To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Prisoners With Pen Pals Are Less Likely to Return to Pen
DEAR ABBY: You urged those who wish to correspond with prisoners to be cautious. You are right, but more needs to be said: Prisoners who have regular contact with an outside party have a lower rate of repeat crimes and are less likely to return to prison. Thus, writing to or visiting a prisoner regularly is a public service as well as a charitable act.
Volunteers should work through organizations that facilitate contacts with prisoners. These organizations are experienced with the risks that can be a part of such communication. They assist with screenings, instruct visitors or correspondents to neither send money nor reveal their home addresses or phone numbers to prisoners, and provide other training.
One can have a soft heart without having a soft head. -- GRACIA FAY ELLWOOD, ALTADENA, CALIF.
DEAR GRACIA: Succinctly put. Since I printed the letter from "Concerned in Arizona," I have received a flurry of mail reflecting varying viewpoints about writing to prisoners. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: I'm a radio talk-show host. For the past three years, I have written to and visited prisoners in my listening area. It's true one must always be careful when communicating with those unknown to us, but not so careful that we ignore those who are incarcerated.
Ninety percent of prisoners will do their time and be released back into society. It's important to maintain a connection to help them reintegrate and be productive citizens.
Here in Massachusetts, almost all of the educational, vocational and spiritual programs have been cut back or completely discontinued, resulting in uneducated, unemployable and angry people being released back into society. Writing to and visiting prisoners lets them know that someone cares and believes they can change for the better. You may use my name. -- DONNA SPRAGUE, PLAINVILLE, MASS.
DEAR DONNA: As I previously indicated, because a person is in prison does not automatically mean that he or she is incapable of being rehabilitated. Although some prisoners may have ulterior motives, many benefit from the encouragement and long-distance friendships mature pen pals can offer. However, I would urge that caution be exercised. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: My daughter is in prison for a crime she did not commit. (It's a long story.) During her incarceration, she has corresponded with several inmates at other prisons. Against my wishes, she gave my name and address to one of them and he wrote to me. After quite some time, she found out what type of person he really is, and I don't want him coming to my home if he's ever paroled.
A post office box is the only way to protect your privacy, your property, and quite possibly your life. Sign this with anything but my name. -- CONCERNED MOM IN TEXAS
DEAR ABBY: I have been in prison for 10 years and have known prisoners who receive mail and those who get none. I believe if you show compassion, you'll receive compassion. (Galatians 6:7, "A man reaps what he sows.") Most prisoners aren't hard-core criminals, and we are unforgiving of those who are. That's why prison officials put pedophiles and rapists in protective custody -- away from us.
I realize that some misfortunes have occurred with prison pen pals and I don't excuse it. However, ministers who encourage their parishioners to write to and visit prisoners perform a great humanitarian service.
So, Abby, now you have heard from the other side of the wall. I'm sure I speak for a large percentage of inmates. -- REALLY CONCERNED, FLORENCE, COLO.
Rules Posted All Over Office Give New Worker Wrong Sign
DEAR ABBY: I recently transferred to a new office, and I have never seen so many people who are experts on what should or shouldn't be done. They post signs everywhere: "Do Not Move Coffeepot While Coffee Is Brewing," "Do Not Use This Door Except for Emergencies," "Do Not Throw This or That Into the Garbage," "Do Not Use This Ice Tray," etc.
I would never have the gall to put up a sign every time someone did something of which I disapproved. Am I wrong to be offended? I come in every day to find that something I have done is not right according to somebody else's rules, and a big sign has been posted saying, "Do Not Do This or That."
These people are not bosses. Why do they think they have the right to make up rules for everyone else to follow? -- SICK OF SIGNS, BIRMINGHAM, ALA.
DEAR SICK OF SIGNS: Don't be so quick to take offense. You are the newcomer in an office where the style of communication may not be yours, but it is the established style. If the signs are not posted specifically at your desk, don't take them personally -- they are probably not intended only for you. They are meant to help the staff learn office procedures without confronting anyone directly and causing hurt feelings.
DEAR ABBY: Thanks to you, I am now $1,000 richer because of the advice you gave to the lady who wrote saying she had lent $1,000 to a friend 20 years ago. She wondered if her friend had forgotten the debt, and she could use the money now. She asked if you felt it was appropriate to remind her friend about the debt.
You replied, "By all means, you have nothing to lose, and you could be $1,000 richer."
I cut out your column and sent it to the old friend who borrowed the $1,000 from me more than 30 years ago. A check and a nice letter arrived by return mail!
