For Abby's favorite family recipes, send a long, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Cookbooklet No. 1, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Easy Cheesecake Enjoys Long Tradition as Family's Favorite
DEAR ABBY: Ever since I was a child, my mother clipped interesting recipes from newspapers and magazines and pasted them into a scrapbook.
Finally, her scrapbook deteriorated and fell apart. Mother threw it away instead of restoring it. When I found out, I was devastated. I told her I had been hoping that one day the scrapbook would have been passed down to me. Thank goodness, several years ago, when I left my mother's nest, I photocopied certain recipes from her scrapbook. One of them was a handwritten recipe for cheesecake.
For years, I thought it was her famous cheesecake recipe. Just this week, I discovered that the handwritten recipe I copied is not Mom's famous cheesecake recipe, but yours, clipped from the newspaper decades ago.
This is my entire family's favorite dessert and Mother was always asked to bake it for special occasions. My parents divorced and my mother rarely bakes now. My father's family always reminisces when dessert time comes around about my mother's delicious cheesecake.
My brother was married last February. He bragged to his future family about what a great baker my mother was and how everyone raved about her cheesecake. He then "volunteered" our mother to bring "her" famous cheesecake to the wedding shower.
Well, since Mom had thrown away her scrapbook with the recipe in it, she asked me for mine. I then realized that I had loaned mine out and never got it back, so Mom tried a different one.
The results were disastrous. The crust was a watery mess. This was not discovered until the morning of the bridal shower. Mom was in a state of panic. She had to rush out and buy a cake. The shower guests had expected my mother's famous cheesecake and she was embarrassed having to explain her predicament to everyone.
So, Abby, please grant me one wish. Print your famous cheesecake recipe again. It will guarantee that the tradition of having it at our family gatherings continues for generations. -- EAGERLY AWAITING IN WOODLAND HILLS, CALIF.
DEAR EAGERLY AWAITING: I'm happy to oblige. That recipe is included in my cookbooklet, "Dear Abby's Favorite Recipes," and it's a cinch to make.
CRUST: 1 1/2 cups graham cracker crumbs, 1/2 cup butter (1 cube), melted, and 1/3 cup powdered sugar.
CHEESECAKE: 3 (8-ounce) packages cream cheese, softened; 4 eggs; 1 cup sugar; 1 teaspoon vanilla; 1 pint dairy sour cream (room temperature), and a 21-ounce can prepared cherry, blueberry or strawberry pie filling.
METHOD: Heat oven to 350 degrees.
Combine graham cracker crumbs, powdered sugar and butter. Press into bottom of an 8-inch springform pan.
In a large bowl, beat cream cheese, eggs, sugar and vanilla until smooth. Pour mixture over prepared crust.
Bake at 350 for 50 minutes (until center is set). Remove from oven and spread sour cream on top of cake. Return to oven and bake an additional 5 minutes. Remove from oven and allow to cool. Spread desired topping on cheesecake. Chill overnight. Before serving, carefully remove sides from pan.
Serves: 16.
Tip: To minimize cracking, place a shallow pan half full of hot water on lower rack of oven during baking. Be sure the sour cream is room temperature when you spread it on.
End of Affair Turns Woman's Secret Love Into Obsession
DEAR ABBY: I've been in a loveless marriage for 20 years. Six years ago, I fell in love with a wonderful (but married) man. We shared a passionate, fantastic and totally secret relationship until a year ago -- when his wife discovered our affair. Unfortunately, instead of kicking him out, she chose to forgive him.
He had led me to believe that our love was forever and he couldn't live without me. Now he tells me he realizes he still loves his wife, will not leave her, and our relationship is over.
I will not accept this. I must live my life with him. I am unable to give him up. I'll do anything to get him away from his wife, but I'm running out of ideas. Do you have any? -- DESPERATE IN DETROIT
DEAR DESPERATE: Yes. Get over it. You have confused love with obsession. If you continue pursuing this man, you are asking for a bigger dose of heartache than what you've already suffered.
Concentrate on the husband you have, and perhaps you'll have a marriage as successful as your former lover's.
DEAR ABBY: The mother of "Caged Up in Los Angeles," who won't allow her 19-year-old daughter out of the house after sundown, is making a tragic mistake.
