Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom Resents Being Drafted to Provide Free Child Care
DEAR ABBY: I have a major problem and don't know how to get out of this situation. I seem to be another parent's answer to free day care.
This woman calls me frequently to pick up her son from school. At first she told me her son hated the day care he went to and she had promised him he wouldn't have to go -- adding that her meeting had run longer than she thought it would, and if I could pick him up that would be really great. I did it several times.
Now she says she has taken him out of day care all together, and he'll just have to go to a friend's after school; that it shouldn't be much of a problem because it will only be once a month. I know she wanted me to offer, but I didn't because her child is very difficult.
She has started calling me at 2:50, right before I'm about to leave to get my son from school, saying her meeting ran long and asking me to get him for her. If I refuse, saying I have things I have to do, she gives me the third degree and asks why I can't take him along.
My youngest is enrolled in a drop-in program so that when I have a doctor's appointment I don't have to take him with me. That way there's less stress on the doctor and me. Yet, I find myself taking another person's child with me, which is more stressful than taking my 21-month-old because he, at least, minds to some extent. This other child will do nothing I ask him to do.
Abby, her son says words my son is not allowed to say, and he throws my son's expensive toys when he doesn't get his own way. My older son has asked me to please stop bringing this child home with us, and I have tried -- but his mother will not take no for an answer. What should I do? -- HAD ENOUGH IN TEXAS
DEAR HAD ENOUGH: This woman will continue to take advantage of you until you develop the backbone to tell her bluntly that you are no longer willing to be used in the way she is using you. You owe her no explanations and no excuses. You are treating her as you would a friend. But friendship is a two-way street, and she is not a friend -- she is a user.
What's sad about this is that the person who is suffering because of her lack of time and parenting skills is a little boy who is turning into a social pariah. But that's not your problem.
DEAR ABBY: Please settle something between my mother and me. I always wash new clothes before I wear them. My wife also washes her clothes and our twins' before they are worn.
My mother says this is ridiculous and unnecessary. I say that one doesn't know what the garments have been exposed to, or who has handled them or tried them on. She says I am the only one in the world who thinks this way.
Is my way all that unusual? I have a small stack of new clothes that await your answer. -- DALE GAMMELL, OMAHA, NEB.
DEAR DALE: No. Your way is not all that unusual. However, most people who like the look and feel of new clothes are reluctant to wash them. But others like you, who worry about where and on whom clothes have been, or who want to avoid that "brand-new" look, prefer to launder them before wearing them. To each his own.
Here's the 11 Th Commandment: Don't Tamper With the Ten
DEAR ABBY: Your recent printing of the Judeo-Christian Ten Commandments has no doubt produced an avalanche of response.
The problem with them is that they are thousands of years out-of-date and functionally incomplete.
To cite just one glaring omission: The world would be a very different place today if the Ten had also included: Honor thy children. -- PHILOSOPHER IN CULVER CITY, CALIF.
DEAR PHILOSOPHER: I did, indeed, receive an avalanche of mail for having printed the King James version of the Ten Commandments, and I was shocked by the number of people who complained. Read on for a sample:
DEAR ABBY: Recently you printed the Ten Commandments. In doing so you referred to the "Old Testament." Jews prefer to refer to it as the Hebrew Bible. By calling it the "Old Testament," it implies that God has made a new covenant with mankind, a concept Jews do not accept. Also, the proper translation of commandment No. 6 is, "Thou shalt not MURDER," not "Thou shalt not kill." They are distinctly different words in Hebrew, as they are in English. -- LANCE LUBIN, GULFPORT, FLA.
DEAR LANCE: Please don't think I'm being defensive, because some of my best friends were Jewish -- my mother and my father -- and I was taught to call it the Old Testament. But thanks for the rest of the input.
DEAR ABBY: There is no reason for anyone to be ignorant of God's word, especially the Ten Commandments. If everyone obeyed these clear and simple rules, all the problems in the world would disappear! As a matter of fact, the Ten Commandments are the transcript of God's character and the pure foundational law of his universal and eternal government.
