Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Tales of Overcoming Odds Inspire Others to Succeed
DEAR ABBY: I've kept a column of yours for more than a decade. It dealt with famous people who had overcome life's adversities to become outstanding winners. Mine is so worn, I can barely read parts of it. I tried to make a copy, but it didn't come out very well. Will you please print it again? -- EVELYN McKINNON, EASTPOINTE, MICH.
DEAR EVELYN: The column you're referring to was a two-parter. My readers had submitted names of individuals who managed to succeed against the odds. I think it's well worth repeating. Read on:
DEAR READERS: In a recent column, I shared an item sent by Herman Endler, who, at age 40, suffered a stroke that left him totally disabled. He wrote:
"I wasn't able to get out of bed, but by the grace of God and a surgeon's skill, I made it. At times I was so despondent, I prayed it would all end. Then a friend gave me the enclosed inspirational piece, which I must have read 1,000 times. There were moments when I thought, 'This is it; this is the end.' Then I'd read the message again, and it pulled me through.
"Abby, some of the greatest men and women of our times have been saddled with disabilities and adversities but have managed to overcome them.
"Perhaps somewhere there is someone who is at the end of his or her rope and needs encouragement. Pass this along. It may save a life. It saved mine."
A portion of the inspirational piece:
"Bury him in the snows of Valley Forge, and you have a George Washington.
"Raise him in abject poverty, and you have an Abraham Lincoln.
"Subject him to bitter religious prejudice, and you have a Disraeli."
The response to that column was overwhelming. A distinguished publisher, philanthropist and former U.S. ambassador to Great Britain wrote:
"Dear Abby: Your column, 'From Adversity, Many Find Strength,' is indeed a masterpiece. I am adding it to my personal collection of 'reminders.'
"There are two great sources of inspiration in life, enthusiasm and tragedy, and I have been boxed in by both. But having been boxed in by both, I also recognize that perseverance is the key to escape and satisfaction. Sincerely, Walter Annenberg"
Hundreds of readers submitted additional names for the list of those who had succeeded against the odds. Some contributions:
-- Spit on him, humiliate him, then crucify him and he forgives you, and you have Jesus Christ.
-- Strike him down with infantile paralysis, and he becomes a Franklin D. Roosevelt, the only president of the United States to be elected to four terms.
-- When he is a lad of 3, burn him so severely in a schoolhouse fire that the doctors say he will never walk again, and you have a Glenn Cunningham, who set the world's record in 1934 for running a mile in 4 minutes, 6.8 seconds.
-- Have him or her born black in a society filled with racial discrimination, and you have a Booker T. Washington, Harriet Tubman, Marian Anderson, George Washington Carver or Martin Luther King Jr.
-- Make him the first child to survive in a poor Italian family of 18 children, and you have an Enrico Caruso.
-- Have him born of parents who survived a Nazi concentration camp, paralyze him from the waist down when he is 4, and you have the imcomparable concert violinist Itzhak Perlman.
-- Call a slow learner "retarded" and write him off as ineducable, and you have an Albert Einstein.
(See tomorrow's column for others who have succeeded against the odds.)
Old Military Bases Could Give New Service as Jails
DEAR ABBY: From coast to coast we are buying land and building new jails. Also, from coast to coast we are closing our armed forces bases.
During World War II, we had hundreds of German prisoners of war in this country, and we did not build new jails. We put the prisoners on one part of an established military camp and made maintenance men and helpers out of them.
We, the taxpayers, own the land that the bases are on. Many bases have security systems for at least part of the base. There are buildings near most bases where the families of the armed forces lived, and now the families of the prison workers could live there. Have the prisoners keep every piece of equipment, every building and the grounds in perfect condition. Some might even learn a trade.
If there is a natural disaster, go to the nearest base and there is a shelter ready to move into -- the roads, lighting, etc., and all are in top condition and ready. Preparedness is a comforting and wonderful feeling.
Please do not use my name or address. Just sign me ... ANONYMOUS IN CALIFORNIA
DEAR ANONYMOUS: Your idea seems sensible to me. However, there are many reasons why our closed military bases are not being utilized as prisons. Among them are toxic wastes in some locations, substandard buildings, and the fact that landowners in adjacent communities fear it would devalue their property. Also, local governments would prefer to turn the bases into moneymakers to generate more tax revenue.
DEAR ABBY: I am responding to "Fed Up in Huntsville, Ala.," who said that after four years of marriage her 70-year-old husband wants only to eat, sleep and sit.
