What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WOMAN'S FAMILY AND FRIENDS HELP HEAL HER CANCER WOUNDS
DEAR ABBY: I was upset by the letter from the woman who was upset because her sister-in-law and mother announced to friends that she had breast cancer. Her anger will not help her through her ordeal.
Last year I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Because of the short time frame (I found out on Wednesday and a radical mastectomy was performed on Friday), I had time to alert only my immediate family and two close friends. When the members of my church and all my other friends found out, their outpouring of love and prayers speeded my healing process. Without the love, understanding and help of my family and friends, my recovery would have been less rapid.
A member of a breast cancer support group called and invited me to a meeting. These new friends have provided me with emotional support that only a survivor could give; their sense of humor in the face of life-threatening illness cannot be rivaled. They have the latest news on medicines and techniques. We have speakers on all subjects relating to cancer.
Because I informed my friends about my cancer, at least one called her doctor immediately and scheduled the mammogram she had been postponing. Another friend was just beginning radiation, and since I had already started mine, I was able to tell her what to expect.
Breast cancer has opened up a whole new world for me -- a world of positives, because life may be too short to worry about the negatives.
Be proud that you survived. Reach out to others and let them reach out to you. With insurance companies reluctant to fund reconstructive surgery, we need as many people as we can get to fight for our side. You may use my name. -- JO ANN C. WALL, CHESAPEAKE, VA.
DEAR JO ANN: You have my sympathy for the ordeal you have experienced, and there is little doubt your positive attitude has played an important role in your recovery.
Early detection is critical in managing breast cancer, as many readers reminded me after I printed the letter from "Hurting in Kansas." A young woman from Cincinnati said it best:
DEAR ABBY: I am a 28-year-old female, writing to you in the hope that my story might save or prolong the lives of other young women.
On Dec. 26, 1996, just two days before my wedding, I found a small lump in my right breast. Because of the chaos of the holidays and family members arriving from out of town, I decided to say nothing and to pursue no action at that time. A week later, on our honeymoon, I showed the lump to my husband and expressed my concern. We agreed I would have it looked at upon our return.
I have since had a lumpectomy and auxiliary lymph nodes removed (some of the nodes were positive), and begun intensive high-dose chemotherapy with radiation treatments to follow. My outlook is very positive and I feel certain I can win this battle.
I am not writing for sympathy. I'm writing to alert your readers that this could happen to them, and to make them more aware of their role in early detection. Breast cancer does not run in my family. My mother, aunt, sister and cousins are all older than I and have never had an incident. Many physicians do not advise young women of their risk of breast cancer, and the majority of my friends don't know how to do breast self-examinations. No one is concerned until a woman is over 40, and even then there's some controversy regarding the effectiveness of mammograms.
This is not a disease that cares how old you are. Please, Abby, implore your women readers over 20 to do self-checks, have an annual examination by a physician, and begin mammographies early if they feel they are at risk. -- GINGER KELLY, CINCINNATI
DEAR GINGER: No need to implore my readers; you just did, and most effectively. Thank you for writing, and best wishes for a full and speedy recovery.
OPEN YOUR HEART AND HOME TO PET FROM ANIMAL SHELTER
DEAR ABBY: This year the Pet Adoptathon '97 -- that lifesaving spring weekend when animal organizations join together to find a home for each and every pet in shelters throughout the world -- will take place May 3 and 4. Once again, North Shore Animal League and the Iams Co. are sponsoring this international event in shelters and humane societies throughout the United States, Canada, England and South America.
All participating shelters and North Shore Animal League's most famous adoptees -- Scarlett and her kittens -- issue this urgent plea to animal lovers everywhere: Visit your local Adoptathon shelter on May 3 or 4, and adopt a loving dog, cat, puppy or kitten. You'll receive a free Iams starter kit, which includes pet food as well as literature on responsible pet ownership. But best of all, you'll get a lifetime of companionship and unconditional love from a cute and cuddly furry friend.
For the name of a shelter near you, call the Adoptathon hotline: 1-800-863-4267, Monday through Saturday, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. EDT. You can also visit us at www.iams.com. -- MIKE ARMS, NORTH SHORE ANIMAL LEAGUE, PORT WASHINGTON, N.Y.
