To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sufferers of Bipolar Disorder Should Learn About Support
DEAR ABBY: I am a 47-year-old woman who was diagnosed with bipolar disorder (manic depression) four years ago. The doctor said the medication would take care of it, then he sent me home to deal with it.
The medication helped for a while; however, I became resentful and unhappy with the side effects and quit taking it. I seemed to be fine for the first six months, then boom -- manic city! I ended up at a psychiatric center for five days.
I voluntarily attended the two-week intensive outpatient program. I am back on lithium and feel good.
During the program I learned there is a mountain of information about this disorder and also support groups on chat lines. What a relief it was to learn I was not alone.
Abby, please tell your readers who suffer from bipolar disorder that there is more help available than just taking medication, and urge them to avail themselves of everything they can to cope with their manic depression. You may use my name. -- JILL E. HAYES, SACRAMENTO
DEAR JILL: Although the symptoms are different from physical illnesses, mental illnesses are conditions for which treatment is often effective. Just as one would see a doctor and take medication for pneumonia, one should see a counselor or psychiatrist for treatment of mental illness.
Readers, if you suffer from manic depression or any other mental disorder, please don't hesitate to talk to your physician about getting help.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to share an act of kindness that I experienced.
I am an American of Japanese descent, born in Torrance, Calif. My mother died when I was very young. My siblings and I were placed in a Japanese orphanage in Los Angeles.
My story takes place in the mid-'30s when I was in the second grade. At that time, and for many years prior, Asians and other non-whites were discriminated against by private citizens, businesses and government. For example, only two or three beaches were open to us, and very few of us were allowed to matriculate in the colleges and state universities.
However, the public schools were not segregated. I attended Micheltorena grade school on Sunset Boulevard. The brown bag lunch I took to school from "home" was usually a beet sandwich with a little mayonnaise and a green apple. Sometimes I got a peanut butter sandwich with an apple. The peanut butter was diluted with syrup and spread so thin there was literally no space between the slices of bread.
After a couple of months, some of the students who sat on the same bench to eat lunch noticed my thin sandwiches. One day, a Caucasian girl named Gloria sat down beside me. She reached into her lunch box and brought out a baloney sandwich and handed it to me. My God, a sandwich with a nice piece of meat and lettuce and mustard, too! I had never had anything like that before. Every couple of weeks, she would bring me another wonderful sandwich.
When the next semester began, she was not at school, so obviously her family had moved. I never saw her again, but every once in a while I think of Gloria and how compassionate she was. More recently, I began to think about how compassionate her mother must have been, too, bowing to Gloria's request for an extra sandwich for someone who had little. What a lovely person she must have been to have instilled such generosity in her little girl -- especially for someone of a different race.
I don't remember Gloria's last name, but I do remember that she had freckles and bangs, and that she wore her brown hair so short that it covered only half her ears. I hope she reads this so she'll know that even today I am thankful for her kindness. -- TOSHI FUJIKAWA, SAN PEDRO, CALIF.
DEAR MR. FUJIKAWA: If I hear from Gloria, I'll let you know. Meanwhile, thank you for sharing your childhood memory.
Woman in Humdrum Marriage Wonders if Soul Mate Exists
DEAR ABBY: What percentage of people find their soul mates? You once advised a young man who had doubts about his relationship to keep searching. How long does one search? I am married to a man who is decent and has similar values to mine, but he is definitely not my soul mate. If I had kept searching for my soul mate, would I have found him? What if he lived in another state? How would I ever find him? Would I have been too old to have children by the time I found him?
I have pondered these questions all my life. In my experience, love is not equal. I once found a man I thought was my soul mate, but he didn't really love me; and some men in whom I had no interest pursued me. This confuses me. Isn't it supposed to be that two people find each other and fall madly in love?
My husband and I have children, and they are the joy of my life. I suppose I love him, but it is more like loving a brother -- there is no passion. I thought he would open up eventually, but he never did.
I have seen people who have happier marriages, but I think it is basically dumb luck that they found the right person and that person loves back with equal fervor.
