For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
NATIONAL STUTTERING PROJECT OFFERS DIGNITY AND SUPPORT
DEAR ABBY: My problem is that I have a terrible stutter. I am 38 years old and my co-workers make fun of me. I try not to show how much it hurts, and go along with whatever they are saying.
Is there anyone or anything that can help me? I recently heard about some kind of surgery that can help people who stutter. Do you know anything about it? Please help me. -- AFRAID TO SPEAK IN SAN ANTONIO
DEAR AFRAID TO SPEAK: I am unaware of a surgical procedure that can help people who stutter. But your letter arrived not long after another from a reader who shares your problem, and what she had to say should be of interest to you. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I am almost 18 years old and have been afflicted with stuttering most of my life. It hurts when I see people's ignorance of stuttering reflected through discomfort or ridicule.
Those who are unfamiliar with stuttering often think it consists only of initial sound repetitions like "C-C-C-Can you help me?" However, stuttering also consists of "blocks" such as getting stuck and becoming unable to utter a particular sound. This block can last varying amounts of time.
A common misconception is that stuttering is associated with fear and anxiety. It's true that these factors can increase stuttering, but it's uncertain what actually causes it.
Believe it or not, many notable personalities have stuttered, including Marilyn Monroe, James Earl Jones, Bo Jackson, and even the great Winston Churchill.
In 1993, I discovered a group called the National Stuttering Project. It is one of the greatest things that have happened to me as a person who stutters. The group publishes monthly newsletters, has 79 local support groups in the United States, and holds a large convention every summer.
If some of your readers stutter or know someone who does, or are simply interested in learning more about stuttering, they should write to the National Stuttering Project, 5100 E. La Palma Ave., Suite 208, Anaheim Hills, Calif. 92807. -- MARGARET HANSEN, SNOHOMISH, WASH.
DEAR MARGARET: Thank you for a helpful letter, and one which I am sure will be of interest to those who are trying to cope with that problem. The National Stuttering Project was founded in 1977 to let people who stutter know they are not alone. Its goal is to bring dignity, education and empowerment to children and adults who stutter, as well as assist their families and the speech-language pathologists who work with them.
An estimated 4 percent of all children stutter. Seventy-five percent of them will outgrow it. If children receive appropriate therapy at an early age, four out of five will not become chronic stutterers. Most adults can learn to manage their disorder with the help of a speech-language pathologist who specializes in stuttering. However, there is no universal treatment or cure.
I recently spoke with Annie Bradberry, director of development at the National Stuttering Project. She was on her way to speak to a group of schoolchildren who had been teasing a young classmate who stutters. Her mission was to help the students understand that children who stutter are no different from those who do not stutter except for their speech patterns. What a wonderful example of hands-on advocacy!
Readers, May 12-18 is National Stuttering Awareness Week. The toll-free number for the National Stuttering Project is 1-800-364-1677. The e-mail address is nspmail@aol.com.
Kindness of Strangers Makes Family Tragedy More Bearable
DEAR ABBY: May I add to your examples of acts of kindness?
A short time later, a nurse from the hospital to which Cindy had been transferred called to update me on her status. Her injuries were severe; she was stable but critical and heading into surgery. Breaking all the rules, the nurse told me that my nephews, Jacob and Travis, had died instantly in the crash.
I had called ahead to Houston to reserve a rental car. But when I arrived, they refused to rent me one because I didn't have a current driver's license. My purse had been stolen the week before, and I had not yet gone to get a replacement. All I had with me was an expired card I was using for picture ID, but was told that was unacceptable. I was devastated. I was still two hours from the hospital where Cindy was.
I stood outside the rental office in the rain, ready to burst into tears, when two men who had been ahead of me in line at the counter approached and asked me why the agency wouldn't rent me a car. I explained about my sister, her family, the stolen purse and the missing driver's license. They listened sympathetically, then told me not to worry, they would get me there.
They were John and June James, a father and son who live in Houston. They took me to John's home so I could call my family and let them know I was all right. Then June drove me 120 miles (one way) to the hospital where my sister and surviving nephew were. I don't know how I could have gotten to her side without their help. June's sister rode along, talking with me and keeping me calm the whole trip.
