Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
KIDS' HALLOWEEN CANDY HAUL IS SHARED WITH GREAT PUMPKIN
DEAR ABBY: For several years I have wanted to share this little trick for parents whose small children consume too much candy at Halloween. Finally, I've found the time to write, and it's actually BEFORE Halloween.
I have always told my children, thanks to Linus in the "Peanuts" comic strip by Charles M. Schulz, that the Great Pumpkin comes on Halloween night and brings a gift for the children who leave him candy. The more of their candy they leave, the bigger the gift is. To make this work -- and my children have never kept more than five pieces of candy -- you must begin when the children are very young, and keep reminding them that the more candy they leave, the BIGGER the gift. When my children keep only five pieces and turn the rest over to the Great Pumpkin, they get a substantial gift that they really want.
It's worth it to me. My kids have never had a cavity. And my husband and his co-workers are more than happy to eat what the Great Pumpkin reaps. I hope this works for other families. -- NO SUGAR IN SEATTLE
DEAR NO SUGAR: What a "sweet" idea for parents who try to limit their children's sugar intake. It's a suggestion I'm sure many parents will welcome this Halloween.
And while I'm on the subject of Halloween, may I add a few more tips from the National Citizens' Crime Prevention Campaign, which is substantially funded by the U.S. Department of Justice:
1. Instruct children not to eat any treats until they get home. Feed them a meal or snack before they go out to keep them from digging in while they're out. Parents should inspect all the treats.
2. Allow children to eat only those treats that are in unopened and original wrappers. Carefully inspect fruits and homemade goodies.
3. Make sure children wear light colors or put reflective tape on their flame-retardant costumes, which should be short to prevent trips and falls.
4. Try makeup instead of masks, which can obstruct a child's vision.
5. Children should trick-or-treat in groups, and stop only at familiar homes where the outside lights are on. Young children should always be accompanied by an adult.
6. Map out a safe route to familiar homes for older trick-or-treaters, and make sure the children have flashlights, and that they stay on well-lighted streets.
DEAR ABBY: Your letter to "Sleepless, But Not in Seattle," struck a familiar note with me. My natural sleep rhythm also makes me a night owl. I have been like this as far back as I can remember, going to bed after midnight and waking up around 10 a.m. I was always teased about it, and my mother used to stand at the bottom of the stairs and sing, "Lazy Mary, Will You Get Up?"
Now that I'm an adult, I get the same attitude from my husband. He's snoozing in his recliner by 8 p.m. (nobody says he's lazy), and I'm wide awake for four more hours. I even wear a nightshirt that says, "Perky Morning People Should Be Shot!"
I don't know why "Sleepless" should be considered to have a "condition" that can be relieved. She's fine. She should find a job on the second shift and work from 3 p.m. to midnight, or work the swing shift. She'll be glad she did. No sense dragging around, waiting for retirement to enjoy life. Sign me ... SLEEPLESS IN LOUISIANA
DEAR SLEEPLESS: If other factors in "Sleepless's" life don't compel her to conform, that's certainly an option worth exploring.
DEAR ABBY: I had to write you after reading the column on the merits of home-schooling. I am a fourth-grade teacher who has taught for many years.
Abby, I cringe every time I hear the words "home-schooling." I am sure that the students who wrote you were sincere; and yes, there are some advantages to being home-taught.
However, my experience has taught me that without exception, children who come into my class after being home-taught have large gaps in their education. They tend to read well and write using proper grammar and spelling, but their writing is stilted and disorganized. Social sciences are lacking and science is a foreign word. Furthermore, they can't problem-solve in cooperative groups, which is an essential skill in the job market of today.
Today's education involves more than just the basics. Students need to understand concepts, and that problems can be approached in more than one way and can have more than one solution.
Teaching is a full-time job, and I have never met a parent who can give his/her children the quality of education I can offer. -- BETTY MONTGOMERY, DIAMOND BAR, CALIF.
DEAR BETTY: Thank you for writing. I heard from many enthusiastic home-schooled students; however, it is important to hear the views of professional educators. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: Parents who teach their children at home should think carefully about what they're trying to accomplish and examine the teaching materials. The content and quality of teaching materials are rarely mentioned in judging home-schooling but are extremely important. Books used at home are usually well-written and illustrated, but those published by the fundamentalist movement may be slanted to their beliefs, and parents should examine them carefully to make sure the material is compatible with their own beliefs.
