DEAR ABBY: I am an extremely pampered pet who was deeply offended by the letter written by "Dogged Out in South Carolina," who wondered how to deal with people who treat their pets as members of the family. Please remind her that pets ARE members of the family. According to the dictionary, a pet is "an animal kept for amusement or companionship," or "a person especially loved or indulged." I am sure I speak for all pets when I say that we prefer the second definition.
Perhaps "Dogged Out" should treat the animals she describes as she would other people. Would she allow another person to lick her child's face? Absolutely not! Would she permit a fellow human to push his nose into her dinner plate? I think not. I'm sure she would not hesitate to ask someone not to use a particular piece of furniture. So why should she not make her feelings known to us? Tell us what you want, Lady -- while we are incredibly intelligent, we're not psychic.
My family is wonderful. I have a busy social calendar, plenty of good food, a warm bed (I sleep with the family, under the covers with my head on a pillow, thank you very much), and lots of love and affection. In return, I show them unconditional love and devotion. I provide them with comfort in times of need, keep them amused (they really seem to enjoy tossing my toys and having me retrieve them -- go figure), and make them proud with my charming antics and natural beauty. How many humans give each other that kind of devotion?
My advice to "Dogged Out" is to treat us like the companions we are. We'll all get along much better that way. -- CHLOE, A NEW JERSEY PAMPERED PET
P.S. While I am extremely literate, my owner had to type this for me, as my paws do not reach the keyboard.
DEAR CHLOE: You may be pampered, but you are also well-bred and good-mannered and a credit to responsible canine owners (or should I say family members?) everywhere.