For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Moral Vigilance Protects Future From Crimes of Hatred in Past
DEAR ABBY: I was troubled by your response to the letter from Betie Newton. While I feel as you do about the heroic and noble deed of her father in saving the lives of a Jewish family during World War II, I am not in agreement with your comment that "we are living in a country where people will NEVER (emphasis mine) encounter the horror that was faced by your friend and father."
Abby, it was apathy and denial by the populace that led to the actions of the Nazis. There are those in our society who preach the same hatred, and there is profound apathy in this country toward those who engage in such activities. We all hope that we will never "encounter such horror," but only an informed, vigilant and morally active society can prevent such a horror from ever happening again. We should never say never. -- DARRELL D. SAGE, CARLISLE, PA.
DEAR DARRELL: You have written a strong and profound letter, to which I would add: In order to protect our freedoms, it is vital that we exercise them to the fullest. I refer specifically to our right to vote.
We live in a society where it's still possible to achieve success through hard work and dedication. If that is to continue, people must educate themselves about the issues that are important to them, make their wishes known at the ballot box and select candidates they trust to represent them. It's a big responsibility, but the future of our country depends upon everyone assuming it.
DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Peter," recently endured a horrible experience in a department store. He was browsing in the men's shoe section but saw nothing he wanted to purchase.
As he was leaving, a security officer yelled at him to stay where he was. She then asked him to follow her. Peter asked her why, but the security officer did not give him an answer. He was led to a back room and asked to lift his feet. The security officer looked at the bottom of his shoes and said, "You are the wrong guy." She explained that while she was watching the store monitor, she had seen a man put on a pair of shoes and walk away without paying for them. She apologized and told Peter he was free to leave.
Peter left the store feeling humiliated and vowed never to return. Should he report this to store management, or is this the way customers should expect to be treated? -- DUMBFOUNDED IN ROXBORO, N.C.
DEAR DUMBFOUNDED: My sources inform me that the primary duty of security personnel is to protect and/or recover the store's assets, not to arrest customers. Because the exposure to liability is so great, the vast majority of department stores have stringent guidelines limiting the manner in which a customer can be detained. Suspicion is never sufficient cause to stop a customer for questioning.
The detainment your husband experienced is called a "bad stop," and it should be reported to the store management.
DEAR ABBY: When a person receives a box of chocolates as a bread and butter gift, some people expect it to be opened and passed around. At a large party, it can be finished off, and the host or hostess might not even get to taste it.
I feel that a gift of chocolates should be opened when and where the recipient wants, and shared (or not) as the recipient wishes. What do you think, Abby? -- CHOCOLATE LOVER IN LOMPOC, CALIF.
DEAR CHOCOLATE LOVER: I'm a chocolate lover, too. However, a gracious host does not put the box of chocolates aside, but shares the wealth.
Operation Dear Abby Is Cause of Much Eating and Greeting
DEAR ABBY: We are writing to let you know of the far-reaching effects of your Operation Dear Abby campaign. Our sixth-graders at Randolph Middle School in Randolph, N.J., wrote holiday cards as a class project. We sent hundreds of cards to the addresses listed in your column.
As responses to their letters began to arrive, the daily question became, "Is there any mail from the military?" Servicemen and women from all over the globe wrote wonderful notes and letters to the students. Some included pictures, patches and money from foreign countries where they were stationed.
The activity also turned into geography lessons as students located on maps various home bases, current stations and stops in between. Connections with weekly current events lessons made news come alive.
The cards were greatly appreciated by the military people who received them, which is the obvious intent of Operation Dear Abby. In addition, students had the experience of expressing their concern for others as well as patriotic pride. Combining those benefits with the extra bonus of various classroom activities made this an invaluable activity we plan to repeat in the future. We are looking forward to the next Operation Dear Abby. Thank you for making it possible. -- EDIE KLINK, CAROLE HUNTINGTON AND ELENA MASTROIANNI, SIXTH-GRADE SOCIAL STUDIES TEACHERS, RANDOLPH MIDDLE SCHOOL
DEAR MSS. KLINK, HUNTINGTON AND MASTROIANNI: I'm delighted that Operation Dear Abby provided a bonus for your students. Each year I receive letters from readers expressing their enjoyment of Operation Dear Abby, and describing friendships (and even marriages) that grew out of it.
