DEAR ABBY: In a recent response, you asked -- perhaps quixotically -- "How do you say 'Your solution was better than mine' in Latin?"
Try: "Explicatio tua est melior quam mea." -- LETHA COTE, PALM SPRINGS (FORMER LATIN TEACHER)
DEAR ABBY: In a recent response, you asked -- perhaps quixotically -- "How do you say 'Your solution was better than mine' in Latin?"
Try: "Explicatio tua est melior quam mea." -- LETHA COTE, PALM SPRINGS (FORMER LATIN TEACHER)
DEAR ABBY: I have met a wonderful, sweet, caring man who says he loves me. He's honest, pulls no punches, is a hard worker and has many other good qualities. We are both divorced adults and we get along beautifully. I think he would make a great husband, but there's a problem: He is a nudist.
He spends one to two Sundays a month at his nudist club. He has invited me to accompany him, but he knows I'm very uncomfortable with this and will not go. He expects me to believe that he just enjoys the sun and is not going to look at other women. When I believe this, I'll show him my oceanfront property in Arizona!
Since we both work, it is difficult for us to see each other during the week. As far as I'm concerned, he's made it clear that he values his Sundays at the nudist club more than he values time with me. I love him, but I can't handle this nudist business, and I'm about ready to call it quits. -- DISGUSTED IN FLORIDA
DEAR DISGUSTED: Contrary to what you believe, most nudists do not go to their clubs to stare at others. Nudist clubs have rules against gawking and other inappropriate behavior. Nevertheless, the lifestyle is not for everyone. If you are not comfortable joining your boyfriend on his Sunday visits to the nudist camp and are unhappy about his going without you, it is doubtful that you are headed for a happy relationship, no matter what wonderful qualities the man may possess.
DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from Hugo Borreson who said that the civil rights movement in the 1960s "reminds us of how violent white Christians really are." He also includes some 5,000 lynchings that have taken place in history as a supportive example of white Christians' brutality.
It is true that there have been atrocities committed over the centuries by those who call themselves Christians. It is also true that Christianity teaches nonviolence and love toward your neighbor (and your enemy, for that matter). But it is absolutely not true that simply calling yourself a Christian means that you are one.
The Bible says that we will know a Christian by his actions. The traits listed in Galatians 5:22-23 (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control) are demonstrated in the Christian. Do you think that the so-called "Christians" responsible for the 5,000 lynchings in history fit this description?
Those who call themselves Christians but do not live like it are often called hypocrites, and rightly so. However, the presence of hypocrites does not discredit the Christian faith. Rather, it brings shame to those who stoop so low as to say one thing and do another. -- VANESSA HARIKUL, 16, MOORPARK, CALIF.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Recently in a department store, I overheard a conversation between two women that made my blood boil. One woman identified a neighbor by saying, "The one with the adopted son."
Abby, I am 42 years old and was adopted at birth. My adoptive mother was the nurse assisting in the delivery, and my adoptive father was also present at birth. In fact, while anxiously waiting to see his new daughter, Dad slipped and fell, so we joke, "Dad sure fell for his daughter."
My loving parents told me early on that I was adopted and did it in such a way that I felt adopted meant "special" and "handpicked."
Perhaps the comment hit a nerve because my aunts, uncles and cousins from both sides of the family often referred to my brother and me as "Marvin and Ethel's adopted kids." My parents and grandparents were never guilty of using that unnecessary adjective.
Does "adopted" mean "less than"? Am I less of a daughter because someone else gave birth to me? Even at my grandmother's funeral, I was mentioned as her "adopted granddaughter." Sadly, my extended family still, after all these years, treats me as though I am not part of the "real" family.
