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DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving Day, so here's my traditional Thanksgiving column.
Take a few minutes to think about what you have to be thankful for.
How's your health? Not so good? Well, thank God you've lived this long. A lot of people haven't. You're hurting? Thousands -- maybe millions -- are hurting more. (Have you ever visited a veterans hospital? Or a rehabilitation clinic for crippled children?)
If you awakened this morning and were able to hear the birds sing, use your vocal cords to utter human sounds, walk to the breakfast table on two good legs and read the newspaper with two good eyes, praise the Lord! A lot of people couldn't.
How's your pocketbook? Thin? Well, most of the world is a lot poorer. No pensions. No welfare. No food stamps. No Social Security. In fact, one-third of the people in the world will go to bed hungry tonight.
Are you lonely? The way to have a friend is to be one. If nobody calls you, call someone. Go out of your way to do something nice for somebody. It's a sure cure for the blues.
Are you concerned about your country's future? Hooray! Our system has been saved by such concern -- concern for fair play under the law. Your country may not be a rose garden, but it also is not a patch of weeds.
Freedom rings! Look and listen. You can still worship at the church of your choice, cast a secret ballot, and even criticize your government without fearing a knock on the head or a knock on the door at midnight. And if you want to live under a different system, you are free to go. There are no walls or fences -- nothing to keep you here.
As a final thought, I'll repeat my Thanksgiving prayer; perhaps you will want to use it at your table today:
O, heavenly Father,
We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.
We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.
We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.
May these remembrances stir us to service.
That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.
Have a wonderful Thanksgiving, and may God bless you and yours. -- LOVE, ABBY
An afterthought: Want an instant high? The surest cure for the post-holiday blues is to do something nice for someone. Why not call someone who lives alone and invite him (or her) over for dinner?
Better yet, call and say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get home." (Many older people don't drive, and those who do don't like to go out alone after dark.)
Try it. And let me know the results.
P.S. Special greetings to those of you in the military who wrote from remote corners of the world to tell me that you are using my Thanksgiving prayer on this Thanksgiving Day.
NEIGHBOR SEARCHES FOR ANSWER TO BOY WHOSE QUESTIONS ANNOY
DEAR ABBY: What is the proper way to handle a problem with a 4-year-old boy whose parents pay no mind to what he is doing or whom he is annoying? The child is always outdoors early in the morning and also in the evening -- unsupervised. He constantly stops everyone he sees and asks a hundred questions.
He is a nice little boy, and while I feel for him, I wonder how these parents could allow him to roam with no supervision, expecting the neighborhood to entertain and care for him.
I have a 6-year-old son and I never allow him in the front yard unless I am there to watch him. I would never permit him to bother the neighbors. However, when I go out with my son, I always have to deal with the endless questions from the neighbor boy.
It's not fair that when I have time to take my son outside I have to baby-sit this neighbor child. I've asked him where his mother is and have sent him home many times, but he comes back again and again.
It's not his fault, and I hate to be mean to him. I blame his parents. Abby, what am I to do? -- UNWILLING BABY SITTER IN NEW YORK
DEAR UNWILLING: The child may simply be curious, or he may crave attention from an adult.
Instead of asking him where his mother is, check to be sure there is an adult in the home. Introduce yourself to the head of the household and express your concern. A 4-year-old is too young to be outdoors alone with no supervision -- particularly since he approaches any adult who happens to be nearby. If the mother can't watch her child, she should make arrangements for someone else to do it.
Your gesture may be met with some degree of hostility -- but for the sake of the child, you should make it.
DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help me. I'm at my wit's end. I have a daughter, 28, I'll call Susie.
Susie steals everything she sees, mostly from the family. I'll buy things for my personal use, and when she visits my house I have to lock my bedroom door so she won't get into my bureau. She even swipes things from the kitchen. My three older children don't behave that way. They are all trustworthy.
Susie, however, keeps taking what she wants from me and her brothers and sisters. She even stole my youngest son's jeans. We have confronted her, but it does no good.
Abby, can you tell me how we can stop her from stealing from us? -- STICKY FINGERS' MOM
DEAR MOM: Susie clearly needs professional help to overcome her compulsion to steal. If your daughter doesn't respect ownership in her own family, it could lead to thievery outside the home, where the authorities may not be so tolerant.
DEAR ABBY: I am 14 years old and have a boyfriend the same age. We see each other at school and talk on the phone (I am not allowed to date yet). Many times our conversations are about nothing. Can you please help me think of some things to talk about with him? I get embarrassed by the long silences on the phone, but I don't want to hang up.
I would appreciate any help you can give me. -- CLUELESS IN NEW ORLEANS
DEAR CLUELESS: Ask your boyfriend questions about himself, his family, hobbies, pets, etc. It is easy to talk about events at school that you are both familiar with, and friends you have in common.
What about a favorite television program, movie or book? Also, there are many events happening in the world every day. Read the newspaper and ask him what he thinks about something currently in the news.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are expecting our first child soon and are concerned about what effect secondhand smoke will have on our baby.
My mother smokes -- a lot! I know I'm probably ultrasensitive right now since I'm pregnant, but it's very hard to be around her. She smells, her house smells, her car smells.
Apart from her cigarettes she'd be a terrific grandmother. She's wonderful with her other grandchildren. We've talked about having her come to our house to visit and care for the baby, but she doesn't want to come because she can't smoke here.
Am I being too sensitive to this issue? She's not going to quit smoking. We've tried for years to get her to quit, but we have been unsuccessful.
I can't very well keep her grandchild away from her, and we'd love to have her help, but ... What do you suggest? -- ANTI-SMOKER IN ST. LOUIS
DEAR ANTI-SMOKER: You are not being too sensitive. I am also an anti-smoker. In fact, I'm a "nut" on the subject!
Even the most hooked smoker can quit if he or she has an incentive. Everything has its price. Make the reward for not smoking sufficiently attractive -- and you will see a miracle occur before your eyes. Trust me.
DEAR ABBY: I need your help to resolve an ongoing fight in our home. My husband reads during every meal. Whether it's a newspaper, magazine or cereal box, he props it up in front of him and reads. I find this rude and asked him to stop -- but he sees nothing wrong with it.
Even more bothersome is his giving me a summary of everything he reads. He doesn't make conversation -- he simply tells me what he reads.
Other than that, and the fact that he refuses to help me teach our young children table manners, our marriage is great. Perhaps I shouldn't complain. However, friends of mine also complain about this same fault, so your advice could help others as well.
Abby, please help me convince my husband that mealtime should be family time and the reading material should be put aside for another time. My husband will listen to you. -- KATHLEEN, SAN PEDRO, CALIF.
DEAR KATHLEEN: If this is the only flaw in an otherwise perfect husband, thank your lucky stars. Compromise. Offer to keep quiet about breakfast table reading if he will make dinnertime a family affair. He owes you one of the two, and dinnertime is preferable.
DEAR ABBY: At our card parties and after-church services, some of our friends come over and kiss us on the cheeks. My husband and I would much rather say "Hello," and put a hand on their arms or shoulders and talk.
How can a person gracefully get out of kissing acquaintances hello and goodbye? -- MARIE IN CHERRY HILL, N.J.
DEAR MARIE: It may require some fancy footwork. When your friends approach, say "Hello" as you step to the side and put your hand on their arm, giving it a gentle squeeze, or give them a quick sideways shoulder hug. Or, turn your face from the kiss as you softly say, "Sorry, I don't want to spread my germs."
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