Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Officer by Any Other Name Is Being Treated With Disrespect
DEAR ABBY: I must take exception to the letters from Joseph Murray and Emily Maheu about rank in the military.
I was with my husband during 29 years of military life, and during that time I realized that acknowledgment of military rank is nothing more than respect for position and achievement. Let's face it, without such acknowledgment our society would be mediocre and achieve less than its full potential.
Our children should be taught to recognize success, achievement and experience. They can do that by addressing adults by the proper title, even if it is nothing more than "Sir" and "Ma'am." If our children can address a doctor as "Doctor," they can address our military by rank, an expression of acknowledgment and respect. Your first response was more to the point. -- HELEN A. FOWKES, PUNTA GORDA, FLA.
DEAR HELEN: From the mail I received from people formerly and presently in the military, you and I are in the minority, and only now am I receiving letters from people like you who agreed with my answer. Thanks for your support.
DEAR ABBY: One more word, please, on whether children should address military personnel by their rank.
Your correspondent, Joseph J. Murray, wrote that a 12-year-old girl shouldn't be expected to know the level of military ranks. She does not have to. She can call a lieutenant "Lieutenant" without knowing whether he outranks a captain.
The wife of a retired officer didn't want her children to "feel that one person deserves more respect than another just because of rank," so she did not teach her children to address their parents' friends by their rank. Using the same reasoning, I assume she taught her children to call a doctor "Mister." After all, calling him "Doctor" might give him too much respect.
The fact is, it is just as wrong to address someone in the military as "Mr." or "Ms." as it is to call a physician "Mr. Jones." Those honorifics are applicable only to civilians. The only exceptions are warrant officers and certain junior naval officers, who are properly addressed as "Mr." Parents who object to the proper use of titles are passing their ignorance along to their children. -- WALTER H. INGE, LT. COL., USAF (RET.), ATLANTA
DEAR ABBY: I have a question that may be of interest to your other readers.
Why do newspapers publish notices that state that on a particular day and between certain hours, the police will crack down on speeders along a specified highway in a special effort?
In my opinion, the disclosure defeats the purpose of the special effort. -- CARL THOMPSON, CHULA VISTA, CALIF.
DEAR CARL: It depends on how you interpret the purpose of the special effort. Look at it this way: The crackdowns are usually announced at holiday time when highway traffic is particularly heavy and many of the drivers have been partying with alcohol. Public warnings cause many drivers to slow down and pay closer attention to the road because they know the police are out in force and looking for "speeders." The benefit is fewer out-of-control drivers on a holiday weekend, and, let's hope, fewer accidents and tragedies.
Bitter Love Triangle Divides Friends as Well as Spouses
DEAR ABBY: This is a common situation, so you must have covered it before. However, I don't recall seeing it recently.
"Jane" and "John" were married for a number of years and had teen-aged children. "Mary," John's childhood sweetheart, already divorced from an alcoholic husband, came on the scene. John divorced Jane and married Mary.
Many of Jane's friends despise Mary and feel that she "stole" Jane's husband. We are fond of John and both Jane and Mary. We feel that regardless of who made the first call, John must have been unhappy in his marriage, or nothing would have happened. We don't think anyone can "steal" someone's spouse. Besides, it was John who filed for divorce, and if Jane's friends are mad at anyone, it should be him and not Mary.
Obviously, when Jane spreads the fiction about her husband being "stolen," she is compensating for her inability to hold onto her husband.
Abby, I think a lot of folks would be interested in your viewpoint. -- FRIEND OF ALL THREE
DEAR FRIEND: I agree, nobody can "steal" anyone's spouse, but in this case, the woman let the object of her affection know that she was interested and available, which was sufficient to get an affair going. And in the presence of such blatant temptation, it can be very difficult to preserve a marriage -- so don't be too hard on Jane.
DEAR ABBY: How do you deal with relatives who have pets that are treated just like people? I have two sets of family members who own dogs. One has three and the other has one, and they treat their dogs as though they are members of the family. I like dogs, but I'm not a "dog person." I don't think it's cute when their dog climbs on my furniture or begs at the dinner table.
