What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
DEAR ABBY: Please allow me to give your readers some lifesaving advice about fire: Take it seriously. Every year the National Fire Protection Association chooses a special theme for Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 5-11 this year), to focus needed attention on the fire problem. For 1997, it's "Know when to go! React fast to fire." It's the basis for an educational campaign to get people thinking about fire BEFORE it happens.
We selected "Know when to go! React fast to fire" because it's vital that people understand that fire and smoke alarms must be taken seriously, wherever you may be. Please ask your readers to take these simple steps:
-- When in public buildings, such as restaurants, malls, etc., always locate the two exits nearest you. If you see blocked exits, or doors that are chained, report it immediately to someone in charge. (Call the fire department if it isn't promptly corrected.)
-- If you hear a fire alarm, react immediately. Don't wait to see what others do. In most cases, the safest action is to leave the building. Wait until the fire department gives you clearance before you go back inside.
-- When staying in hotels, always familiarize yourself with the escape plan posted on the door of your room. Locate the two exits nearest you and check the doors to make sure they're unlocked.
-- Set a good example for your children. In a calm and positive way, point out exits and talk about the safest response in the event of a fire. Have a home fire-escape plan and practice it twice a year. If the alarm does sound, stay calm -- but leave quickly.
Obviously, there is a great deal more information on fire safety. However, these key points will go a long way toward preventing fire injuries and deaths. Thank you, Abby, for sharing them with your readers. With your help, we're working to reduce the fire loss problem in the United States and all over the world. -- GEORGE D. MILLER, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION
DEAR MR. MILLER: I'm pleased to help you publicize a message as important as this one. Too often people underestimate the speed and growth of a fire. They think there's plenty of time to escape, but in a fire, time is the enemy. It's important to plan ahead for an emergency, to know when to go -- and to act immediately. It can make the difference between life and death.
DEAR ABBY: I've been married for eight years and have always had problems with my mother-in-law. I'll call her "Girdie."
Last week, Girdie came over to our house, uninvited, with all of her church friends, to parade through "her son's house" to show it off. Abby, she walked right past me after I opened the door and began her tour. She went into all of the bedrooms and bathrooms, and I felt like it wasn't even my home anymore.
Is there any way to gracefully hint that her actions are not appreciated without starting World War III? -- FRUSTRATED IN CLOVIS, CALIF.
DEAR FRUSTRATED: Your mother-in-law appears to have the hide of a rhino. However, when personality types like hers are challenged, they often become extremely sensitive to criticism. Therefore, your husband should tell his mother that she placed you in an embarrassing situation with her unannounced visit and by bringing strangers into your home without first consulting you. He should also insist that she never do it again.
Pawn Shop Inventory Helps Police Track Stolen Ring
DEAR ABBY: I recently had an experience that might be of help to others. I have lived in a nursing home for the last 15 years because of multiple sclerosis. Near the end of June, my diamond ring was stolen out of my purse. For two weeks I was hot, then cold about calling the police or pawn shops, telling myself, "What are they going to do about it? A pawn shop won't admit it has stolen merchandise." Finally, I decided what harm can it do?
The man at the second pawn shop I called said, "We have 150 rings come in here a day, and we have a lot of people working here. I wouldn't necessarily see that ring if it did come in. Call the pawn shop squad at the police department. Every day, every pawn shop in the city is required to send this squad a list of everything they've taken in that day."
I called, and 24 hours later the detective called back with the news that he had my ring. No one to whom I have told this story has ever heard of the pawn shop squad, so a friend suggested I tell you about it. I'm assuming other cities have the same setup.
A lot of jewelry is stolen in nursing homes. I'm just realizing much of it could be recovered if people knew enough to call this squad. The aide who was responsible for the theft of my ring used her driver's license as ID. Her signature verified it. She's out on bail now, awaiting disposition of the case. -- HAPPY IN BUFFALO, N.Y.
DEAR HAPPY: In many cities, owners of pawn shops are required to forward their inventory lists to the police, who review them. However, not all police departments have "pawn shop squads" such as the one you describe, nor do they encourage direct communication of this kind.