Abby, I don't expect you to have all the answers, but I needed to ask someone. Thanks for listening. -- EXAMINING LIFE IN OHIO
DEAR EXAMINING: I'm happy to listen, and wish I could answer all your questions. Just as no two people are alike, no two marriages are alike. Some couples are content with "brotherly" companionship, which can include a deep and meaningful love. Others enjoy a fiery passion. Some have both. However, it is important to remember there is a vast difference between real life and fantasy. If the pluses in your marriage outweigh the minuses, you are better off than many.
DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Grandma in Saratoga Springs, N.Y.," who wanted to know how to tell a child the truth about Santa Claus, reminded me of my own experience:
Born in 1940, my son, in addition to being an only child, was a "war baby." During his early childhood, toys were almost impossible to find. The things little boys crave -- toy trucks, planes, trains, tricycles, etc. -- were not being manufactured. In 1943, he went to the circus for the first time. When he was asked what he wanted for Christmas, he said he wanted a real elephant or a red wagon. One was as easy to find as the other.
We were eager to keep his belief in Santa alive as long as possible. My mother told me to give up, but I kept saying, "Just one more year." We finally located a wagon late on Christmas Eve.
Finally, when my son was 7, Mom came to me and said I could stop pretending. He had confided to her that he knew there was no Santa Claus, but, "Don't tell Mom because she still believes in him." Needless to say, that solved the problem. -- VIVIENNE LINDSAY, LANCASTER, CALIF.
DEAR VIVIENNE: When I responded to "Grandma in Saratoga Springs," I missed an opportunity to point out that many families use the "moment of truth" when talking to their children about Santa to reinforce their belief in the spirit of Christmas that Santa Claus represents -- that of giving.
Many older children cherish the "grown-up" responsibility of keeping the belief alive in their younger siblings. Thus the spirit of giving passes from one generation to the next.
Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: You recently ran a letter from a woman who gave a few tips on what sighted people should do when they meet a blind person. As president of the American Foundation for the Blind, and a blind person myself, I believe I can add a few more points of etiquette your readers may find helpful:
1. Speak to people who are blind or visually impaired using a natural conversational tone and speed. Do not speak loudly and slowly unless the person also has a hearing impairment.
2. Address blind people by name when possible. This is especially important in crowded places.
3. Immediately greet blind people when they enter a room or service area. This lets them know you are present and ready to assist.
4. Indicate the end of a conversation with a blind person in order to avoid the embarrassment of leaving a person speaking when no one is actually there.
5. Feel free to use words that refer to vision when conversing with blind people. Words such as "look," "see" and "watching TV" are part of everyday communication. The words "blind" and "visually impaired" are also acceptable in conversation.
6. Do not leave a blind person standing in "free space" when you serve as a guide. Also, be sure that the person you guide has a firm grasp on your arm or is leaning against a chair or a wall if you have to be separated momentarily.
7. Be calm and clear about what to do if you see a blind person about to encounter a dangerous situation. For example, if the person is about to bump into something, calmly and firmly call out, "Wait there for a moment; there is an obstruction in your path."
Abby, thanks for giving me the opportunity to provide this information. If your readers have any questions about blindness and visual impairment, the American Foundation for the Blind has a toll-free information line, (800) 232-5463, and a Web site, www.afb.org. -- CARL R. AUGUSTO, PRESIDENT, AMERICAN FOUNDATION FOR THE BLIND, NEW YORK
DEAR CARL: Thank you for the excellent input. I'm sure my readers will find it of interest. In addition to your letter, I also heard from David M. McGown, executive director of the Guild for the Blind in Chicago, offering pointers for the general public when interacting with blind people:
-- Address the person directly, and not through someone else.
-- If you think a person needs assistance, ASK FIRST. Don't assume you should help. Let the person choose to accept help or not.
-- When offering assistance, never take someone by the arm who is blind or visually impaired; and never take hold of a white cane or guide dog. If you offer your arm instead, the person can follow a half-step behind and anticipate changes.
-- When guiding someone to a chair, place his/her hand on the back of the chair.
-- Remember, people who are blind or visually impaired are people first -- people who have feelings and lives just like you do. Many of them like movies and sports and have interests of their own. Treat a person who has a visual disability with the same courtesy and respect you would give to anyone else.
For more information about the Guild for the Blind and its services, write: 180 N. Michigan Ave., Suite 1700, Chicago, Ill. 60601-7463 or call (312) 236-8569.
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)