I'm pleased to publicize the following addresses for this year's Operation Dear Abby XIII. They will be in effect ONLY from Nov. 15, 1997, to Jan. 15, 1998 (after that, the APO/FPOs will close). If you have difficulty at your local post office, ask the clerk to check the recent postal bulletins -- the Operation Dear Abby addresses are not always entered into the postal computers, and clerks may assume the addresses are invalid. Priority mail only, please.
1. For Europe and Southwest Asia:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AE 09135
2. For the Mediterranean Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
FPO AE 09646
3. For South America, Central America and the Caribbean:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AA 34085
4. For the Far East:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
APO AP 96285
5. For the Pacific Basin:
AMERICA REMEMBERS
OPERATION DEAR ABBY
FPO AP 96385
For those who wish to send mail to the military in Bosnia, the year-round addresses are:
1. For Army, Navy, Air Force and Marine Corps land forces:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT GUARD
APO AE 09397
2. For Navy and Marine Corps personnel aboard ship:
ANY SERVICE MEMBER
OPERATION JOINT GUARD
FPO AE 09398
P.S. Cookies (sugar, oatmeal, molasses), gum, hard candy and boxed containers of juice are always welcome (chocolate is not recommended because it can melt in transit). But the No. 1 treat is "food for the soul" and that's mail, mail and more mail!
To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby's "Keepers," P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)
Mom Makes Too Much Room for Boy Close to Girl's Heart
DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old son, "Josh," has been dating a 20-year-old girl, "Jessica," for about 10 months. Josh graduated from high school in June and left for the Army three weeks later. Just before he left, Jessica's mother gave him the family engagement ring, in case he "wanted to use it" before he went.
Josh's father and I were very upset. We talked and talked, and finally convinced our son that he doesn't know Jessica well enough to marry her, and he has no idea where his commitment to the Army will lead him. Besides, he is simply too young to marry. Finally, after four days of emotional turmoil, Josh returned the ring to Jessica's mother.
My son now informs us that Jessica and her mother are fixing up the basement of their home for him when he comes home on leave.
There is no end to this woman's presumptuousness. The extent to which she is going in order to snag my son for her daughter is making me ill. I have written to Josh expressing my feelings, but it hasn't helped. He plans to stay at their home when he returns. My husband says to let him go, but I am hurt and frightened. What can I do? -- ILL IN PA.
DEAR ILL: Remind Josh that marriage is far too serious a commitment for a fellow his age. Most young men that age are in no great rush to get married, although they do get involved in some romantic encounters. Trying to come between the two will only drive them into each other's arms.
Let Josh know that true love is patient and can wait, and help him recognize the mother's actions for what they are -- manipulation.
DEAR ABBY: Our next-door neighbors moved in a little over a year ago, and we've developed a friendship with them. A few weeks ago, Mr. Next-Door-Neighbor invited us to a surprise 40th birthday dinner party for Mrs. Next-Door-Neighbor at a nice restaurant. We accepted.
The party was scheduled for a Saturday night. On the Thursday before the party, we were given four tickets to a preseason football game for the same Saturday night. We don't get to attend many games, and we are big fans of the team. The tickets are very hard to come by and are quite expensive.
We decided to go to the game and forgo the party. I called Mr. Next-Door-Neighbor explaining our situation and apologized. My husband also apologized. After the party and game, I sent Mrs. Next-Door-Neighbor a nice plant and some jewelry for her birthday, and apologized to her.
They still seem to be upset by our dinner cancellation. What should we have done? -- NEIGHBORS IN SPARTANBURG, S.C.
DEAR NEIGHBORS: Would you have been forgiving had your husband planned a surprise birthday party at a nice restaurant, and one of the couples canceled two days before the party?
You did what you wanted to do instead of what you should have done. Friends don't treat friends in such a shabby manner.
DEAR ABBY: Can you please help my friend and me solve a dilemma?
When sending out children's birthday invitations, do you think it is proper to include the child's clothing size and toy ideas in the invitation?
I recently received an invitation that read: Billy wears a size 5 and his favorite toys are Super Heroes. This comment obviously seems as though you are expected to bring a gift.
What do you think, Abby? Should I include this line in my son's upcoming birthday party invitations? -- WONDERING
DEAR WONDERING: I wouldn't.
Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $3.95 ($4.50 in Canada) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, Ill. 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)