For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Hair Stylist Without a Clue Gives Unkindest Cut of All
DEAR ABBY: I am sitting here half-bald after a horrendous trip to two hairdressers. The first did such a terrible job that I was forced to go elsewhere to get my hairdo repaired.
I went to the first salon for a simple trim. Although I explained what I wanted and even showed a picture to the hairdresser, I had the uneasy feeling she didn't understand. At that point, however, my hair had already been washed and I felt as though I had no choice but to go through with the haircut.
When she was finished, I was left with a disaster on my head. My hair was much shorter than I'd requested, with two thin layers that didn't blend together. I looked ridiculous and the hairdresser knew it. She asked me if I wanted her to take a little more off the top to help blend the layers, but I quickly said no. She charged me $24, which I reluctantly paid. I then had to pay more money to correct the disaster on my head.
After hours of combing, curling and crying, I am turning to you for advice. Can you help me and others like me by answering: After getting a "bad vibe" from a stylist, is it socially acceptable to refuse service (even after he/she has washed your hair)? What is the best way to find out what a stylist's concept of an inch is? If you are dissatisfied with your haircut, can you refuse to pay for it? -- ALL CHOPPED UP AND NO PLACE TO GO
DEAR ALL CHOPPED UP: You have my sympathy. If it's any comfort, your experience is not that uncommon.
Clear communication is the key. You should discuss your expectations in advance, and make sure they are clearly understood before any work is done on your hair. If you are uneasy, you can leave at any time, even if your hair has already been shampooed. You should not have to pay for anything that is not satisfactory. Reputable salons will not insist that you do.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 50-year-old housewife. After 31 years of marriage, my husband suddenly asked me for a divorce.
Over the years he has given me some very nice pieces of jewelry. I don't want to sell any of it unless I really need the money. It has a lot of sentimental value. Besides, I have seven daughters, two daughters-in-law and several granddaughters whom I would like eventually to inherit my jewelry.
My quandary is this: I would like to continue wearing these pieces occasionally. I also want to continue to wear my wedding rings since, to my way of thinking, I am still bound by the marriage vows we took (twice).
Is there any etiquette governing my situation? -- WONDERING IN TEXAS
DEAR WONDERING: You may continue to wear all of your jewelry in any manner you wish. However, you are still a relatively young woman, and divorced women who entertain the idea of someday marrying again often have the stones from their wedding and engagement rings reset into another kind of ring, which they wear on their right hand.
You would be wise to specify which pieces of jewelry you would like each family member to have. I urge you to consult a lawyer and put it in writing.
MOM PREDICTS BITTER HARVEST FOR MAN SOWING WILD OATS
DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading your column, as I do every day in my local paper. I have always found you to give wise, pertinent advice. However, your advice to "Scared in Denver" is way out of line! Never would I suggest to anyone, male or female, to give permission to the other "companion" (for lack of a better word) to "sow his or her wild oats" and then feel welcome to return to that relationship for any reason.
How about if the shoe were on the other foot and the lady in this relationship asked the man if she could sow her wild oats? Personally, I'd tell this young man, "Adios, and don't let the door hit you on your way out!"
I realize that he didn't mention that any sexual activity would be included in this "sowing"; however, it might be something to think about with all the incurable diseases that are out in "the wild oat fields." Please reconsider your advice, Abby. -- MOTHER OF TWO DAUGHTERS IN LAKE PANASOFFKEE, FLA.
DEAR MOTHER: I did NOT give permission to anyone to sow his (or her) wild oats! I said, "If you are seriously considering marriage to a young man who's asking for permission to sow his wild oats, I advise you to postpone the wedding until he is completely done. That way, you won't have to pray for a crop failure."
DEAR ABBY: I was a dental hygienist for 22 years and have been a practicing dentist for three years, so I feel qualified to respond to the hygienist who was disturbed by those who failed to brush their teeth before appointments.
Our job as oral health-care providers is not to judge our patients, but rather to relate to them as individuals and educate and motivate them to achieve better oral health.
Part of the hygienist's or dentist's job is providing proper brushing and flossing instructions. When my patients apologize for not having brushed before an appointment, I respond, "Relax. You're about to get a deluxe brushing," and I proceed to demonstrate proper techniques.
