Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently asked me if I knew how Father's Day originated. I have been unable to locate any information about it. Abby, do you happen to know how and when Father's Day started? -- IRENE L. IN DENVER
DEAR IRENE: Father's Day was the brainchild of Sonora Louise Smart Dodd (1882-1978), a resident of Spokane, Wash. When Sonora was 16, her mother passed away, leaving Sonora's father, William Jackson Smart, with the responsibility of raising their six children.
After listening to a sermon on Mother's Day in 1910, she mentioned to the speaker that she liked everything he had said about motherhood, but somehow fatherhood seemed something apart. "Do you not think it would be fair and fine to give fathers a place in the sun?" she asked.
The speaker, Dr. Henry Rasmus, agreed. At the next meeting of local ministers at Spokane's YMCA building on June 6, 1910, Mrs. Dodd presented a petition requesting that the third Sunday in June be set aside as a national "Father's Day." It was endorsed by the ministers, and came to the attention of such national figures as William Jennings Bryan and Woodrow Wilson. Both heartily supported it.
In 1914, Congress endorsed Father's Day, and in 1971 a proclamation by President Richard M. Nixon established Father's Day as a national observance.
DEAR ABBY: My husband (I'll call him Dan) is 65. I am 57. We've been married two and a half years. It's the second marriage for both of us. (We were divorced when we met.)
Dan's son is to be married in three months. I've recently learned that Dan's ex-wife has dictated that I am not to be invited to the wedding. Dan is paying for some of the wedding expenses, which is fine with me, but I am heartsick that I will be excluded.
Dan says he is in the middle, yet he has said nothing to them. His comment to me was, "Well, I can't help who they invite."
Abby, I had nothing to do with Dan's divorce -- in fact, his ex divorced HIM. I have been on friendly terms with both Dan's son and his fiancee, and I feel really hurt over being excluded.
Am I wrong to feel this way? And shouldn't Dan have spoken up for me when he learned of his son's wedding plans? -- LEFT OUT
DEAR LEFT OUT: Your husband should have made it plain when he was invited that you should be invited as well. You are not wrong to feel hurt.
DEAR READERS: Today is Father's Day, and I offer good wishes not only to fathers everywhere, but also to those caring individuals who are donating time and energy to mentor young men whose fathers are absent or deceased.
A gift suggestion that is guaranteed to make a big hit with every man who has ever fathered a child is one that doesn't cost a dime: Sit down and write your dad a letter, telling him how much he has meant to you over the years. Tell him how much you love him and why. If you do, I promise you that it will mean more to him than any gift you could buy. Trust me.
Guest Gets Lousy Reception in House Where TV Blares
DEAR ABBY: What is a guest supposed to do when entering another person's car or home when the radio or television is playing so loud one can hardly talk or listen?
I have found on many occasions upon entering the home of a friend or relative, the television is blaring. The host makes no effort to turn it down, even to welcome a visitor into the house. The TV has priority in so many cases. Or when entering someone's car, the radio is so loud, again one cannot carry on a conversation.
I realize I am the "guest" in these instances, but aren't there some rules of etiquette in this situation? At times like these, I feel the host would rather not talk with me even when I have been invited, and would prefer to listen to the radio or watch television. If this is true, why was I invited?
I feel this practice is very rude. Possibly the host has no idea that I'm not interested in visiting with the radio or television on. On only one occasion have I had the nerve to ask the host to turn down the volume. I felt very uncomfortable doing it, but my wish was granted. I did not feel I should have been put in that position.
Please comment. Maybe it would help in the department of communications in our society. -- TUNED OUT IN INVER GROVE HEIGHTS, MINN.
DEAR TUNED OUT: A person would have to have the hide of a rhino not to know that when a guest is invited in, conversation with that person supersedes whatever's on the radio or television. However, sometimes the driver or host would like to hear the end of a song or a news bulletin before commencing to chat. And the same goes for a television program they might be in the middle of.
Is it rude? Yes, if the blaring noise continues and prevents the individuals from conversing. But in such cases, you should have no hesitation about asking for the volume to be lowered.
