Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Restaurant Tea Drinker Wants Two for You and Two for Me
DEAR ABBY: This problem may sound inconsequential, but it sure is annoying. In fact, I am steaming. I want a second tea bag!
Whenever we eat out, my wife orders coffee and I order tea. Usually the coffee and tea cost the same, so why is it that the servers come around with big pots of fresh coffee, endlessly refilling my wife's cup for free, yet when I ask for a refill, I only get more hot water? When I ask for a new tea bag, I'm almost always told, "I'll have to charge you for a new cup." Abby, if you've ever had to reuse a tea bag, you know that it makes a weak, disgusting cup of tea.
A box of 100 tea bags is, at most, $4.50 in a supermarket; presumably, restaurants buy in bulk and pay less. That means a cup of tea costs them less than 5 cents (there's no point in including the cost of water and heating, since that's also done for free coffee refills).
Considering that restaurants charge anywhere from 85 cents to $1.10 for a cup of tea, I would hope that they could shell out four whole pennies for another tea bag for their customers -- customers who certainly order more than just tea, and leave a tip besides.
Abby, since your column is read daily in restaurants and diners across America and Canada, perhaps you can help me and thousands of other tea drinkers by printing this:
RESTAURATEURS: If you're going to be generous enough to offer a second cup of coffee free (and a third and a fourth), kindly treat your hot-tea drinkers with the same generosity. -- TEA-ED OFF IN NEW YORK
DEAR TEA-ED OFF: What kind of establishments are you patronizing? I checked with two national chains -- Denny's and Howard Johnson's -- and was told that they will give a free second tea bag upon request. If a server gave an answer like the one you received, I'd ask to talk to the manager. And if the manager didn't overrule the server, I'd make it plain -- in the friendliest and most polite vernacular -- why that restaurant wouldn't be getting any more of my business. Refusing to give a patron a second tea bag is a foolish economy, considering the cost of poor public relations.
DEAR ABBY: I have read with interest the letters in your column about providing condoms to youth in high schools to protect them from pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases. I am reminded of something that happened during World War II.
A company of young U.S. infantry soldiers was preparing to invade a Pacific island. Our company was assembled on the upper deck of our ship, and we were told we would have to wade ashore under enemy fire. All of our personal belongings except our battle gear were put in duffel bags for storage. Our sergeant then gave each man a cellophane-wrapped package. Much to our surprise, each package contained four condoms! You can imagine the comments that were made about what kind of invasion this was to be!
However, our speculations were short-lived because we were told to roll our socks and put one in each condom and tie the end so that water could not get in. Of course, we immediately understood the importance of this command. Since the infantry travels on its feet, it was mandatory that we put dry socks on at the first opportunity after getting ashore.
No doubt some high-ranking "dog-face" in the Pentagon thought of this detail, and we owe him a debt of gratitude. -- JIM ISBELL, FORT WORTH, TEXAS
Man's Reluctance to Marry Is Breaking Fiancee's Heart
DEAR ABBY: Six years ago, I met a man who seemed to adore me. We fell in love, he gave me a ring, we talked marriage and bought a beautiful home together. Sounds great, doesn't it? Here's the problem: We're not married yet!
I waited four years for him to set a date. He never did, so I finally got up enough nerve to ask him. He replied that he was "nervous" about the thought of marriage. I felt emotionally abandoned by his reply. Since that time, my self-esteem has almost disappeared.
Friends, family and co-workers ask me (especially around Valentine's Day), "When are you two getting married?" I joke and say, "Don't get so worked up -- it's only a piece of paper," but my heart feels like it's breaking because I know marriage is the ultimate commitment of love, and I can't bear to tell them the truth. (I'm good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to marry.)
I still love this man with all my heart, although I know I will probably go to my grave without a wedding band or the children that I long to have.
Abby, please tell your readers who are considering living with their lovers to wait until after the wedding. -- SETTLED FOR LESS
DEAR SETTLED FOR LESS: I'm printing your message in its entirety, although your signature says it all.
You are long overdue in re-evaluating your priorities. A wedding band and children are a lot to give up for a piece of real estate and a boyfriend who can't make a serious commitment.