The hygienist who complained is probably burned out with her job and should either re-evaluate why she is a dental hygienist or choose another career. -- MICHELLE LEPAGE, D.D.S., LEE'S SUMMIT, MO.
DEAR DR. LEPAGE: Wise advice -- from the horse's mouth. (No offense, Doctor!)
DEAR ABBY: Although this is too late for St. Valentine's Day, I offer this romantic story:
At a party, I danced with a beautiful Irish girl named Marie. I nuzzled her long black hair, and when the number was over, we discovered that my chewing gum had become stuck in her hair. We had to get scissors to cut it out.
We married a year later and have stuck together for 55 happy years. -- ALBERT BELZER, VERO BEACH, FLA.
DEAR ALBERT: My readers always enjoy a love story with a happy ending. Congratulations to you and your bride for more than half a century of happy marriage.
DEAR ABBY: I read your column in which you advised people to be careful who they speak Spanish in front of because you never know who can understand you.
I would like to add, "Be careful speaking any foreign language because you never know who can understand it."
I have a granddaughter who was raised in Saudi Arabia. She now goes to college in South Carolina and is a food server part-time.
She was serving some people who were speaking Arabic among themselves. One person said, "The vegetables don't look fresh to me." My granddaughter said, "Oh, yes, the vegetables are fresh; I just cut them up this morning!"
Were those people ever surprised! -- IMPRESSED GRANDMA
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
POWER OF ATTORNEY CAN RELIEVE STRESS OF FAMILY EMERGENCY
DEAR ABBY: I am writing this letter to suggest that your readers think about giving a power of attorney to a trusted relative to be used in case of emergency. This is especially important for single adults.
The cost of having this document prepared is relatively inexpensive compared to what you will pay if someone must petition for guardianship.
I speak from experience. My father suffered a major stroke that left him totally incapacitated. Legally I could not even stop his mail without a power of attorney, let alone access his checking account to pay his bills, cancel his apartment lease or admit him to a nursing home.
I was forced to initiate guardianship proceedings that were costly, stressful and time-consuming. The cost for our simple uncontested guardianship was $3,000. -- SUSAN
DEAR SUSAN: Good advice. None of us knows when an emergency may arise when we will need the help of someone to take care of our financial affairs until such time as we can resume responsibility. NOTE: Powers of attorney are not necessarily permanent. They can be revoked any time you wish.
DEAR ABBY: As a flight attendant for a major airline for the past 16 years, I have dealt with people from all walks of life. I sincerely strive to make each passenger's flight enjoyable, and I feel compassion for those who are physically or mentally challenged, elderly, and children traveling alone.
For the past five years I have struggled with a weight problem and have been working hard to regain my self-esteem and healthy physique. My sensitive nature has been sorely challenged with comments from well-meaning individuals, due to my weight. Remarks such as, "When are you due?" "How much do you weigh?" and "How much longer do you have before you go on maternity leave?" hurt me deeply.
Abby, can you suggest an appropriate response to such comments? Regaining my self-worth has become crucial, and I must discover a way to continue my job as a flight attendant without further damage to my self-esteem. -- HURTING IN CINCINNATI
DEAR HURTING: The most appropriate response to questions about your pregnancy would be, "I'm not pregnant." People who make insulting comments about your weight are cruel, but if you appear to be pregnant when you are not, take it as a wake-up call.
I urge you to seriously consider a diet and exercise program immediately. Please, make your first order of business a call to your physician, requesting a referral to a dietitian registered with the American Dietetic Association.
DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I are having a disagreement and hope you will settle it.
We have both been married before. For my first marriage, I wore a plain dress because we were married at the courthouse by a judge. I was told that a bride could never wear white at her wedding if she had been married before. My boyfriend says I can. What do you think? -- GETTING MARRIED SOON
DEAR GETTING MARRIED: Wear whatever makes you happy. Traditionally, first-time brides wore white. But nowadays brides wear whatever they want when they walk down the aisle. Brides have been known to marry in everything from bathing suits to fur coats -- to nothing at all!
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)