She's teaching her daughter that she has no willpower, no conscience and no judgment. The mother fails to realize that if her daughter is so inclined, she can misbehave as easily at 2:30 in the afternoon as she might at 11 p.m.
That mother should be teaching her daughter the social skills. She should then permit her daughter to practice and refine them. If the mother fails to do this, she will be sending an unprepared, uninformed and inexperienced 25-year-old into society, thus doing a disservice to her daughter as well as those around her. -- N.P., SANTA MONICA, CALIF.
DEAR N.P.: I couldn't have said it better. I pray the young woman's mother recognizes herself, and eases up on her daughter.
DEAR ABBY: In commenting on your advice to "Sad Mom-to-Be," the woman signed "Been There, Done That" said her husband was also selfish, inconsiderate and inflexible, and her son is "now stuck with a name that means nothing to him."
I am always amazed that people who hate their names feel that they are stuck with them forever. "Been There" should look at her own "flexibility." My ex-husband and I have both changed our names, and so have at least five other relatives and several friends.
There are very few possessions, physical or acquired, that are not changeable nowadays, and my name was a lot easier to improve than my nose! -- GERTA FARBER, OAKLAND, CALIF.
DEAR GERTA: I salute your honesty -- and what an interesting and unusual name you chose. I'll wager that changing your name was a lot less expensive than your nose job.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Sister Resists Taking Sides in Brother's Bitter Breakup
DEAR ABBY: My youngest brother, Jim, and his wife, Mary, have been separated for a couple of years and plan to divorce. They have three children and I have four, all close in age.
About three weeks ago, my youngest son, Billy, said he missed his cousins and wanted to go to Aunt Mary's mobile home to visit them. I called my brother and asked how he felt about Billy's request. Jim said he would prefer that I not continue my friendship with Mary and the children. He said that we would be disloyal to him if we continue to see his estranged wife and their children.
A few days later, Billy saw his cousins in school, and they begged him to visit them. I then called Mary and she, too, invited us over. We had a very pleasant evening together.
The next morning, Jim arrived at my place and said, "I see that you chose Mary over me. I'm having a birthday party next weekend, and you and your kids are not invited. Furthermore, you can never come to my house again."
I replied, "OK, I'll be loyal to you! I won't see Mary again."
Jim said, "It's too late. You've made your choice." Then he stormed out.
I discussed my brother's attitude with our parents. Dad said, "You should be loyal to your brother." Mom said, "It's about feelings."
I think it's about Jim's insecurities.
Abby, maybe I shouldn't have gone to my estranged sister-in-law's home, but I don't think I was being disloyal to my brother. Do you think Jim was out of line? -- MINNEAPOLIS READER
DEAR READER: Your brother obviously is distraught at the breakup of his marriage, and yes, I would say that Jim was out of line.
It's sad enough that his children are losing their full-time father without losing their cousins as well.
Jim's attitude is all too common in divorce. You have the right to maintain a relationship with your brother's children. They are still family, so don't let Jim dissuade you.
DEAR ABBY: I must take issue with your answer to "Looking for Friends," the boring woman who did not know how to make friends. I think she needs an evaluation for depression, if it has not already been done, as part of her insomnia workup.
In my many years of practicing internal medicine, I have found that when I think a patient is boring (i.e., the inability to make small talk, and no sense of humor), the underlying problem is often depression. At times, the state of depression has been lifelong and the patient has no idea how to interact normally with other people. These same patients often seem angry and impatient, and my staff dreads dealing with them. Just like "Looking for Friends," they suffer from sleeping problems, a lack of "fun" and isolation.
The difference after medical treatment for depression is stunning. Their co-workers, and my staff, are amazed by their newfound ability to smile and make eye contact on casual greeting. They laugh easily and find conversation a pleasure. Even their appearance changes from drab clothing and a protective posture to bright accessories and an easy stance. Only then do they have the interest, the motivation and energy to view the world around them with curiosity, and pursue interests that will connect them with other people.
Abby, please advise this young woman to speak with her doctor or a mental health professional. -- JUDITH A. PALEY, M.D., DENVER
DEAR DR. PALEY: Thank you for offering your professional expertise. While I'm uncertain whether there is a connection between social ineptitude and depression, it could do no harm to have an evaluation -- particularly if the payoff is as profound as you describe. Readers, please take note.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)