DEAR MIKE: The Pet Adoptathon is a worthy program, but I must issue a word of caution:
Readers: Before you rush out to adopt that adorable little pet who is guaranteed to give you boundless love, please take a moment to be sure you are ready to make a commitment that will last for many years.
Pets are wonderful, but they require proper care and attention, and many require training to be the pleasurable companions you may be seeking. If you are ready for this responsibility, get to the shelter early and select the pet who was born to be loved by you!
DEAR ABBY: I am an extremely pampered pet who was deeply offended by the letter written by "Dogged Out in South Carolina," who wondered how to deal with people who treat their pets as members of the family. Please remind her that pets ARE members of the family. According to the dictionary, a pet is "an animal kept for amusement or companionship," or "a person especially loved or indulged." I am sure I speak for all pets when I say that we prefer the second definition.
Perhaps "Dogged Out" should treat the animals she describes as she would other people. Would she allow another person to lick her child's face? Absolutely not! Would she permit a fellow human to push his nose into her dinner plate? I think not. I'm sure she would not hesitate to ask someone not to use a particular piece of furniture. So why should she not make her feelings known to us? Tell us what you want, Lady -- while we are incredibly intelligent, we're not psychic.
My family is wonderful. I have a busy social calendar, plenty of good food, a warm bed (I sleep with the family, under the covers with my head on a pillow, thank you very much), and lots of love and affection. In return, I show them unconditional love and devotion. I provide them with comfort in times of need, keep them amused (they really seem to enjoy tossing my toys and having me retrieve them -- go figure), and make them proud with my charming antics and natural beauty. How many humans give each other that kind of devotion?
My advice to "Dogged Out" is to treat us like the companions we are. We'll all get along much better that way. -- CHLOE, A NEW JERSEY PAMPERED PET
P.S. While I am extremely literate, my owner had to type this for me, as my paws do not reach the keyboard.
DEAR CHLOE: You may be pampered, but you are also well-bred and good-mannered and a credit to responsible canine owners (or should I say family members?) everywhere.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Paternity Suit Fades Away in Light of Paternity Test
DEAR ABBY: I am writing to tell your readers to always consult an attorney when dealing with paternity issues.
Out of the blue, we were hit with a suit to pay support for a child who is 12 years old. The woman listed as the mother was someone my husband had dated for one week. Needless to say, he was stunned. The state wanted back support to the tune of $15,000, plus future support and medical insurance. My husband didn't know what to think, but I was fighting mad. We have a child of our own and another on the way.
I contacted an attorney in the state where the suit had been filed to learn what our rights were. He told us to insist on a paternity test. The state readily agreed (they were sure my husband was the father), and they even paid for the test.
The test was done and we waited. A couple of months later, we received a letter telling us that my husband was not the father, and the lawsuit was dismissed.
We were greatly relieved, but my heart breaks for the child who has been lied to for 12 years about who his father is.
Please urge your readers to insist on a paternity test. Regardless of how it turns out, everyone needs to know the truth. -- PUT TO THE TEST IN PORTLAND, ORE.
DEAR PUT: If a man is asked to support a child he is not sure is his, he should insist on a paternity test. This test is the only way to establish that a man is (or is not) the biological father.
An attorney is always helpful when dealing with paternity issues, but not always necessary. Your physician can refer you to a laboratory that performs paternity (or parentage) testing.
DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are retired senior citizens. We occasionally like to take short trips, and we don't have to answer to anyone or worry about anything when we leave home.
On our recent anniversary (45th), our daughter and her family gave us a housebroken poodle, which they had purchased for themselves two months ago. (They live only two houses from us, so we knew about the dog and thought she was adorable.)
When my daughter gave us the dog, I told her I absolutely did not want the responsibility. I was really upset and made myself quite clear. Well, my wife, just to keep peace in the family, said that she would take care of the dog, so we kept her. And guess who is taking care of her?
Abby, was I wrong about the way I felt -- and still feel? My wife thinks that there wasn't anything wrong with giving us this unexpected gift, but I am about ready to say, "It's either the dog or me!"
Please tell me what you think about this, but do not use my name, initials or location. -- IN THE DOGHOUSE
DEAR IN THE DOGHOUSE: Your wife had no business accepting the dog, knowing that you did not want the responsibility of caring for a pet. Ask your veterinarian if he or she knows a family who would like to adopt your adorable poodle.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)