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by Abigail Van Buren

DEAR ABBY: All my life I have loved dancing, as do most of the other women I know. I think it is exciting, fun and great exercise. Couples dancing together are so romantic. When I see a man who can dance with a woman, I am instantly fascinated by him and so are all my friends.

Why, then, are men who dance so hard to come by? Men are "supposed" to be athletic, charming, romantic and masterful; dancing is all of that. Yet, most men I meet are "fish" who say, "I don't dance."

I thought men liked attracting women. I know some people say men are dense, but this fact simply cannot escape anyone's attention: A man can attract women by learning to dance.

Will you please put out the word for us and tell men how sexy they are when they learn to dance? -- WILTING WALLFLOWER IN ARIZONA

DEAR WILTING WALLFLOWER: I receive letters every day from men who complain about how difficult it is to meet and attract women.

Men, now you have heard it from the source! Get out of the house and onto the dance floor. (Take lessons if you need them.) Women will be unable to resist you. Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: Whatever happened to people visiting sick friends while they are recuperating at home?

I was raised in an area where people often visited sick friends. They brought food, ran errands, etc. I believe this is the right thing to do.

A dear friend of mine twisted her knee last week and absolutely refuses to allow anyone to visit her. Ordinarily she is so sweet and lovable that I consider her a sister, but now she is making me feel shut out and unwanted. She is treating her elderly mother the same way. She says she wants to recuperate alone with the help of her physical therapist. She claims she has all she can handle without visitors, and doesn't want to see anyone when she is feeling ill.

Why is she behaving this way? How do I get her to understand my feelings, and how can we compromise? Whenever I'm recuperating, I love having guests drop by to help distract me from my sickness. Why won't she let me treat her like I'd want her to treat me? -- WANTS TO HELP, BOYNTON BEACH, FLA.

DEAR WANTS TO HELP: True friends respect each other's wishes. Recuperating from an injury or illness is a personal process. Your friend has been completely honest about what she wants from you during this time. This is not about what you want, but what she needs. Please respect her request for privacy.

DEAR ABBY: Will you please settle a dispute? My daughter recently married her boyfriend with whom she had been living for three years. They had a private wedding out of town, and no one was invited, not even family. Given these circumstances I sent her a nice card, but not a gift.

My daughter has since asked me to lend her $400 to pay her state income taxes from last year. I agreed to loan her the money, but told her to pay me back only $200, and consider the remaining $200 a wedding gift. She seemed very happy with this arrangement.

My partner says this gift is tacky. I disagree. What do you think? -- T.C. IN HOLLYWOOD, CALIF.

DEAR T.C.: Since both you and your daughter are satisfied with the arrangement, I see no problem.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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