DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I will be getting married in July, after an 18-month engagement. We have worked very hard on our wedding plans to make sure our special day is as perfect as possible.
Throughout our engagement, my future mother-in-law has been nothing but trouble. There have been many problems, but one has been especially upsetting. Early on, my future mother-in-law talked about giving me a big family bridal shower. I thought this was fine. As the months went by, the shower date kept changing. Now she says she wants to have a combination baby shower for her daughter, my future sister-in-law, and bridal shower for me, six days before our wedding.
Am I selfish because I want a separate bridal shower? I plan on getting married only once, and want everything to be "special." How can I explain to my future mother-in-law that I would rather not have a bridal shower at all than to share it with someone who should have a shower of her own also? -- HURT IN PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR HURT: You are not being selfish. You and your future sister-in-law are both celebrating very special events in your lives, and each of you should have an individual shower.
According to the etiquette books, neither shower should be given by your future mother-in-law. As I have explained in my booklet, "How to Have a Lovely Wedding," showers are never given by either the bride's immediate family or her fiance's. Generally the maid of honor, a bridal attendant or another close friend -- anyone who is not related -- gives the bridal shower. And the appropriate time for it is approximately six WEEKS before the wedding, not six days.