For example, one social studies book makes negative comments about Catholicism, Buddhism, Hinduism, Shintoism, Greek Orthodoxy and Islam.
A book on science claims that God created the universe from nothing in six days; that evolution is an imagined process in which things form by themselves without a creator and somehow keep improving; that problems on the Earth are due to God's cursing it; and that the age of the Earth and fossils is merely guesswork.
A book on history and geography claims that Indians declined after Adam's fall, remembered the Flood, worshiped spirits and lived in fear of nature; it minimizes Puritan intolerance and omits their witch-hunts. Some books on American literature contain sermons as examples. These books provide few discussion questions to develop critical thinking.
Some home-schooling has a narrow agenda that deprives students of a well-rounded education. -- HUGO BORRESEN, RETIRED TEACHER, GAINESVILLE, FLA.
DEAR MR. BORRESEN: I agree with you that, if possible, the parents should be familiar with what their children are learning. Read on:
DEAR ABBY: It's amazing that so many readers give home-schooling high marks. I never would have attempted it. In high school I had four years of English, French and history; two years of Latin, chemistry and physics; and one year of algebra, plane and solid geometry and trigonometry. Not many parents are qualified to teach these subjects more than 20 years later.
When our son was enrolled in advanced biology, his teacher held up the textbook and said, "More than half the contents of this book are new since your parents attended high school."
A high level of literacy is commendable, as is an early foundation in the humanities, but I doubt that would have been sufficient for our two children to gain admission to, let alone graduate with honors from, two Ivy League colleges. -- DALLAS DAD
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Abandoned Refrigerators Are Dangerous Playground for Kids
DEAR ABBY: I have never written to you before, and I'm sorry it has to be about something so tragic.
Here in Utah, two children died after playing hide-and-seek in an old refrigerator. The refrigerator had been left in a rural area, lying on its back with the door open.
No one really knows what caused this tragedy -- whether the door fell shut and trapped the boys, or whether they closed it in order to "hide."
Abby, please put a warning in your column about this potential danger. If one person will heed it, perhaps other children will not lose their lives. -- VIRGINIA JOHNS
DEAR VIRGINIA: This is not the first time I have been asked to warn my readers about the dangers posed by stored or abandoned refrigerators, which can be death traps for children.
Unused refrigerators and freezers should have the doors removed so that tragedies like this can be prevented.
DEAR ABBY: In your reply to "Steaming in Dallas," who wrote about her in-laws who believed a man should be in charge of all financial and other matters of major importance, you stated that the in-laws' values "are firmly rooted in another century." Don't be too sure about that, Abby.
There are groups today that attract huge numbers of men (one group fills stadiums full of men) and preach that men should be in control of every major facet of life. These groups usually cloak their male-supremacy message in biblical teachings and in the cultural icons of America.
While promoting many worthwhile tenets and publicly decrying spousal abuse and infidelity, they encourage male control of positions of leadership in the business, political and religious arenas and within the family structure. These groups often obtain legitimacy by associating with local churches, which may or may not fully understand the organizations' agendas, strategies or political ties.
While people have the right to their own personal religious beliefs and to join whatever legitimate organizations they wish to, I would caution all clergypeople and church members to fully investigate any outside group that appears to be infiltrating and exercising control within their men's ministries. I would caution any wife to beware if her husband says something like, "Honey, I've made a terrible mistake. I've given you my role." This is the standard approach for "handling the little lady."
The Center for Democracy Studies, 177 E. 87th St., Suite 404, New York, N.Y. 10128, offers information to anyone wanting to know about groups with organized efforts to undermine the rights of women, people of color, labor or any other groups, through religious or political intolerance. I would bet that "Steaming in Dallas's" in-laws may have been influenced by one of these very current groups rather than by ancient history. -- SUSPICIOUS IN ILLINOIS
DEAR SUSPICIOUS: Whether the group is contemporary or not, I stand by my original answer. That kind of philosophy is firmly rooted in another century.
However, thank you for taking the time to alert my readers and for naming an information resource for anyone who is concerned about an encroachment on civil rights.
For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)