DEAR ABBY: I work two delivery jobs, and I'm amazed at how difficult it can be to locate an address. Hanging plants, overgrown shrubs or partially open doors block house numbers. Sometimes poor color contrasts between the house and the street number (like black on brown or yellow on white) make the address invisible from a distance.
Abby, you would be doing a great service if you asked your readers to step outside and check to see if their address is easily located and readable from the street.
Some good ideas I've seen are house numbers placed near a porch light so they're visible at night, and large numbers on the front of the mailbox post that can be read without slowing down.
Clearly visible house numbers are very helpful for zeroing in on an address. A neighborhood with well-marked houses means hotter pizza, faster package delivery and, most important, quicker response time in case of an emergency. A 15-minute search for an address during an emergency can be the difference between life and death. -- SCOTT RYAN, BREMERTON, WASH.
DEAR SCOTT: Your letter highlights an important issue. Some youth groups offer curbside address painting as a neighborhood project. They return every year to refresh the numbers. Find, or start, a group in your area. A final thought: Be sure your street numbers are clear and visible on your home. They should be placed high enough to be seen over shrubs and parked cars, and well-lighted at night.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Open Adoption Records Mean Taking Bitter With the Sweet
DEAR ABBY: In all the articles I've seen in recent months concerning opening all adoption records, I have never read about the responsibilities of those who wish to find each other. I have only one question: Are you willing to totally accept whatever you find, and to accept that entire extended family as your own?
Are you willing to include that family, likable or not, in your family celebrations and go to theirs on a regular basis? If your newfound family is in financial need, requires surgery, psychiatric care or a nursing home, are you willing to pay for their care for the rest of your life? Will you visit them -- at their country estate or exclusive country club, or perhaps in a homeless shelter, drug/alcohol treatment center or jail? If you can't accept all the responsibilities of the whole package, don't open the box!
I have no memory of being told I was adopted. I have always known, since "adopted" was a happy word used from the time I was an infant. To my birth mother, I would simply say: "Thank you for not aborting me, for caring enough to give me up to a loving family. I hope you had other children and your life was as full of love as mine." -- I'M NOT LOST, PLEASE DON'T FIND ME, GLENVIEW, ILL.
DEAR NOT LOST: You have written a very intelligent letter. Although I have heard from many adoptees and birth mothers about their desire to locate their lost relatives, I have seen no statistics regarding how many regretted making contact.
DEAR ABBY: Is it just me, or do you and your readers find exposed bra straps disgusting? I notice it is very common to wear tank tops or sundresses or some other top that exposes all or part of the shoulder with the bra strap fully exposed. I do not find this appealing at all. It's up there with wearing curlers in public.
I am 43, and for the past 30 years, I've worn shoulder-baring tops. When I do, I don't wear a bra, and in the '70s and '80s this was the norm. (I don't recall women showing anything that should not have been shown when they went braless.) If the top is so revealing without a bra, it probably is too revealing with one. Of course, there are strapless bras for women who feel uncomfortable without a bra, and manufacturers could help out by sewing bra cups into tops that bare shoulders.
What do you and your readers think about exposed bra straps? -- SALLY B. IN VALENCIA, CALIF.
DEAR SALLY: When it comes to exposed bras straps, I'm inclined to suspend judgment. Readers?
DEAR ABBY: I saw the column you printed about who to contact for organ donations, and thought I should write.
I am a charter member of a local Lions Club, and we offer "eye will" forms that now also have a box to check for other organ donations besides eyes.
It would be a great service to Lions Clubs all over the world, in 187 countries, if you would mention in one of your columns that local Lions Clubs can be contacted to arrange for an organ donation/eye will card.
Thank you, Abby, and a great big Lion's ROAR for your participation. -- J.J. MERKLE, PRESIDENT, JACKSONVILLE (N.C.) BUSINESS LIONS CLUB
DEAR MR. MERKLE: That's wonderful news and helpful information I'm pleased to pass along to my readers, some of whom may be unaware of how easily they can get an organ donor card.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)