DEAR ABBY: I couldn't pass up the chance to respond to "Sadder and Wiser Now," who learned the hard way that it's best to keep quiet about a loved one's drug addiction rather than face being "roasted" by unbelieving parents.
I was one of those parents who denied any drug or alcohol involvement in dealing with my son's abusive and unpredictable behavior. I also had the misconception that drug and alcohol use are a part of "growing up" and that it is only a phase.
Reality hit unexpectedly. My son woke me in the middle of the night begging for help because he was "sick." I found him in a bloody heap looking like 150 pounds of raw hamburger, due to self-inflicted wounds while on a dose of rock cocaine a "friend" had given him. It is a nightmare that will always be a part of me. I almost lost my son, and it could have been me or my daughter he sliced up. My son remembers nothing about the whole ordeal.
Out of this nightmare came the need to educate myself, to understand what had happened to make my son do such a thing to himself. Sharing my pain with other parents who are also at a loss as to what to do with a drug- or alcohol-dependent loved one has helped me cope with the senselessness of what happened. Finding Al-Anon, a 12-step program, helped me to recognize that I couldn't help my son unless he was willing to help himself.
Our children are never too young to start drug and alcohol education, and we as adults are never too old to change our way of thinking. Our future is at stake.
My son has paid dearly for his adolescent mistakes, but God does answer prayers. He is now a married, hardworking father of two. -- NELLIE PHIPPS, FILLMORE, CALIF.
DEAR NELLIE PHIPPS: Your experience was harrowing, and it's fortunate that it wasn't more serious -- which it easily could have been. Your conclusion is one that I have always emphasized: the importance of opening the lines of communication with children very early, and encouraging honesty and openness, with no topics off-limits.