Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my early 20s. At the end of last summer, suffering from a broken heart, I took a trip to a beach resort where I met an attractive man and had a one-week fling. I know what I did was wrong.
As I was leaving, "Jordan" asked for my telephone number and promised he'd call me. He never did. Two months later, I discovered I was pregnant. I figured I'd better let Jordan know, so I tracked down his phone number (after some pretty extensive investigation), and called him shortly after Christmas.
I know he answered the phone, because he has a very distinctive voice. He was very rude to me, said I had a wrong number and hung up. I never got a chance to tell him about the baby.
Abby, I'm not looking for any support from this man, because I am financially well-off. I felt it was my moral obligation to inform Jordan that he is going to be a father.
Our baby is due soon. The ultrasound indicates it is most likely a girl. Part of me says, "Keep this little girl all to yourself. Jordan will only deny her anyway." Another part says, "Tell him and let him deal with it." I also worry about what I will tell my daughter when she is old enough to ask who her daddy is. Jordan is not good father material, so I may be doing my daughter a favor if I don't tell him.
Abby, please help. I am very ambivalent. -- TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL
DEAR TO TELL OR NOT TO TELL: Jordan has a right to know he is going to be a father. It remains to be seen whether or not he is "good father material." Since you had difficulty informing him by telephone, write him a letter. If he runs true to form, it will be the last communication between the two of you.
Although you may not want to be reminded, you could have avoided this problem had you practiced safe sex in the first place.
DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and would like to ask a girl to the senior prom. She is a junior, and wouldn't normally be able to go. The problem is, the prom is very expensive and I have no source of income. I have been saving from my small allowance for months, but have only managed to scrape together about $150. Tickets to the dance are $95, and by the time I rent a tux I'll be broke, if not in debt. My parents will not help me out. (Even if they offered, I don't think they could afford it.)
How can I ask her to go with me when I can't afford it? Please don't suggest that we do "free" things over the weekend, because the group of friends we want to go with have already made big plans -- expensive plans. If I could somehow tell her that we need to go dutch, that would make things more affordable.
I really don't want to ask her on the stipulation that we are to go as "just friends," because I think of her as more than that. Please help me, Abby. What should I do? -- PENNILESS FOR THE PROM
DEAR PENNILESS: It is unfortunate that what was once a carefree rite of passage that almost everyone could enjoy has become such an elaborate ritual that it is now beyond the means of many.
However, since that is the reality of the '90s, talk to the young lady and tell her exactly what you have told me. It's possible that she won't mind going dutch, and might even volunteer.
Readers, if you have found yourself in a similar situation and would like to tell me how you resolved it, I would appreciate your input.
DEAR ABBY: "Randall" and I divorced three years ago because of his infidelities. (We have one child -- a son -- who is now 7 years old.) Randall married the last of the women with whom he was involved during our marriage, and now he has instructed our son to call her "Mom."
When I confronted Randall about this, he denied that it was his idea. When I casually asked my son who encouraged him to call her "Mom," he replied, "Daddy did."
The latest absurdity is that Randall now refers to ME (when talking to our son) as "your biological mother." The boy lives with me, and I am the one who takes care of him on a daily basis and gets him to school, where I am a teacher. I read to him at night, take him to the doctor and dentist, and make sure he is well-groomed, fed and clothed properly. I am always there for him.
I have considered talking to Randall about this most recent label he is trying to assign to me, but he would be more likely to listen to someone other than myself regarding the possible damage and confusion to our son that could result from this behavior. -- MORE THAN A BIOLOGICAL MOM
DEAR MORE: Most experts agree that what the child calls the stepparent should be left up to the child. Forcing a child to use a name or title with which he or she is uncomfortable will only breed resentment and anger.
Insist that your ex-husband sit down with you and your son and explain that you are his "Mom" and his second wife is his stepmom, and he (your son) should choose a name to call her. Then check with her to be sure it's acceptable.