June drove 240 miles, round trip, for a stranger -- and I pray that God blesses them for their generous and caring natures. I don't judge people by their color, but I know many ignorant people who do. Thankfully, the James family doesn't either, for you see, I am white and the Jameses are black. They saw a person in desperate need, and I saw a loving family.
My sister and nephew are still recovering from their injuries. Her husband sustained minor injuries, but like Cindy, he's dealing with the grief of losing two sons. -- BONNIE BURGETT, WILLMAR, MINN.
DEAR BONNIE: I'm gratified to know that your sister, brother-in-law and one of your nephews survived the tragedy. Please accept my condolences on the loss of the younger children, and thank you for sharing this act of kindness with me and my readers.
All too often, the media reflect only violence and tragedy because sensationalism is what sells. But there are generous, caring people who reach out to others every day. And as obvious as it may seem, it bears repeating.
CONFIDENTIAL TO "CHATTERBOX" IN MIAMI BEACH: Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something. (Plato)
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
SAFE DRIVERS HAVE HANDS FULL KEEPING THEIR CAR ON THE ROAD
DEAR ABBY: I recently read in the paper another account of a young life lost in a car accident. I live within 30 miles of two universities, and I can't begin to tell you how many accidents of this kind we have each year. The young driver wasn't drinking or speeding. She was reaching down to pick up a CD she had dropped. She swerved off the road, overcorrected, and slammed into another vehicle. She and her passenger were killed instantly. The people in the car she struck were lucky; they were only badly bruised and shaken.
My husband is a tow truck driver who often has to gather up what is left after one of these senseless accidents. Our hearts break for the friends and families of these precious young people. Please, Abby, remind drivers of every age: Do not try to find something you have dropped, change the radio station, tape or CD, read, apply makeup, shave, or dial a cell phone with one hand while you are driving! It takes only a second or a glance away from the road to drift and lose control of your car. -- BECAUSE I CARE, COLFAX, WASH.
DEAR BECAUSE: Younger drivers are particularly at risk for this type of accident because they are more easily distracted and less experienced at regaining control of a vehicle -- but everyone should heed your warning.
The law in 49 states now mandates that everyone in an automobile wear seat belts, and that has saved many lives. However, nothing is as important as paying full attention to the task at hand -- and that means keeping both eyes on the road and both hands firmly on the wheel.
DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Ashley" for three years. During this time we have learned a great deal about each other, have compromised on many issues, and are very close to getting married.
There is one issue that stands in the way. Ashley feels that it is OK to keep secrets from each other. By secrets, I don't mean things from the past, but current day-to-day matters. For example, when I ask who she was talking to after she hangs up the phone, or inquire about her activities if we haven't seen each other for a few days, she thinks I'm prying.
I don't think I can ever trust someone who withholds things from me. I feel that for two people to be really close, there can be no secrets. Her withholding creates a sense of insecurity in me. Abby, is it normal for people in a relationship to withhold information from each other? -- SECRETLY WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: If you cannot stop questioning her and she is unable to be more forthcoming, the two of you are facing a serious obstacle. I urge you to seek counseling and resolve it before you marry.
If you trust her, you should not need to know to whom she was talking every time she hangs up the phone, nor should you grill her about her activities in your absence. On the other hand, part of a healthy level of communication between couples is the sharing of information through normal conversation.
Remember, there is a difference between keeping secrets and maintaining privacy.
DEAR ABBY: Your response to the New York woman who was uncomfortable with her husband's sexy dance moves with other women made my blood boil. Advising her to take dancing lessons so she'd be a more appealing partner harkens back to the 1950s when women were made to accept all the responsibility for relationships.
Wake up and smell the coffee! This is NOT about her skills on the dance floor. It's about his selfish desire to have it all -- the stimulation and ego-gratification that comes with dancing with other women, and the safety and security of marriage and home once the party ends. If he truly loved her, as he claims, he would not persist in a behavior that he knows makes her unhappy and uncomfortable.
She doesn't need dance lessons. He needs psychotherapy to find out why he continues this subtly sadistic, passive-aggressive behavior toward a woman who obviously loves him. -- SIOUX CITY READER
DEAR SIOUX CITY: You're not the only reader who thought I let the husband off the hook too easily. However, my impression was that the husband simply loved to dance, and his wife was reading more into his dance style than was warranted.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)