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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: My husband is 37 and I am 29. We have been married almost two years and are starting to look for a place to buy or build a home.

The problem is we have very different ideas about where we want to live. My husband prefers small towns, I prefer large ones. He likes seasons -- I hate the cold, etc.

We have been able to sit down several times to discuss this calmly and rationally, but we remain deadlocked. My husband wants to move back to his hometown to be near his friends and relatives, and refuses to budge even an inch. I am scared to death, because I have visited his hometown three times now and I've hated it every time.

I don't know what to do. Everyone I talk to tells me to stand up for my rights, but how can I when there is no compromise? Abby, please help me. -- STUCK AND SCARED

DEAR STUCK AND SCARED: Since your husband is inflexible, my advice is to rent a place in his hometown for a year. At the end of the year, if you are still unhappy and your husband is still unwilling to move, it may be necessary to re-evaluate your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: Thirty years ago you gave me some good advice on a bad situation, so here I am again.

My husband and I lived together for two years before we got married. During that time he would help me around the house, go grocery shopping with me, and even accompany me to church. After marriage, all that stopped.

We have been married for four years. Now I eat breakfast alone while he sleeps until noon. I grocery-shop alone, attend church alone (too early for him) and go to the senior center alone -- he is 70 years old and says the people there are "too old" for him. Oh, by the way, I also go to bed alone. He's decided we're too old for sex. All he does is eat, sleep and sit! I feel like I'm only a housekeeper. -- FED UP IN HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

DEAR FED UP: You and your husband are overdue for a heart-to-heart talk. The topic of conversation should be "What has happened to the charming, helpful, loving companion I married -- because I don't know or particularly like the person you've become." His response will tell you whether your marriage can be revived through counseling and mutual effort -- or whether you'd be better off without him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently took a date, her daughter and her daughter's friend to a bingo hall.

Well, with all the cards, markers, food, drink, etc., I was out about $90. On the very last game, my date won $500. I thought, "Great -- a free evening for me and she will still have $400!" Wrong! She said that it was her money, and she didn't give me a dime.

All my male friends said she should have split it with me, but my female friends said she was right to keep it all to herself.

Abby, what do you think was right? -- NO MORE BINGO DATES IN TEXAS

DEAR NO MORE BINGO DATES: A single mother who is raising a child might find it difficult to part with half of her unexpected windfall as your male friends suggested. However, she would have been gracious to have reimbursed you the $90 you spent for the evening.

Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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