Abby, this woman is describing the typical symptoms of depression in the elderly, which often goes unnoticed. I have been witness to this in my own family. I tolerated similar behavior in my 73-year-old husband who had already had two heart attacks. One day he cried out in anguish, "Why doesn't God take me right now?" Only then did I realize his "lazy" behavior was not voluntary. We saw a doctor the next day.
My husband is now taking anti-depressants and is so thankful that he feels better. Our active life has resumed, he is once again playing golf, and we are even doing some traveling!
My only regret is that I did not recognize his problems sooner. I am ashamed to admit that I am a registered nurse. I hope my experience will help other senior citizens realize they may need help. -- AN R.N. IN FLORIDA
DEAR R.N.: You have done a great service by writing. When an individual, especially a senior citizen, begins to exhibit unusual behavior, a visit to a physician should be the first order of business.
DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, my 58-year-old husband had a brief affair with his secretary. It was no secret; all the tongues in this little town were wagging a mile a minute.
Once, when I found a motel key in his coat pocket, he had the gall to tell me that he got tired of driving, so he checked into a motel to take a little nap. (Three miles from home!)
Well, last year he had some surgery that left him impotent, and since then, I couldn't ask for a more devoted husband. He sends me flowers, and phones if he knows he's going to be half an hour late. He even takes me on business trips, which he never did before.
Of course, I'm enjoying all this attention, Abby, but in your opinion, why has my husband turned over a new leaf? -- WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: Probably because there's not much left under the old one. Enjoy your good fortune.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Winning the Car Whining War May Make Child Lose His Life
DEAR ABBY: I am deeply disturbed by something I see every day on the streets and roads.
Last week I was driving behind a couple in a sports vehicle. A boy who could not have been more than 3 years old was with them, standing in the back seat with his head halfway out the window.
I am a mother and know what it's like to have your child cry and tell you that you're mean because you want the child strapped in a car seat. But believe me, I would much rather hear my child cry and be upset for a few minutes than to lie awake at night asking God to forgive me for causing his death by giving in because he didn't want to be strapped in.
I don't understand how a parent can be so careless, but I see it all the time. I'm not sure what to do about it. Should I try to catch up to them and tell them how dangerous it is? Or should I call the police on my car phone?
I would like to tell every parent in the world to tell the child who is resisting being buckled in, "No, you cannot ride without being buckled in -- I love you too much to endanger you!"
Abby, please print my letter. I can't bear the thought of another little life being lost because someone failed to safeguard a child in his or her car. -- SHANNON M. BARRETT, AURORA, COLO.
DEAR SHANNON: I'm printing your letter in its entirety, Leaving a small child unsecured in a car, regardless of how well-meaning the adult's motives might be, is child endangerment. It takes only a second for tragedy to happen. So, for the sake of your little ones, please, readers, take Shannon's letter to heart. And while you're at it, buckle up your own seat belt. It sets a good example.
DEAR ABBY: I couldn't pass up the chance to respond to "Sadder and Wiser Now," who learned the hard way that it's best to keep quiet about a loved one's drug addiction rather than face being "roasted" by unbelieving parents.
I was one of those parents who denied any drug or alcohol involvement in dealing with my son's abusive and unpredictable behavior. I also had the misconception that drug and alcohol use are a part of "growing up" and that it is only a phase.
Reality hit unexpectedly. My son woke me in the middle of the night begging for help because he was "sick." I found him in a bloody heap looking like 150 pounds of raw hamburger, due to self-inflicted wounds while on a dose of rock cocaine a "friend" had given him. It is a nightmare that will always be a part of me. I almost lost my son, and it could have been me or my daughter he sliced up. My son remembers nothing about the whole ordeal.
Out of this nightmare came the need to educate myself, to understand what had happened to make my son do such a thing to himself. Sharing my pain with other parents who are also at a loss as to what to do with a drug- or alcohol-dependent loved one has helped me cope with the senselessness of what happened. Finding Al-Anon, a 12-step program, helped me to recognize that I couldn't help my son unless he was willing to help himself.
Our children are never too young to start drug and alcohol education, and we as adults are never too old to change our way of thinking. Our future is at stake.
My son has paid dearly for his adolescent mistakes, but God does answer prayers. He is now a married, hardworking father of two. -- NELLIE PHIPPS, FILLMORE, CALIF.
DEAR NELLIE PHIPPS: Your experience was harrowing, and it's fortunate that it wasn't more serious -- which it easily could have been. Your conclusion is one that I have always emphasized: the importance of opening the lines of communication with children very early, and encouraging honesty and openness, with no topics off-limits.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)