DEAR ABBY: Since moving to central Florida, I have run into an unusual practice -- multi-host cocktail parties. At first it was two or three; now it's up to five. These parties are held at a local club or condo rec room from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m. All five names and phone numbers are listed on the invitation for R.S.V.P.
I have attended several of these parties in the past, but because I am not close to all the hosts, I'm not completely comfortable doing so.
Should I write a thank-you note to each host, or just one to be passed around?
I entertain at home with no time limit on my parties. Am I obligated to reciprocate to all five hosts, or just the one I "think" invited me?
In essence, the whole concept of multi-host cocktail parties leaves me with mixed emotions. Your opinion and comments will be greatly appreciated. -- CURIOUS IN CENTRAL FLORIDA
DEAR CURIOUS: It is not necessary to write a thank-you note to all of the hosts. Write only to the person you know, and that you THINK invited you. However, in order to be sure, ask if he or she was responsible for your invitation. You do not have to reciprocate the hospitality of all of the hosts, only those who invited you.
I see nothing wrong with multi-host cocktail parties. They provide an opportunity to have a good time, and possibly make some new friends. You need not feel uncomfortable. You would not have been invited had you not been wanted.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Knowing Self Defense May Help Student Avoid a Fight
DEAR ABBY: Since the semester started, there have been 12 fights. I'm afraid someone will try to pick a fight with me just for the fun of it.
I have never had to fight before and never want to. I never start trouble, but if someone tries to pick a fight with me, I won't know what to do.
How do I avoid being in a fight without looking like a wimp or having to suck up to people? I don't want to back down in front of everyone either. Please help me. -- WORRIED IN TEXAS
DEAR WORRIED: It's time to sign up for some lessons in self-defense -- judo, boxing or tae kwon do -- so if you have to protect yourself you will be able to. You may never have to use what you learn, but having the know-how will build your confidence. Once you know you can defend yourself, you will appear less afraid. Bullies usually avoid people who are not afraid of them. They prefer easy targets. Good luck.
DEAR ABBY: I wonder if it would be too much to ask to have salespeople and other businesspeople speak a little more slowly and clearly? I wish there were something I could wear, like a pink button or something, to show that I can hear, but not very well. People who can't see have the white-tipped canes, so why not something for those of us who have difficulty hearing?
I have gone the route of hearing aids, but all they do is amplify the sound. They do nothing to clarify it.
Many large businesses like Sears, J.C. Penney, etc. employ young girls with accents who speak in very high-pitched tones that are impossible to hear, and they usually get angry if you ask them to repeat themselves.
It's just a thought, but if someone could think of a universal signal to let people know they have trouble hearing, a great number of people would thank you. -- BETTYE MEEKER, MCKENZIE BRIDGE, ORE.
DEAR BETTYE: Many people have some degree of hearing loss, which is nothing to be ashamed of. The solution to your problem would be to simply tell the salespeople (or strangers) that you have a slight hearing loss and would appreciate it if they would speak a little slower and more distinctly.
DEAR ABBY: I have noted several "random acts of kindness" mentioned in your column lately, and thought you might appreciate what we, as employee/owners of Phelps County Bank, are doing.
We are divided into 12 groups, and each group has been assigned a month with one day designated "Random Acts of Kindness Day." In January, the group went out to highway construction sites and served hot chocolate to the snow removal crews. The February group arrived early in the morning at the Veterans Hospital in St. James, Mo., and baked chocolate chip cookies and visited with the residents. Our March employee/owners went to the local fire stations and brought them goodies.
Every time a group goes out, the rest of us wear our "Random Acts of Kindness" shirts. It tells the citizens of Rolla that Phelps County Bank, their employee-owned community bank, is again thanking them for their support. It's a great way to help the community while contributing to it through public service. -- KAREN DOPHER, ROLLA, MO.
DEAR KAREN: Hats off to the employee/owners of Phelps County Bank! If I lived in Rolla, I'd put my money in your bank.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)