I noticed that you did not print the entire wording of the Ten Commandments in your column. You left out a portion of the wording in the First, Second, Third, Fourth and Fifth Commandments. Why? Have you never read verses 18 and 19 from the 22nd chapter of the Book of Revelation? It says, "For I testify unto every man that heareth the word of the prophesy of this book, if any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book; and if any man shall take away from the words of the book of this prophecy, God shall take away his part out of the book of life, and out of the holy city, and from the things which are written in this book."
Every "jot and tittle" written in God's word is extremely important. No human has the right to tamper with it in any way. The reason people do not know what the Ten Commandments say is just a matter of priorities. God's word is not important enough for them to spend time searching the Scriptures and applying the instructions to their lives. People are "too busy" these days with the "cares of this life." And one of these days, it will be TOO LATE. Signs of the end of time are fast fulfilling all around us, and people are as blind and unbelieving as they were in the days of Noah.
Abby, I challenge you to print this letter in your column, and end it by printing the entire wording of all of the Ten Commandments, and I challenge your readers to read Exodus 20 for themselves. If it makes a difference in only one person's life for eternity, it will be well worth honoring this request. -- HELEN L. SELF, MORGANTON, N.C.
DEAR MS. SELF: I'm printing your letter, but space limitations prevent me from printing the entire wording of the Ten Commandments according to each of the denominations that registered complaints about my having printed the King James version. My apologies to those who were offended.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
ISSUE OF CHILDREN IS SORE SPOT IN OTHERWISE HAPPY MARRIAGE
DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and happily married to a 35-year-old man who has had a previous marriage and has two children, 14 and 12.
We have been married for two years and are completely happy with each other. However, the problem is I want a child of my own and he does not.
When we were dating, we often discussed it, and he would say that he has two and that's all he needs, although he might consider more in the future.
Well, Abby, it's the future now, and I am ready to take on the responsibility of a child. Now he tells me that he wants to get himself "fixed" because he has decided not to have more children. I don't think it's fair to me, being young and healthy and wanting to have at least one child of my own.
I love him dearly, but this has put a big damper on our marriage, and I am not sure how to handle this. Please help. -- UNSURE IN FLORIDA
DEAR UNSURE: Consider this: A man who says he wants no more children and is considering getting himself "fixed" to ensure that he will have no more is a poor candidate for fatherhood. True, he did promise to consider it, but it is obvious that he wants no more children.
I recommend counseling for both of you. If he refuses to get counseling -- go without him.
DEAR ABBY: I have often wanted to write about the following, but hoped that someone else would write and provide the answer first.
I am a pre-op transsexual and usually dress in women's clothing, complete with wig and makeup.
My question is, which rest room should I use when I go out in public?
Abby, please inform your readers that most of us transsexuals and transvestites are in the ladies rest room to use the facilities or to repair our makeup -- nothing more. -- MISS "X"
DEAR MISS "X": When you are dressed like a woman, you should use the women's rest room.
DEAR ABBY: Excuse me for being an old fuddy-duddy, but what has happened to basic good manners?
In my day one did not indulge in kissing in public places -- unless one was bidding goodbye in an airport, train or bus station.
I find it embarrassing to witness public displays of affection between my nephew and his current girlfriend at family gatherings in nice restaurants. Often they have to stop right in the middle of the restaurant on the way out to engage in a long, soulful kiss. Since the couple have been living together for several months, it would seem that they could hold off the kissing until they were alone. This has gotten to the point that it is downright embarrassing for the rest of the family to go out with them.
Don't get me wrong, Abby. I am all for hugging and kissing one's true love, but not on the way out of a nice restaurant with a room full of strangers to witness the spectacle.
Am I hopelessly outdated on this? -- OLD-FASHIONED
DEAR OLD-FASHIONED: Outdated? No! Jealous? Maybe!
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)