Abby shares more of her favorite, easy-to-prepare recipes. To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, More Favorite Recipes, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
PRACTICING MUSICIANS ROCK NEIGHBORS' PEACE AND QUIET
DEAR ABBY: We are a group of neighbors who have lived in this area for 40 years or more. Some of us work nights and sleep days. This has always been a quiet, well-tended area until recently.
A new family with young adult children moved into our neighborhood. One of them wants to be a drummer and practices constantly. To be honest, he has no talent. On weekends, his friends practice with him. They are just as bad. One of them thinks he's a singer. I've heard mating cats that sounded better. Between this would-be drummer, the truly bad singer and the loud amps, our weekends have become nightmares.
It's not that we don't like modern music. Our son plays the drums with a group, and our nephew plays keyboard and sings with a professional group.
We have asked them to tone it down, or to simply give us a break now and then. You can't believe the rude answers we have received. At one point, I was told that I could always move.
Recently, one of the neighbors was injured at work and suffered a heart attack during surgery. His doctor ordered complete bed rest and no stress. Because of the noise, this is impossible. The parents of the drummer refuse to acknowledge that there is a problem.
Other than committing mayhem, what can we do to restore our peace and quiet? Please advise before someone loses control. -- DESPERATE NEIGHBORS IN L.A.
DEAR DESPERATE: Since the parents of the young musician have refused to meet you halfway, you must consider other options.
Investing in earplugs might bring some relief, and soundproofing your homes could be another option. Also consider sound-absorbing drapes with acoustical linings, double-glazed windows or storm windows, upholstered walls and wood paneling with insulation between the paneling and walls.
Most cities have noise ordinances. Show a copy of the ordinance to your neighbors. (Noise can be measured with a device called a "decibel meter," which is available in some electronics stores or through specialty catalogs.) If the noise violates the noise restrictions in your neighborhood, as a last resort, the courts may be able to provide a solution to your problem.
DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Megan," asked "Adam," the boy down the street, to a dance. They are both 14 years old. They went and had a good time. Over the next few weeks, Megan and Adam saw each other a couple of times, always in supervised situations.
Adam has two younger sisters, 7 and 2 years old. Megan has been their baby sitter on occasion. After my daughter and Adam had seen each other several times, Adam's mother again asked Megan to baby-sit.
When Megan got to their house, she found that Adam was going to be there all evening, too. Knowing I would not approve of her being alone with Adam, Megan phoned me. I walked down to find out exactly what Adam's plans for the evening were. He said he wasn't going anywhere, but I could trust him. I told him it wasn't a matter of trust, but Megan wasn't allowed to stay with a boy unchaperoned. I decided to stay until Adam's mother got home.
Now everyone is calling me "overprotective." What do you think? -- PROTECTIVE MOM
DEAR PROTECTIVE MOM: It would seem that Adam is old enough to baby-sit for his own sisters, since he is the same age as your daughter. However, since Adam's mother preferred to have Megan care for the children, she should have let you know that Adam would be there also. You and Megan would then have had an opportunity to discuss how to handle the situation.
Since you did not have all the information up front, there was no harm in your staying with your daughter until the mother returned.
Financial Education for Kids Is Smart Investment in Future
DEAR ABBY: I am a retired credit executive with more than 40 years of experience dealing with people mired in credit card payments.
In your column on credit card debt, "Free and Clear in Florida" wrote: "... it is not uncommon for people to be caught up in the vicious cycle of paying for things on credit and being able to afford only the minimum monthly payments."
We have a large segment of the population who are economically illiterate consumers and do not understand how to spend intelligently, save wisely, invest, or do simple financial planning.
Yes, the credit card companies and other credit granters are partially to blame for encouraging people to live beyond their means, which creates financial stress for the debtors and their families. However, debtors who are poorly informed about money matters should shoulder some of the responsibility for their own difficulties.
The problem is of serious nationwide concern. An estimated 1.1 million individuals filed for bankruptcy in 1996 (up 27 percent from 1995)! Besides the emotional stress for these people, such losses become part of the cost of doing business and cause consumers to pay higher prices, higher interest rates and fees.