I hope the lady who wrote you was as lucky as I was. Thank you, Dear Abby. Your column is priceless. -- GRATEFUL IN ARIZONA
DEAR GRATEFUL: No need to thank me -- that's what I'm here for. I'm pleased to know your efforts were rewarded.
DEAR ABBY: I am enclosing something I think might give you and your readers a chuckle. By the way, I am nearly 83 years old. -- MARIA JOAN SMITH, GRANTS PASS, ORE.
DEAR MARIA JOAN SMITH: I agree - it's cute. And regardless of denomination, there's something in it for almost everyone. Read on:
FIRE: WHAT TO DO
During a recent ecumenical gathering, a secretary rushed in shouting, "The building is on fire!"
The METHODISTS gathered in the corner and prayed.
The BAPTISTS cried, "Where is the water?"
The QUAKERS quietly praised God for the blessings that fire brings.
The LUTHERANS posted a notice on the door declaring the fire was evil.
The ROMAN CATHOLICS passed the plate to cover the damage.
The JEWS posted symbols on the doors hoping the fire would pass.
The CONGREGATIONALISTS shouted, "Every man for himself!"
The FUNDAMENTALISTS proclaimed, "It's the vengeance of God!"
The EPISCOPALIANS formed a procession and marched out.
The CHRISTIAN SCIENTISTS concluded that there was no fire.
The PRESBYTERIANS appointed a chairperson who was to appoint a committee to look into the matter and submit a written report.
The secretary grabbed the fire extinguisher and put the fire out.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Firefighter Wife Has Tip or Two for Hairdressers Who Complain
DEAR ABBY: It infuriates me when people write to you to complain about how cheap some people are when it comes to tipping.
I am one of those cheap tippers. Let me explain.
My husband is a firefighter. Who tips him? Nobody! After he has risked his life to save others, their pets or personal belongings, do you think the city or the victim hands him $50 and says, "Thanks for a job well done"? Never! After he has pulled a drunk from a car wreck at 3 a.m., do you believe someone will tip him or the police officers? They won't.
Does my husband expect a tip? No.
Abby, I know hairdressers who make more money than my husband does, so I say let's put an end to the tipping debate. My advice to hairdressers is, "Get over it and be happy with what you receive." -- TIRED OF TIPPING IN INDIANA
DEAR TIRED OF TIPPING: Firefighters and police officers may not receive monetary tips, but recognition and rewards are not as rare as you may believe. I have known of celebrations to honor local heroes, as well as money drives to benefit fire and police departments, and the families of these public servants.
Not all people in the beauty business are salaried. Most of them need their tips to achieve and maintain a decent standard of living.
P.S. If you had signed your name, you'd be wearing a "Mohawk" for life.
DEAR ABBY: It has always disturbed me that in the white culture, women fear old age and want to look younger.
In our Native American culture, one is given a birth name; but at age 13, young men are sent out into the woods for four days to fast until they see their "vision," at which time they return and describe it to the medicine man. Then they are given their adult names.
After age 50, one is considered an "elder" of the nation or tribe, and a ceremony is held where we are given our "elder name." When individuals become elders, they are highly respected for their wisdom and are taken care of by our people as long as they live. I am proud to be an "elder" of my tribe. I don't dye my hair because pure white hair is growing in; I'm proud to be getting elderly.
We don't send our elderly off to convalescent homes or hospitals and forget about them because they're old and senile and too much trouble to deal with. We take care of them and listen to their traditional stories, which we pass on to our children and grandchildren. We have a strong spirit for our people, especially our old people.
Too bad white people don't look at life as stages, and death as a transformation to a beautiful spiritual life -- forever.
I am married to a great hereditary chief related to Chief Greylock, so I am a princess by title. May the Great Spirit walk with you and give people the wisdom of what it means to be elderly. -- PRINCESS SHEILA RUNNING WATER, PROUD ELDER OF THE WABANAKI NATION, GREAT SACRED FALLS, VT.
DEAR PRINCESS SHEILA: At the risk of generalizing, many individuals of various races regard their lives as "stages." And they'd prefer to postpone the last stage as long as possible. Entire industries have been built upon this principle.
DEAR ABBY: One more gripe from a senior citizen. Mine concerns having a mammogram.
As I stand there with my bare breasts hanging down to my waist, my silver hair glistening in the bright light, the X-ray technician asks me, "Are you pregnant?" -- D.M.K. IN LARGO, FLA.
DEAR D.M.K.: If you take into account the fact that a 64-year-old woman recently gave birth to a child through the miracle of hormone therapy and in vitro fertilization, I think that's not an unfair question.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)