DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the 265th birthday of George Washington, the father of our country: Happy Birthday, George!
Women's Bathroom Takeover Forces Man to Search for Relief
DEAR ABBY: Here's one for which I would appreciate a solution. The guys at the office didn't have an answer.
I was at a very crowded shopping mall and needed to use the rest room as I was leaving. The men's room and the ladies' room were side by side. The ladies' room had a line outside it, while the men's room had no waiting line.
As I approached the men's room, the women started to grumble loudly about having to wait and split up into lines outside both rest rooms. This effectively restricted my access to the men's room, so I departed the mall and drove to the nearest gas station to use the rest room there.
What should a male's proper course of action be in a situation like this? -- LEGS CROSSED IN NEWARK
DEAR LEGS CROSSED: I think your course of action was intelligent. But on my way out, I would have reported it to mall security.
DEAR ABBY: Why would a bright, pretty 23-year-old allow herself to be emotionally abused by her husband?
Birthdays, anniversaries, Christmas, St. Valentine's Day, etc. come and go without so much as a card or any kind of acknowledgment. They have had many fights over this -- and my daughter has told him how hurt she is. He is always "sorry" and has some kind of excuse, but this happens over and over again.
It hurts me to see how upset she gets, but as a parent, what should I do? -- UPSET MOTHER DOWN SOUTH
DEAR MOTHER: Do not offer any "solutions" or advice. It's nice to be remembered on special occasions, but how does he treat your daughter every other day in the year?
DEAR ABBY: The story of the Spanish speakers who assumed two blond Anglos wouldn't understand their rude comments reminds me of two incidents.
A blond man my husband works with had learned Hmong while serving in Vietnam. One day he was on the Paris subway while two girls were speaking Hmong to each other, harshly criticizing fellow passengers. The man waited until a break in their conversation, then gave them an equally bold critique -- in fluent Hmong. They were so stunned, they missed their stop.
Then there was the deaf woman I often waited on in a fabric shop where I worked. She liked for me to help her since I would sign "Hi" (the only word I knew in sign language), speak clearly while facing her, and take the time to puzzle out her speech. One day she told me that two women shopping nearby were planning to steal quite a few very expensive buttons by tucking them into the folds of the fabric they were buying. Sure enough, the manager stopped the women outside the store and the buttons were in the fabric. How did my customer know? She had read their lips! -- CORYN WEIGLE, ALEXANDRIA, VA.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Officer by Any Other Name Is Being Treated With Disrespect
DEAR ABBY: I must take exception to the letters from Joseph Murray and Emily Maheu about rank in the military.
I was with my husband during 29 years of military life, and during that time I realized that acknowledgment of military rank is nothing more than respect for position and achievement. Let's face it, without such acknowledgment our society would be mediocre and achieve less than its full potential.
Our children should be taught to recognize success, achievement and experience. They can do that by addressing adults by the proper title, even if it is nothing more than "Sir" and "Ma'am." If our children can address a doctor as "Doctor," they can address our military by rank, an expression of acknowledgment and respect. Your first response was more to the point. -- HELEN A. FOWKES, PUNTA GORDA, FLA.
DEAR HELEN: From the mail I received from people formerly and presently in the military, you and I are in the minority, and only now am I receiving letters from people like you who agreed with my answer. Thanks for your support.
DEAR ABBY: One more word, please, on whether children should address military personnel by their rank.
Your correspondent, Joseph J. Murray, wrote that a 12-year-old girl shouldn't be expected to know the level of military ranks. She does not have to. She can call a lieutenant "Lieutenant" without knowing whether he outranks a captain.
The wife of a retired officer didn't want her children to "feel that one person deserves more respect than another just because of rank," so she did not teach her children to address their parents' friends by their rank. Using the same reasoning, I assume she taught her children to call a doctor "Mister." After all, calling him "Doctor" might give him too much respect.
The fact is, it is just as wrong to address someone in the military as "Mr." or "Ms." as it is to call a physician "Mr. Jones." Those honorifics are applicable only to civilians. The only exceptions are warrant officers and certain junior naval officers, who are properly addressed as "Mr." Parents who object to the proper use of titles are passing their ignorance along to their children. -- WALTER H. INGE, LT. COL., USAF (RET.), ATLANTA
DEAR ABBY: I have a question that may be of interest to your other readers.
Why do newspapers publish notices that state that on a particular day and between certain hours, the police will crack down on speeders along a specified highway in a special effort?
In my opinion, the disclosure defeats the purpose of the special effort. -- CARL THOMPSON, CHULA VISTA, CALIF.
DEAR CARL: It depends on how you interpret the purpose of the special effort. Look at it this way: The crackdowns are usually announced at holiday time when highway traffic is particularly heavy and many of the drivers have been partying with alcohol. Public warnings cause many drivers to slow down and pay closer attention to the road because they know the police are out in force and looking for "speeders." The benefit is fewer out-of-control drivers on a holiday weekend, and, let's hope, fewer accidents and tragedies.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Bitter Love Triangle Divides Friends as Well as Spouses
DEAR ABBY: This is a common situation, so you must have covered it before. However, I don't recall seeing it recently.
"Jane" and "John" were married for a number of years and had teen-aged children. "Mary," John's childhood sweetheart, already divorced from an alcoholic husband, came on the scene. John divorced Jane and married Mary.
Many of Jane's friends despise Mary and feel that she "stole" Jane's husband. We are fond of John and both Jane and Mary. We feel that regardless of who made the first call, John must have been unhappy in his marriage, or nothing would have happened. We don't think anyone can "steal" someone's spouse. Besides, it was John who filed for divorce, and if Jane's friends are mad at anyone, it should be him and not Mary.
Obviously, when Jane spreads the fiction about her husband being "stolen," she is compensating for her inability to hold onto her husband.
Abby, I think a lot of folks would be interested in your viewpoint. -- FRIEND OF ALL THREE
DEAR FRIEND: I agree, nobody can "steal" anyone's spouse, but in this case, the woman let the object of her affection know that she was interested and available, which was sufficient to get an affair going. And in the presence of such blatant temptation, it can be very difficult to preserve a marriage -- so don't be too hard on Jane.
DEAR ABBY: How do you deal with relatives who have pets that are treated just like people? I have two sets of family members who own dogs. One has three and the other has one, and they treat their dogs as though they are members of the family. I like dogs, but I'm not a "dog person." I don't think it's cute when their dog climbs on my furniture or begs at the dinner table.
When they visit me, they not only allow their dogs on my furniture, they actually let the dog sleep in bed with them underneath the covers.
These relatives were visiting recently, and we were having a nice family dinner when their dog came to the table, put her front paws on the table and her nose in my plate. The owner remarked, "She's just curious about what's going on." He didn't tell the dog to get down.
I have a small baby, and the dog was very curious about her. I think a dog licking a baby's mouth and face is disgusting. When the dog came over to investigate my baby, I felt uncomfortable pushing it away, since it's not my dog. The owner didn't do a thing. When the dog licked my baby's mouth, she simply said, "She's just curious about what's going on." Abby, I thought I'd die!
I don't feel comfortable reprimanding someone else's dog, especially one they think is a human, but what should I do when the owners give these animals no discipline?
What people do in their own homes with their pets is their business, and if I happen to be visiting them, I will bite my tongue and deal with the dogs at the dinner table and on the furniture. But when someone comes to my home, I would like some respect for my property, and I certainly do not want dogs near my baby. Am I being selfish? -- DOGGED OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR DOGGED OUT: Selfish? No. A wimp? Yes!
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)