DEAR ABBY: The realization of my lifelong dream finally arrived when, at age 50, I left my high-pressure job as a nurse-manager to enter the world of fashion by opening my very own dress shop.
I love my shop and enjoy everything about the retail business with one notable exception. I was ill-prepared to deal with the devious methods used by shoplifters to sneak merchandise out the door.
After initiating all the usual procedures to minimize theft, I have instituted a method of my own. I warn shoplifters that getting caught and arrested may be the least of their worries. I have posted the following notice on the walls of my changing rooms:
AN OPEN LETTER TO THOSE WHO WOULD STEAL FROM ME
"Some stores have signs that say, 'Shoplifters will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.' That is the least of it. If you steal from me, I will put a 'curse' on you that will ...
"Widen your hips,
"Lower your boobs,
"Flab-out your butt,
"And thunder your thighs.
"Your feet will lengthen,
"Your face will wrinkle,
"Your teeth will yellow and your hair will thin.
"Your eyesight will falter 'til the only light you can see is cellulite.
"Jail will start looking pretty good to you
"Compared to your own image in the mirror.
"Think about it." -- SHELLY DEMARCO, HOLLYWOOD, FLA.
DEAR SHELLY: Bravo! If that doesn't do it, nothing will!