For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Abdominal Aortic Aneurysm Is Ticking Time Bomb for Some
DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my husband's sister had a sonogram to check for a possible gynecological problem. What the doctor discovered was an abdominal aortic aneurysm (AAA) that was large enough for mandatory surgery.
Her doctor told her to notify any siblings that they, too, should have a sonogram. The unexpected result of my husband's examination stunned us all. Bill, too, had an abdominal aortic aneurysm!
Bill was monitored for one year, until the aneurysm surged significantly. The operation followed a month later. The doctor's insight about the genetic factor probably saved Bill's life.
Abby, please tell your readers that this type of aneurysm is hereditary. If a parent or sibling has had an aortic aneurysm, then all siblings and offspring should be examined. We have been advised that our son must be tested when he reaches age 50 and should continue to have a sonogram every five years thereafter.
The cause of aneurysms is unknown, although several risk factors -- notably hypertension, smoking and atherosclerosis -- could possibly contribute to their development and growth. They have been found to occur more frequently in males than in females. Abdominal aortic aneurysms are silent and usually deadly if not discovered before they rupture. Ruptures are preventable with continued use of ultrasonography and CT scanning.
I hope my letter will be a red alert to anyone whose family has a history of aneurysms. Check with your doctor. Don't put it off! And physicians who are unaware of this should consider including "family history of aneurysms" on their new patient forms. It could save lives. -- BARBARA AND BILL GOLDSMITH, SAVANNAH, GA.
DEAR BARBARA AND BILL: I'm sure your warning will serve as a wake-up call to anyone who has a family history of aortic aneurysms. And another plus is the fact that the test is painless and non-invasive. Thank you for a letter that is sure to be a lifesaver.
DEAR ABBY: For my mother-in-law's birthday, my husband and I gave her what I considered a nice gift.
A week later, she came to my office, handed me the gift and said, "You can have this back. I already have one."
I was dumbfounded, but managed to ask her if she didn't want to exchange it and pick out something else. She replied, "I'll think about it," and left with the gift.
That was two months ago, and so far I haven't heard another word about it. I think her behavior was another example of rude, covert emotional abuse -- always delivered with a smile -- which seems to be her pattern with me.
Do you think I am overreacting because I am angry about this situation? -- HURT
DEAR HURT: Whether you are overreacting or not depends on how much of yourself you invested in selecting a gift for a woman you think is emotionally abusive. Her behavior was certainly rude.
Since you don't know how your mother-in-law resolved the problem, ask her how she handled it. And on gift-giving occasions in the future, consider presenting her with a gift certificate enclosed in a lovely card. That way there will be no further duplications or disappointments.
Secret to Man's Trim Waist Is No Mystery Among Women
DEAR ABBY: I am a 42-year-old happily married man. About six years ago, my wife bought me a panty girdle to help me look a little trimmer. I had been trying to lose 15 or so pounds for almost a year without any success. My wife searched for a support garment designed for men and couldn't find anything, so she finally purchased a long-leg panty girdle with a high waist. I was reluctant at first, but eventually tried it on. It made a remarkable difference, holding in my potbelly and smoothing my love handles.
I now wear a panty girdle virtually every day and own several different brands. My wife is very helpful when I need to buy a new one. We both agree that it greatly improves my appearance.
So why do I have to worry so much that someone will discover my secret? Why is it OK for an overweight woman to wear something under her clothes to look trimmer, but for a man, it is weird?
I am not gay, and neither am I a cross-dresser, but I do wear what is considered a woman's undergarment. Either the manufacturers should start marketing a man's foundation garment or market their existing girdles for both men and women. I shouldn't have to be embarrassed by the fact that I need a little extra support to look good. I am sure I'm not the only man in the world who wears a panty girdle. What do you think? -- R.J. IN N.Y.
DEAR R.J.: If you feel secure wearing a panty girdle, more power to you. What people wear under their clothing is their business -- and nobody else's.
I have never heard of foundation garments for men, but you make a convincing argument in their favor.
