Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WEDDING THANKS GET MIXED UP WHEN GIFTS LACK PROPER CARD
DEAR ABBY: The letter from the woman complaining about the value of a wedding gift reminded me of something that happened to us years ago.
My family declined an invitation to the wedding of a neighbor's son, but we sent a gift -- an expensive crystal bowl trimmed in sterling silver. We had it gift-wrapped and asked the salesperson to send it to the couple with our card.
A couple of months later, we received a note that said, "Thank you for the orange ashtray." We debated and finally decided not to embarrass the couple by correcting their error.
However, we've always feared that they thought we were cheap, and wonder if we should have corrected them.
Perhaps if you publish this, the couple will recognize themselves. They are mature enough by now to view this as a rather funny mixup, which is how we have come to look at it.
I would advise people who send gifts from stores to make sure their card is included inside the package, which we did not. -- CHARLES WELCOME, LOWER WATERFORD, VT.
DEAR CHARLES: Most establishments are conscientious when sending customers' packages, but mistakes do occur. Had you notified the store at the time, it would have contacted the recipients for you and informed them of the error. Now, will the person who sent the orange ashtray please identify yourself?
DEAR ABBY: Now you've gone and done it! For 52 years, I've started each morning with a hug, a kiss and an "I love you" for my wife. I've helped with the housework, complimented her looks and choice of clothes, and sent flowers on non-occasions. I wrote love letters instead of sending commercial cards and tried to fulfill her needs and desires.
Now you reveal, in your answer to "Saying Yes All the Time," that it was all a plot to bed my wife -- all the togetherness was a clever scheme to keep happiness in my bedroom.
Well, I'm guilty. My wife will be the first to acknowledge that. But the loving rewards, even in our twilight years, have been great. -- ALVIN H. LEVIN, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.
DEAR ALVIN: From the tone of your letter, I'd say there is happiness in every room of your house, and in every aspect of your marriage. Thank you for your delightful "confession." When this is published, Mrs. Levin will be envied by every wife in Scottsdale.
And you, Alvin, should be cloned.
DEAR ABBY: This is for Mavis E. Winter in Laguna Niguel and others who don't have time to brush their teeth before going to the dentist's office. Many years ago, before dentists wore rubber gloves while treating patients, my dentist told me what he did when patients said they didn't have time to brush. He would tell them, "That's OK. I didn't have time to wash my hands either!" -- STILL BRUSHING
CONFIDENTIAL TO "GOOD HOUSEKEEPER WANNABE" IN ITHACA, N.Y.: If you are always the first one to see the dirt, perhaps you ought to clean your glasses. (Abigail Van Buren).
Man's Visits to Nudist Club Reveal Problem to Girlfriend
DEAR ABBY: I have met a wonderful, sweet, caring man who says he loves me. He's honest, pulls no punches, is a hard worker and has many other good qualities. We are both divorced adults and we get along beautifully. I think he would make a great husband, but there's a problem: He is a nudist.
He spends one to two Sundays a month at his nudist club. He has invited me to accompany him, but he knows I'm very uncomfortable with this and will not go. He expects me to believe that he just enjoys the sun and is not going to look at other women. When I believe this, I'll show him my oceanfront property in Arizona!
Since we both work, it is difficult for us to see each other during the week. As far as I'm concerned, he's made it clear that he values his Sundays at the nudist club more than he values time with me. I love him, but I can't handle this nudist business, and I'm about ready to call it quits. -- DISGUSTED IN FLORIDA
DEAR DISGUSTED: Contrary to what you believe, most nudists do not go to their clubs to stare at others. Nudist clubs have rules against gawking and other inappropriate behavior. Nevertheless, the lifestyle is not for everyone. If you are not comfortable joining your boyfriend on his Sunday visits to the nudist camp and are unhappy about his going without you, it is doubtful that you are headed for a happy relationship, no matter what wonderful qualities the man may possess.
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from Hugo Borreson who said that the civil rights movement in the 1960s "reminds us of how violent white Christians really are." He also includes some 5,000 lynchings that have taken place in history as a supportive example of white Christians' brutality.
It is true that there have been atrocities committed over the centuries by those who call themselves Christians. It is also true that Christianity teaches nonviolence and love toward your neighbor (and your enemy, for that matter). But it is absolutely not true that simply calling yourself a Christian means that you are one.
The Bible says that we will know a Christian by his actions. The traits listed in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) are demonstrated in the Christian. Do you think that the so-called "Christians" responsible for the 5,000 lynchings in history fit this description?
Those who call themselves Christians but do not live like it are often called hypocrites, and rightly so. However, the presence of hypocrites does not discredit the Christian faith. Rather, it brings shame to those who stoop so low as to say one thing and do another. -- VANESSA HARIKUL, 16, MOORPARK, CALIF.
DEAR ABBY: In a recent response, you asked -- perhaps quixotically -- "How do you say 'Your solution was better than mine' in Latin?"
Try: "Explicatio tua est melior quam mea." -- LETHA COTE, PALM SPRINGS (FORMER LATIN TEACHER)
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Adopted Daughter Resents Being Labeled as Not 'Real'
DEAR ABBY: Recently in a department store, I overheard a conversation between two women that made my blood boil. One woman identified a neighbor by saying, "The one with the adopted son."
Abby, I am 42 years old and was adopted at birth. My adoptive mother was the nurse assisting in the delivery, and my adoptive father was also present at birth. In fact, while anxiously waiting to see his new daughter, Dad slipped and fell, so we joke, "Dad sure fell for his daughter."
My loving parents told me early on that I was adopted and did it in such a way that I felt adopted meant "special" and "handpicked."
Perhaps the comment hit a nerve because my aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family often referred to my brother and me as "Marvin and Ethel's adopted kids." My parents and grandparents were never guilty of using that unnecessary adjective.
Does "adopted" mean "less than"? Am I less of a daughter because someone else gave birth to me? Even at my grandmother's funeral, I was mentioned as her "adopted granddaughter." Sadly, my extended family still, after all these years, treats me as though I am not part of the "real" family.
Abby, the purpose of my letter is to let people know they do damage by distinguishing between "the adopted kids" and "the kids." The mother and father who adopted me, fed me, clothed me and disciplined me were my parents, and our family is as "real" as the families into which other children are "born." I would be proud to have you use my name. -- MARVA BOEHM MASON, HOUSTON
DEAR MARVA: Your point is well taken. Once children are adopted, they "belong" to the parents as much as children who are born into the family. Not everyone who describes family members as "adopted" means to be cruel, and they probably do not realize how upsetting it can be to a child. I hope your letter will cause those who have adopted relatives to think twice before making a verbal distinction.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 9-year-old girl who's in the third grade, and I have a problem. My dad has not visited me in 4 1/2 years, and he has not called me since July of 1996.
I tried to call him a while back, but his phone was disconnected. I don't understand why he doesn't try to contact me.
I wish he knew how I feel so maybe he would change his mind and try to get in touch with me. I love my dad very much. I hope he reads this letter. -- MISSING MY DAD IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING: Sadly, there are many children who, like you, are longing to hear from their absent father or mother. Some adults forget that children are capable of understanding almost anything if they are given the opportunity. One phone call or letter that explains why the parent cannot stay in close contact at the moment will do wonders toward putting a child's mind at ease.
I, too, hope your father (and all the other parents to whom this applies) sees your letter and realizes how important it is that he call or write to you.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)