When they visit me, they not only allow their dogs on my furniture, they actually let the dog sleep in bed with them underneath the covers.
These relatives were visiting recently, and we were having a nice family dinner when their dog came to the table, put her front paws on the table and her nose in my plate. The owner remarked, "She's just curious about what's going on." He didn't tell the dog to get down.
I have a small baby, and the dog was very curious about her. I think a dog licking a baby's mouth and face is disgusting. When the dog came over to investigate my baby, I felt uncomfortable pushing it away, since it's not my dog. The owner didn't do a thing. When the dog licked my baby's mouth, she simply said, "She's just curious about what's going on." Abby, I thought I'd die!
I don't feel comfortable reprimanding someone else's dog, especially one they think is a human, but what should I do when the owners give these animals no discipline?
What people do in their own homes with their pets is their business, and if I happen to be visiting them, I will bite my tongue and deal with the dogs at the dinner table and on the furniture. But when someone comes to my home, I would like some respect for my property, and I certainly do not want dogs near my baby. Am I being selfish? -- DOGGED OUT IN SOUTH CAROLINA
DEAR DOGGED OUT: Selfish? No. A wimp? Yes!
For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
'Big Apple' Traces Its History to Racetrack in New Orleans
DEAR ABBY: I can help out your reader who asked why New York City is called "the Big Apple."
Attorney/word sleuth Barry Popick spotted two 1920s articles which clarify that John J. FitzGerald, racing editor for the New York Morning Telegraph -- a leading horse-racing newspaper of the day that later became the Daily Racing Form -- heard "the big apple" mentioned in a conversation between two African-American stable hands in New Orleans (January 1920). The term referred to the New York City racetracks as the big time in horse racing.
FitzGerald picked up the term and popularized it in his newspaper, still in reference to the NYC racetracks.
In the 1930s, black jazz musicians then applied the term to Harlem specifically, and New York City in general, as the big time in jazz.
In 1971, Charles Gillett, president of the New York Convention and Visitors Bureau, revived the term as part of a public relations campaign on behalf of New York City. He readily acknowledged deriving "the Big Apple" from the 1930s jazz scene.
The term itself goes back ultimately to the big red Delicious apples developed in Iowa in the 1870s. They were regarded as something extra-special. And for jockeys active in the "bushes," the New York City tracks represented the big time, the big treat they looked forward to, i.e., "the big apple." -- GERALD COHEN, PROFESSOR OF FOREIGN LANGUAGES, UNIVERSITY OF MISSOURI-ROLLA
P.S. I am the former president of the American Name Society. Your 1988 column on "the Big Apple" was the stimulus that led to my research on the term: a book (1991) and two updates.
DEAR PROFESSOR COHEN: Thanks for straightening this out. I heard from several readers offering varied explanations about the origin of the nickname for New York City. Helen Tovey of Summerville, S.C., described a Harlem nightclub called the Big Apple that she had seen in 1936 and which had a big red apple over the entrance. She included a Roxy Theater program, dated Sept. 3, 1937, in which was featured a new dance called "The Big Apple -- introduced by the contest winners from the colleges of North and South Carolina."
I also heard from Barry Popick, author of the article on the Big Apple published in the January/February issue of Irish America magazine, which is fitting since the name was popularized by an Irishman. Mr. Popick related that on Jan. 29, he appeared before the New York City Council in support of a permanent "Big Apple Corner" street sign at West 54th Street and Broadway, John J. FitzGerald's address for the last 30 years of his life. (The measure was approved.)
If anybody has any information about Mr. FitzGerald, Mr. Popick can be contacted at bapopik(at)aol.com. Mr. Popick also mentioned that my original 1988 "Big Apple" column was what got everything started. Howda ya like them apples!
DEAR ABBY: In response to the English teacher in San Francisco who would like to have "frank talks" with her students regarding sex, but is afraid to lose her job. Good! She is an English teacher, not a biology/science or sex education instructor. She should stick to what she is employed to teach. -- BRIAN CHIEDO, DALLAS
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)