Victims of theft should immediately report it to the police by filing a formal police report.
DEAR ABBY: Recently a young woman asked you how to mend a broken heart. Part of your advice was to get rid of everything -- photos, mementos, gifts -- that remind her of him. I disagree.
Our lives are a story, and stories are held in pictures and gifts. You should have told her she might put them out of sight, but the truth is our memories come from our hearts.
I am 42 years old and have been "in love" several times. I have been married to my husband for 10 wonderful years, but we both had lives and loves before we met. On the day we married, we both gathered and boxed up our years of memorabilia. We labeled them "Joan's Bones" and "David's Bones."
Our earlier treasures are part of who we were and part of who we have become. It will not help to destroy tangible items when the heart has already been affected in an intangible way. -- JOAN IN OREGON
DEAR JOAN: Doing away with painful reminders can provide a much-needed cleansing and speed the healing process. I see nothing wrong with keeping souvenirs. However, keeping them in plain sight can be very depressing just after a relationship has ended. Therefore, I advise putting them out of sight while the wounds are fresh.
For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
WIFE CAN'T GET HUSBAND OUT FROM UNDER HIS MOM'S THUMB
DEAR ABBY: For 15 years, my marriage and family were fairly normal. Then we moved back to be near my in-laws and help while my father-in-law was ill. Two years ago, he died. And I have now lost my husband (I'll call him Jack) -- to his mother! He has become mama's little boy again.
My mother-in-law is an energetic, bright and creative woman. Even when we lived far away, she tried to run his life, and that of our family. Now that we live nearby, she completely runs and ruins everything. She buys the attention of our children with things that we can't afford and really prefer they not have. She has time to cook elaborate meals, take the kids on trips, etc. She criticizes my cooking, my housekeeping, the way we discipline the children -- everything. And my husband, though he can manage a corporation, has never been able to stand up to his mother.
Almost every night she has something "new" to show one of the children. Every night she has some little chore for Jack to do. On weekends, she has already made plans for herself, my husband and the children. She makes it abundantly clear that I am not welcome to participate. I have suggested counseling for us, or at least talking to our pastor. Since his mother doesn't like our pastor, that got shot down.
If I were to leave Jack, it would be my fault, of course. Abby, what does one do when the "other woman" is a man's mother? -- CHARLOTTE IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR CHARLOTTE: If I were you, the first thing I'd do is start looking for another man -- for your mother-in-law! With all that energy, she needs an outlet other than her son and grandchildren.
DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old girl and my best friend, Cliff, is 21. We have been best friends for about three years and even tried dating, but it never worked for us. We agreed a long time ago that if we didn't get married, we'd be in each other's weddings.
Well, Cliff is getting married next spring and has asked me to be his "best man." I accepted. He was originally going to have a male friend for his best man, and I was going to serve cake or take care of the guest book. But Cliff decided he wants me to have the honor.
My problem is that my mother doesn't approve. She and my dad were married in 1967 and still believe in the traditional way of doing things. I called several bridal shops and was told that I won't be the first woman to be a "best man." Cliff's fiance, his mother and the rest of the wedding party are all for it.
Cliff adores my parents. He calls them "Mamma" and "Dad." He values their opinion as much as I do, but we both want me to be his best man.
Abby, what do you think? Is it appropriate for a woman to be a groom's best man? -- BEST FRIEND IN KENNESAW, GA.
DEAR BEST FRIEND: It is unusual but not inappropriate for a woman to be a "best man." That honor usually goes to the groom's brother, his closest friend, or even his father if they are very close.
Since you are Cliff's best friend, and there is no objection on the part of the bride or her family, you certainly qualify.
DEAR ABBY: Regarding the letters in your column about fractured Spanish: Some years ago my wife and I were in the airport in Madrid, Spain. They had a grill with hotdogs on it, and I was hungry!
I asked the cook three times for a hotdog. No response. Then I said, "Caliente woof-woof, por favor."
I got my hotdog, pronto! -- MARVIN RUBENSTEIN, SCOTTSDALE, ARIZ.
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)