Abby, the purpose of my letter is to let people know they do damage by distinguishing between "the adopted kids" and "the kids." The mother and father who adopted me, fed me, clothed me and disciplined me were my parents, and our family is as "real" as the families into which other children are "born." I would be proud to have you use my name. -- MARVA BOEHM MASON, HOUSTON
DEAR MARVA: Your point is well taken. Once children are adopted, they "belong" to the parents as much as children who are born into the family. Not everyone who describes family members as "adopted" means to be cruel, and they probably do not realize how upsetting it can be to a child. I hope your letter will cause those who have adopted relatives to think twice before making a verbal distinction.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 9-year-old girl who's in the third grade, and I have a problem. My dad has not visited me in 4 1/2 years, and he has not called me since July of 1996.
I tried to call him a while back, but his phone was disconnected. I don't understand why he doesn't try to contact me.
I wish he knew how I feel so maybe he would change his mind and try to get in touch with me. I love my dad very much. I hope he reads this letter. -- MISSING MY DAD IN MICHIGAN
DEAR MISSING: Sadly, there are many children who, like you, are longing to hear from their absent father or mother. Some adults forget that children are capable of understanding almost anything if they are given the opportunity. One phone call or letter that explains why the parent cannot stay in close contact at the moment will do wonders toward putting a child's mind at ease.
I, too, hope your father (and all the other parents to whom this applies) sees your letter and realizes how important it is that he call or write to you.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with a kind and generous man for four years. We have a child together who is now 16 months old. We are not married because he is still married to his first wife.
"Joe" and his wife have filed for divorce and all that remains to finalize it are their signatures. However, when I asked him about it, he gave me excuses such as it would ruin him financially, or they must remain together for the sake of their two children. He said that his youngest daughter is afraid that if he and her mother got divorced, she will never see him again. Both Joe and his wife want the divorce, but the decree just sits there unsigned. I don't understand his procrastination because I am sure he wants to be married to me and be a full-time father to our child.
Joe is a very good father to our baby and a wonderful lover, but I want him to be more than that -- I want him to be my husband.
Abby, do you think if I'm patient Joe will eventually finalize his divorce and marry me? -- WAITING PATIENTLY
DEAR WAITING: I'm sorry to burst your bubble, but if Joe really wanted to marry you, he would not be offering weak excuses and leaving the divorce papers unsigned. It appears that he wants to have his cake and eat it, too.
It may not be easy for you to face reality, but the sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to liberate yourself from this hopeless situation and find someone who is free to marry you.
DEAR ABBY: I am a very conservative parent when it comes to men. I never dated any young man except the one who became my husband.
I have a 19-year-old daughter who lives on campus at her college. I always encouraged her to be a good girl like me.
She recently came home for a college break, and in her room, I found a year-old receipt from a motel. On it was her name and that of a boy she was dating at the time. She now has another boyfriend.
Abby, should I confront her with the receipt or pretend I don't know anything? -- CONSERVATIVE MOM
DEAR CONSERVATIVE MOM: I would advise against confronting your daughter with the motel receipt. She's an adult and has the right to make her own decisions. I hope that in addition to telling your daughter that she should be a "good girl" like you, while she was still a minor and living with you, you discussed sex with its implications and dangers. Teens often fail to accept a parent's admonition unless it is backed up with good reasons. The lessons you taught her while she was growing up will help her to make wise choices now that she is an adult.
DEAR ABBY: Your answer to "Upset Mother Down South," the woman who was concerned because her daughter's husband failed to acknowledge birthdays, Valentine's Day and other "special occasions" with a card, was right on the money.
My husband rarely thinks to send flowers or cards on those special occasions. However, he does remember Dec. 23 as the day of our first date. He can even remember the table at which we sat and the movie we saw before dinner. He can recite dates, times and the clothes I wore on occasions special to just the two of us. He also remembers the details associated with each child's birth.
Even though I am not "remembered" on the special dates printed on calendars, I feel very loved. After all, those dates were chosen by our government, our religious institutions and the greeting card companies. They do not automatically carry personal significance. Perhaps women who are upset by what their husbands forget should listen to what they remember. -- RITA SEIFERT, CINCINNATI
DEAR RITA: You have your priorities well organized, and you said it very well. When a couple loves and cherishes each other, every day is Thanksgiving and every night is New Year's Eve.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)