Perhaps soon you'll reclaim your self-esteem and present your roommate with an ultimatum. You have everything to gain and nothing to lose. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: Last Nov. 11, when we celebrated Veterans Day, I was asked why veterans used to stand facing east at 11 a.m. for two minutes of silence. The only answer I could find was "east is the direction of Europe."
Do you have any background information on this tradition? -- MARK H. GRAMS, DODGE COUNTY VETERANS SERVICE OFFICE, JUNEAU, WIS.
DEAR MARK: Your research was correct. The armistice that ended World War I was signed on Nov. 11, 1918, near Paris, France. Although it was signed at 5 a.m. in a railroad car in the forest of Compiegne north of Paris, the hostilities were not formally ended until 11 a.m.
The custom of facing east was a tribute to the 10 million military personnel who died and the 20 million who were wounded. Tragically, at least 5 million civilians were lost to starvation and disease during that devastating war.
DEAR ABBY: I laughed out loud when I saw the recent item in your column about errors in church bulletins. I thought you might get a chuckle out of the typographical error that occurred in our church calendar.
"BURNING BOWL SERVICE: Jan. 5, 2 p.m. During the burning bowel service you are given the opportunity to let go and release anything unwanted in your life." -- JANE BARNETT, FORT COLLINS, COLO.
DEAR JANE: I'll bet the church was flooded with laughter.
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
THOSE WHO WAIT FOR GIFTS ARE UNCLEAR ON THE CONCEPT
DEAR ABBY: I'm continually amazed by people who write to you with righteous indignation about gifts that weren't good enough, objects they feel entitled to, or inheritances that they expect to receive.
Don't these people understand the concept of a gift? A wedding (or birthday or Christmas) gift is not an obligation, it is a generosity. An inheritance is not a right; it is a choice made by the benefactors to bestow upon whomever they wish.
I get the feeling that many of your readers would lead happier lives if they would quit worrying about what they think they're entitled to, and concentrated on earning what is theirs and being grateful for the gifts they receive.
My dear grandmother (whom I prefer alive, lucid, happy and loving at the age of 85, rather than tallying whatever her estate might amount to) gave me a plaque many years ago that contains a motto to live by: "Blessed are those who expect nothing, for they will not be disappointed." -- JEFF KURTTI, LOS ANGELES
DEAR JEFF: You make a good point. The higher the level of expectation, the lower the degree of satisfaction.
DEAR ABBY: You said in your column that a felon loses his right to vote. I think your experts need to bone up on constitutional law.
All citizens are allowed to vote as long as they are registered and are not serving a prison term (for felony conviction) and/or on parole. Once the parole has been served and the convict has been discharged from the sentence, his constitutional right to vote is restored.
Voting is not a privilege, Abby, it is a right! -- DON WEST, PARALEGAL INVESTIGATIONS, LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR DON: I checked with my legal expert to be certain that I had not misled my readers. In 47 states and the District of Columbia, upon a felony conviction the right to vote is lost. In many, but not all states, the right to vote is restored upon completion of the sentence or parole. Some states require a pardon or administrative or court procedure before an ex-convict can vote again.
The courts have upheld state laws that prohibit felons from serving on juries, holding elective office and working as peace officers, and have limited other rights. So, while felons are afforded due process of law, their rights may be limited or revoked either permanently or temporarily, depending on the right and the state where the felon resides.
DEAR ABBY: Your answer to the woman whose live-in boyfriend would rather have his ex-girlfriend hem his pants than pay a measly $5 was lousy. You told her to take them to the seamstress when they arrived and pay the money to keep the peace. He's a cheap jerk who cares more about saving a buck than his girlfriend's feelings.
Why should she be the one to do anything differently? He should stop being helpless and self-centered. They both work and neither sews, so let him take care of his own pants. If he runs to his ex-girlfriend for something this trivial, be assured he'll start doing it every time his current girlfriend disappoints him. Peace schmeace! Tell him to grow up! -- SELF-RELIANT
DEAR SELF-RELIANT: I'll tell him, but I doubt if he will change his manipulative ways. Why should he? He has two women bending over backward to accommodate him.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)