY, FLA.
DEAR KID: There is no "story." When someone makes reference to "the birds and the bees," they mean the story of "reproduction" -- how they came into the world. This is sometimes called "sex education."
Children of Widowed Parent Often Resent New Spouse
DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Sad Grandpa" who, 38 years ago, married a widow with seven children. He now wants to remarry after her death, and his stepchildren are upset about it.
Perhaps his stepchildren are afraid not only of losing their stepfather, but also any property or belongings (monetary or not) that their biological father and mother would have left them.
I don't mean to make them sound greedy, but we all know from the letters you print that people who remarry later in life when their children are grown often forget that what they and their first spouse accumulated should be shared with their children. When parents remarry and are outlived by their new spouse, many times everything goes to the new spouse's family. And the children feel resentful and abandoned when nothing of their original family, monetary or not, is left for them.
Many clergy today require young couples about to marry to attend premarital counseling, but this is often waived for mature couples who have been married before. Perhaps these couples should also attend counseling which, among other things, would cover disposition of property and how each other's heirs will be remembered in their wills. -- ELYN KIRCHNER, MINNEAPOLIS
DEAR ELYN: I agree, it is unfair for all the assets to be left to another family. And premarital counseling is an excellent arena for ironing out such important issues.
It is also important, however, for grown children to understand their widowed parent's need for companionship in their later years, and to put forth every effort to make the new spouse feel welcomed into the family. Regarding the newcomer as an intruder can have painful consequences. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Stuck in Oklahoma," I felt compelled to write. "Stuck" stated that her mother had died and her father's second wife was difficult to like. She said she didn't know anyone who liked the new wife.
I can think of someone who likes her: "Stuck's" father! The relationship with my two grown daughters was strained for years after I remarried. They slighted my wife, and indirectly me -- in many subtle ways. They would "forget" her birthday, and address special-occasion cards to me only, or behave rudely in her presence. Any intervention by me was met with protestations of innocence on their part. After the loss of my second wife, I had a belated father/daughters talk and told them their behavior had been inexcusable.
My second wife had never tried to replace my daughters' mother. She had simply given their father the love he needed to make his life whole again. Remember, children, it's not easy being a second wife or husband. Cut some slack, OK? -- G.W. IN SHARPSBURG, GA.
DEAR G.W.: Thank you for sharing your experience. Perhaps others will learn that when widowed parents remarry, the grown children shouldn't feel abandoned. They should practice the Golden Rule.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Woman's Fear of Kissing Puts Her Fiance in a Funk
DEAR ABBY: We are 83 and 86, and engaged to be married. This is my problem: I haven't had a "real" kiss for some time.
My fiancee, Emma, had a sore throat several months ago, so she stopped kissing me on the lips. Recently she told me she had seen on television that there was an outbreak of the "kissing disease." Now she has become completely paranoid about it.
Emma says she loves me and is always very attentive when we're together. However, when I try to kiss her, I have to settle for a kiss on the cheek.
Am I being unreasonable to want a kiss on the lips? -- TIRED OF TURNING THE OTHER CHEEK
DEAR TIRED: In view of the fact that you and Emma are engaged to be married, you are not being unreasonable in wanting to be kissed in a romantic fashion.
Ask Emma to be frank with you. She may be reluctant to tell you that you have a halitosis problem. If that's not it, schedule a visit with a physician who can explain to Emma how the "kissing disease" (infectious mononucleosis) is transmitted, and screen you for it. If neither of you has it, you won't get it from each other -- and she can kiss you till the cows come home with perfect peace of mind.
DEAR ABBY: You published a poem years ago that I clipped and enjoyed very much. It was a poem that compared the behavior of man and the apes, and was quite humorous. I think the title was "The Monkey's Disgrace." Would you put it in your column again, please? -- CHESAPEAKE, VA.
DEAR CHESAPEAKE: With pleasure. That poem last appeared in my column in 1987. It's one of my favorites.
THE MONKEY'S DISGRACE
Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree
Discussing things as they are said to be
Said one to the others, "Now listen, you two,
"There's a rumor around that can't be true
"That man descended from our noble race
"The very idea is a great disgrace.
"No monkey has ever deserted his wife
"Starved her babies and ruined her life
"And you've never known a mother monk
"To leave her babies with others to bunk
"Or pass from one on to another
"Till they scarcely knew who is their mother.
"Here's another thing a monkey won't do
"Go out at night and get on a stew
"Or use a gun or club or knife
"To take some other monkey's life
"Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss
"But, brother, he didn't descend from us."
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)