There's now talk about revamping and toughening the nation's bankruptcy code. In my opinion, such revisions are merely Band-Aid solutions. The flaw is not only in the bankruptcy code, but also in our failure to provide programs that give students a head start in understanding consumer economics (along with the rights and responsibilities of using credit). A financial education curriculum could help students develop financial skills and money sense -- knowledge that can help them use their money to the greatest benefit. Such a program would benefit both students and credit granters.
If school funds are not available now to finance a money management program, this would be a project worthy of support from public and corporate funds. -- BEN BERMAN, LOS ANGELES
DEAR MR. BERMAN: That's an excellent idea, and one whose time has come.
A wide-ranging group of federal government, business and civic organizations has banded together to advocate for the inclusion of personal financial education for kindergarten through 12th-grade curriculums. This new resource for educators is the Jump$tart Coalition. Its mission: to improve financial literacy among youth during the next decade.
The Jump$tart Coalition provides a clearinghouse for personal finance training materials. By sponsoring educational materials and lobbying for more financial education, Jump$tart hopes to increase education and awareness in four areas: income, money management, saving and investing, and spending. Its primary method of providing information will be the Internet, where it has launched a Web page at http://www.jumpstartcoalition.org, or call toll-free (888) 400-2233.
DEAR ABBY: I have some suggestions to add to your caveat regarding caution for people who choose to write to prison inmates: Never give an inmate your phone number or your home address. Use a post office box. Do not send gifts (although postage and small stationery for return letters is appropriate). Letters provide inmates with a sense of respect and caring they rarely receive outside or in prison. -- LEARNED THE HARD WAY, MONTGOMERY, ALA.
To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Young Mother's Happy Marriage Still Leaves Her Feeling Lonely
DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old mother of two children and have been happily married to a wonderful, caring man for three years; we dated for two years before we got married. My husband's career is demanding and he has very little time off. He works with the public, so when he has time off, he doesn't feel like socializing. I attend college part-time and also visit friends a couple times a week, but I still feel lonely.
Lately, I've found myself thinking about a man I used to date. We had a lot in common and had many good times together. We live in a small town and I run into him often. I have been tempted to ask him out for coffee. I don't want to be unfaithful to my husband, but I want to enjoy life while I'm young.
Abby, do you see any harm in going for coffee with my ex-boyfriend? -- FEELING FORTY
DEAR FEELING FORTY: Yes. Why ask for trouble?
Concentrate on rekindling the romance in your marriage. Begin by telling your husband that you miss his company, then hire a baby sitter and go out for a romantic dinner. Remind yourself of all the reasons you married your wonderful man, and turn to your girlfriends for the rest of your socializing.
DEAR ABBY: I would like to reply to "Looking for Love in Dallas." The solution to his problem is simple: Introduce his wife to my husband. They would be a perfect match!
After only three months of marriage, my husband won't kiss, touch, cuddle, hug or even discuss the problem. Sex is only a memory.
I am 60, still sexy and crave all of the above. Maybe we could arrange a trade-off. -- LOOKING FOR LOVE IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.
DEAR LOOKING FOR LOVE: You have my sympathy, but I do not recommend mate-swapping. To paraphrase the great bard, William Shakespeare: 'Tis better to bear the ills you know than fly to others you know not of.
DEAR ABBY: The realization of my lifelong dream finally arrived when, at age 50, I left my high-pressure job as a nurse-manager to enter the world of fashion by opening my very own dress shop.
I love my shop and enjoy everything about the retail business with one notable exception. I was ill-prepared to deal with the devious methods used by shoplifters to sneak merchandise out the door.
After initiating all the usual procedures to minimize theft, I have instituted a method of my own. I warn shoplifters that getting caught and arrested may be the least of their worries. I have posted the following notice on the walls of my changing rooms:
AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO WOULD STEAL FROM ME
"Some stores have signs that say, 'Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.' That is the least of it. If you steal from me, I will put a 'curse' on you that will ...
"Widen your hips,
"Lower your boobs,
"Flab-out your butt,
"And thunder your thighs.
"Your feet will lengthen,
"Your face will wrinkle,
"Your teeth will yellow and your hair will thin.
"Your eyesight will falter 'til the only light you can see is cellulite.
"Jail will start looking pretty good to you
"Compared to your own image in the mirror.
"Think about it." -- SHELLY DEMARCO, HOLLYWOOD, FLA.
DEAR SHELLY: Bravo! If that doesn't do it, nothing will!
What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)