DEAR ABBY: May I air a few gripes? Maybe someone will take notice.
I cringe when I see someone throw trash on the ground, or dump it out of a car window. I saw a lady in a new Mercedes dump her filled ashtray out the window at a stoplight. I honked my horn and gestured, but she ignored me and drove off.
I hate seeing people scream and hit their kids in public. I always wonder if they do that in public, what will they do when no one is looking?
Why can't schools teach courses in kindness, patience and manners?
Why do people buy dogs, then never take them on walks, never take them in the car when they go out, and make them languish in lonely backyards? Don't they know that dogs are pack animals who crave companionship and get bored just like humans?
Finally, I wish schools would start early on teaching kids that having babies is not the same as playing with dolls. Teach the difficult aspects. Show them how much money flies out the door when you have kids; teach them how exhausting it can be; let them see that if you have a kid when you are a kid, you are kissing your free-spirited, fun childhood goodbye, and saying hello to years and years of hard work. -- BIBI IN SAN DIEGO
DEAR BIBI: Lessons in kindness, manners, consideration for others and self-control should be taught in the home long before a child sets foot in school. But it may please you to know that in some high schools they are attempting to teach teens the responsibilities that parenthood entails. They "handcuff" automated dolls to students who are required to care for the "babies" day and night for one week. The dolls are programmed to cry at unpredictable intervals. I'm told that the program is very successful.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ADOPTED SON OF GAY DAD IS TIRED OF COMMENTS THAT HURT
DEAR ABBY: I am 11 years old. I'm in the sixth grade and I'm adopted. I don't have a mother, but I have two dads. My dad adopted me just after I turned 1 year old because my mother took drugs and didn't take care of me. My dad met his lover when I was 4, and we have lived together since I was 6.
The reason I am writing is for all the people who say bad things about my dad and me. It's usually not the kids at school, it's their parents and some of my teachers. They ask me if it bothers me that I was adopted by a gay man and don't have a mom. Well, it doesn't bother me -- only their questions bother me. I love my dad and he loves me. I have a godmother I see every couple of months and she's kind of like a mom to me.
Some people say that living with my dad is going to make me gay, but his parents raised him to be straight and he isn't. My dad was born gay and he can't change who he is. He says you either are or you aren't. He has never told me to like boys (or girls). He says when I am older, I will feel love for somebody, just like he loves John, just like my godmother loves her husband and just like my uncle loves his wife.
Abby, I know a lot of people read your column. Please print my letter so maybe people will think twice before they say hurtful things to people like me. Just because my family is a little different doesn't mean I'm not happy. The Bible even says you should not judge other people. -- HAPPILY ADOPTED IN ORLANDO, FLA.
DEAR HAPPILY ADOPTED: Thank you for a wonderful letter. There is an incredible amount of wisdom in that 11-year-old head of yours. May God continue to bless you.
DEAR ABBY: Per your recent request for examples of acts of kindness:
A Washington, D.C., man recently cleaned up and repainted a rusting and neglected police call box in front of his house. He was arrested for defacing government property!
A woman in the Midwest put a quarter in the parking meter of a total stranger. She was arrested for violating her town's parking laws.
A store owner on eastern Long Island put a sign in his window advertising the sale of pumpkins grown in his garden. He was arrested for violating some obscure zoning ordinance, and since his case has generated publicity, police and local officials have engaged in a campaign of harassment against him.
A public-spirited Chicago man who purchased an electric car to fight pollution is now engaged in a legal battle against the state motor vehicle officials, who claim that electric cars can't pass the required emissions test because they don't produce any emissions.
Who was it who said, "No good deed goes unpunished"? -- P.M. IN HICKSVILLE, N.Y.
DEAR P.M.: According to Brewer's Quotations, "No good deed goes unpunished" is attributed to Oscar Wilde.
I agree that on the face of it, the reactions of the authorities appear unjust. However, before I render a judgment, I would have to know more of the details.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)