To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Stranger's Generosity Ends Couple's Vacation Nightmare
DEAR ABBY: You asked for acts of kindness. Well, here is mine:
In June of last year, my husband and I went to Germany and Austria on vacation. While we were in Austria, my husband stumbled and fell, breaking his hip, which required hospitalization and surgery. I remained by his side in the recovery room until I was asked to leave at 1 a.m. I have never felt so alone.
The next morning, the bad luck continued. In my haste to get back to the hospital, I accidentally locked our hotel room key and the car keys in the trunk of our rented car. When I finally located a locksmith, he charged $103 to unlock the trunk because it was on a Saturday.
My husband spent the next two weeks in the hospital in Salzburg, recovering enough to withstand the 14-hour flight back to our home.
When my husband was finally discharged, the hospital demanded payment in cash, as did the ambulance company. The airline also insisted on cash to pay for the upgrade in seats necessary to make my husband comfortable on our flight home. We had prepaid for our vacation and didn't have a great deal of cash with us, so I had to go from bank to bank to get cash advances from our credit cards. It was difficult because on one day the computer would process the transaction, but the next day for some reason, it wouldn't -- "trouble on the phone lines," we were told. The language barrier made things doubly difficult.
It was in Frankfurt, Germany, however, where the real trouble occurred. My husband, who was in a wheelchair, had to wait for me around the corner down a long hallway while I tried in vain to pay for the upgrade with our credit cards. I argued, pleaded and begged to see an airline representative or someone from the American Embassy, but the ticket agent wouldn't budge. I feared we were stranded.
As luck would have it, a gentleman standing in the next line turned and asked me what the trouble was.
I told him how we couldn't get home after all the difficulty we'd been through. He opened his wallet, then handed me 50 $100 bills! My mouth hung open in total shock. He took my name and address, gave me his business card, and went on his way.
Out of possibly 6 billion people on this planet, what were my chances of a Good Samaritan with that much cash standing next to me offering that kind of help? I believe the stranger was an angel in disguise.
I want to thank him publicly. His name is Charan Kumar. Your readers might like to know that there are still some very kind and generous people in this world. -- JUDY PRINCE, FRESNO, CALIF.
DEAR JUDY PRINCE: Your letter is a dandy day-brightener. Thanks for a valuable addition to this column!
DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking about writing to you for a long time to share a memory about my mother, who lived to be 93 years old.
She spent the last seven years of her life with my husband and me. Every morning we had breakfast together and read the newspaper. Our favorite column was "Dear Abby."
One morning I glanced up and saw a small curl of smoke rising from the section of the newspaper she was reading. I thought, "Abby must have a hot article in her column today!"
The source of the smoke soon became apparent. Mother's eyesight was poor, and she was using a magnifying glass to read. The sun was shining through the window and the angle was just right for the rays to pass through the magnifying glass onto the paper. She was so engrossed in your column that at first she didn't notice the heat was burning a hole in the newspaper!
Needless to say, I corrected the problem immediately. -- MAY FREISINGER, MISSION VIEJO, CALIF.
DEAR MAY: I've taken a lot of heat for some of the letters I've printed, but nothing like what you've described. Thanks for sharing the memory.
Family Trip of a Lifetime Has Trouble Getting Off the Ground
DEAR ABBY: My parents have invited my wife and me and my two sisters and their families on a 12-day cruise at their expense. They have never made such a trip before, and my father's declining health may make traveling impossible in the future. Both my wife and I get along with my parents very well. We see them once or twice a year.
Our problem: They have invited only grandchildren who are more than 6 years of age. There are many reasons: Small children would make the trip less relaxing for everyone; there are a variety of programs for children aged 6 and older, but not younger; the cabins accommodate only groups of four; and younger children wouldn't remember the trip anyway.
My wife and I would be taking two of our children and leaving two -- ages 2 and 4 -- at home. One of my sisters would be leaving two of her four children at home, and my other sister would be leaving both of hers. We have a very reliable friend who has taken care of all of our children when my wife and I have gone away together (for as long as six days), so that's not the issue.
I see this as a wonderful opportunity. Our older children would have the time of their lives, and while I'd miss the younger ones, I also know they would be just fine. My wife, however, feels it would be difficult for the 4-year-old. Although neither of us feels he would suffer permanent emotional scars, my wife says she wouldn't enjoy the trip if she had to worry about him. She feels put on the spot by my parents by being forced either to be the party pooper or to do something she feels uncomfortable about.
She says it would be much easier on the 4-year-old if we took none of the children, but I would love to share this experience with the older ones. She has offered to stay home while I take the older two, but I like that idea even less.
The issue has been tabled for the last three months, but our positions have not changed. I'm unwilling to concede that the trip, as planned, needs to be scrapped. She's unwilling to concede that it would be no big deal to leave the two younger children at home.
How should this be resolved? -- ONE FAMILY'S FORTUNE
DEAR FORTUNE: Since your father's health is such that this might be the only time a special family reunion is possible, I would hate to see you scrap the trip. Events like this add to the richness of family lore, from which all family members will benefit. Children understand that there are special privileges that come with being older, just as there are special privileges given to younger ones. The younger children's stay at home can be made special with some creative planning -- and the baby sitter could take them on daily outings.
There is much to be gained by taking the trip the way your parents offered it. I hope your wife reconsiders her position. If she doesn't, you and she must decide who gets left standing at the dock -- your two older children, or your mate.
DEAR ABBY: For the last year I have been reading your column and I am now a faithful fan. Something has really been troubling me.
A few days ago, I was in a church hall when a woman carrying a baby came in and sat down next to me on the bench. I must add that the baby was a beautiful one.
I could not tell whether the baby was a boy or a girl, and I could not think of a polite way of asking the mother. What would have been a polite way of finding out? -- AMBER IN SACRAMENTO
DEAR AMBER: You could have said, "My, what a beautiful baby. What did you name this adorable child?"
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
BOYFRIEND'S ANGRY REACTION OFFERS CLUE TO PAINFUL TRUTH
DEAR ABBY: I would really appreciate your help in understanding the real issue in this situation.
My boyfriend, with whom I have been living for the past seven years, keeps a post office box in another town. I have been curious as to why, so I asked him last night because the subject of mail came up. (I had asked before, but got no reasonable answer.) He immediately became agitated and defensive and said it was none of my business. I told him that he was not reacting rationally and the reason he offered -- that he didn't want to do the paperwork to switch over to our hometown post office or home delivery -- didn't make any sense to me.
At that point he stomped away from the dinner table and claimed the real reason I asked that question had to do with lack of trust.
It's true, Abby. When our relationship was rocky a year ago, I learned that other women used that P.O. box to write to him. (He never confessed his affairs; I discovered them myself and confronted him.)
What is the real reason he is keeping this P.O. box?
He says he wants to marry me, but given his verbally abusive and physically threatening behavior last night, I have grave doubts that he can be trusted to build an honest relationship. He wouldn't even speak to me this morning.
What is really going on here? -- SEALED WITH A TEAR IN OREGON
DEAR SEALED: The truth is obvious -- but it's too painful for you to accept. He can't be trusted. Sorry.
DEAR ABBY: I am a Catholic priest who left the church 38 years ago to marry a widow with seven children. That wonderful woman died last June. Before she died, she made me promise that I would remarry.
At the time, I couldn't imagine marrying again, but while attending a grief session at the hospice center, I met an ex-nun who was also grieving, and we have been together ever since. Someday we may marry. I am 72 now and considering it. Why should I be lonely? Life is too short.
My stepchildren fear that I will be out of their lives and will forget about them if I remarry. I say "rubbish" to that. What I will be doing is giving them another mother.
What do you think, Abby? If you print this letter, I'm sure they will see it and maybe they'll feel less resentful about me and my grieving friend. Sign me ... SAD GRANDPA
DEAR SAD GRANDPA: Give your stepchildren time to get to know the woman you want to marry. I can't imagine why, after you've been in their lives for 38 years, they fear that you will "forget" about them.
Remember your promise to your dying wife. (It seems she judged her children's reaction with accurate foresight.) I believe you've earned the right to some happiness in your remaining years. Follow your heart, and God bless you.
CONFIDENTIAL TO ASPIRING ACTRESS IN ACTON, CALIF.: Remember, average is as close to the bottom as it is to the top. Don't settle for less than your potential -- strive for the best.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)